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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 15h

Still reeling from colleague saying "I'm not usually racist, but...." before saying how she'd hardly seen any white faces in town at the w/end+that they were all immigrants.

Told her with a smile that I don't see a prob with that+I'd rather have a million immigrants rather than one single racist

Newsreader flipping the middle finger with a sarcastic smile.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 1d

Just saw a sweet idea - a special paper to stick on windows, let your kids draw on it and it imprints the drawings as white on the glass.

Then, I remembered I have teenage boys so it would just be a festive panorama of cock and balls.

A festive window with houses drawn on the glass by children in white.

A 1980's American style photo portrait of a little girl. On the left hand side she's sitting with a big smile. On the right hand side is a close up of her face looking disgusted.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 3d

Given the cough I'm still battling with and the fact my pelvic floor is not what it once was, my Halloween costume this year is going to be Anne Sellors in Threads.

a woman is covering her mouth with her hand in a close up .

ALT: a woman is covering her mouth with her hand in a close up .

media.tenor.com

Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 5d

I've just ordered something from 'Must Have Ideas' called 'Nanna's Secret'.

99% sure it's a product to combat limescale and not Nicky Campbell turning up on my doorstep to tell me about a relative I had no idea about.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 8d

Big 'Dictionary Corner' vibes from Putin here.

Looks like he's just explained to Dave from Runcorn that he could have had an 8 if he'd spotted "Ubiquity", and is seconds from launching into a cheeky poem about the dangers of high-rise windows to take us into the next commercial break.

Putin, the war-mongering arse-wipe sitting in a black leather chair at a desk against a purple background. The desk is covered with paperwork and he's holding some paper and mid way through speaking. Basically, it looks like a still from Countdown.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 9d

Glanced up as this chap on Antiques Roadshow said his Mum used to keep this on her mantelpiece.

For a split second, I thought "bloody hell, I'm not surprised you were amazed".

Screenshot from Antiques Roadshow showing an elderly man sitting down holding up a long, flesh coloured item in his hand as spectators stand behind him smiling. The subtitles say "And I was absolutely amazed".

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 15d

Just freaked myself out looking at a photo from today thinking I'd caught a shadow person on camera.

Zoomed in and it's just me in a reflection, looking one step away from Sadako in 'The Ring'.

Grainy reflection of a dark haired woman in a mirror.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 15d

Thankyou, I will be giving them a good scrubbing when I get home.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 15d

There was a man opposite me on the tube wearing tiny little jogging shorts. He was man-spreading SO expansively, I feel I could have given him a comprehensive testicle health-check from a metre away.

And no, I wasn't staring...they seemed to be in my field of vision matter where I looked.

A Barbie doll's face looking wide eyed in mild surprise and disgust

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 15d

After a truly shitty week, I'm now primed and ready to spend the afternoon feeding my soul by laughing lots...and potentially coughing like a Victorian with consumption.

A pint of lager sitting in a pub window.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 15d

Not 100% sure that attending a podcast festival when I have an awful cough triggered mostly by laughter is the best idea.

My bag is packed with cough sweets and I'll sit near an exit in case I need to cough up a lung and make a swift exit.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 16d

Slightly odd cashier in the Co-op (who is basically Tim Key's character in Plebs) misheard what I said about broccoli and enthusiastically asked me what type of dog I had.

I could have put him straight but chose instead to tell him all about the imaginary dog I don't actually have. Of course.

a little girl in a pink dress is sitting at a table and making a face .

ALT: a little girl in a pink dress is sitting at a table and making a face .

media.tenor.com

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 16d

If ever there was a song equivalent to a clammy, weak handshake, or a wet fart,..... it's Mr fucking Wendal.

Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 17d

Great place. I'll be in your office on Sunday.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 21d

Visual representation of my crushing workload. Think it's time to look for a new job.

Scene from Crackerjack with the presenter standing next to a child, completely overloaded with toys and random items to the point where you can't even see his face.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 23d

Oh God yes,...how that hate-riddled bag of skin keeps dodging the scythe I'll never know.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 23d

Why is the Grim Reaper taking all the good and decent people who have actually contributed to the world when there's a fat orange fuck in Washington and a rat-faced shit-bag in Moscow more than ripe for the picking?!

Leave the good'uns alone!

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 23d

This is always what I imagine ChatGPT is doing behind the scenes when I attempt to explain my latest Excel formula problem in long, garbled paragraphs and it summarises it back to me in less than 10 words.

A woman doing a face.....the one we all did at school where you put your tongue in front of your lower teeth, pushing your chin out and flicking the finger.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 24d

🎶🎵Here we go again, here we go, go, go to the temple of corruption🎵🎶

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 26d

Patel: "I would like to remind the American public: they built this DC temple of corruption over decades, and in 8 short months, Mr President, you have crippled their foundation."

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 25d

Was it the box of vulvas?

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 26d

My colleague just told me that a little boy had such an innocent expression that "butter wouldn't melt on his face".

Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 29d

Bedknobs and Broomsticks reboot but instead of a load of re-animated suits of armour appearing on the horizon, it's a batallion of Thatcher's old outfits.
Terror ensues, roll credits in stunned silence.

Three glass cases at the Conservative Party Conference. Inside are famous outfits worn by Margaret Thatcher.

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 29d

I just tried making these and they were absolutely delicious. Didn't see the tip about the lemon so will add that next time.

Thank you for introducing me to these! Right up my street 😊

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · Oct 3

It all sounds terrifying and a bit demoralising. My son (also autistic) finishes his A-levels in the Summer. He doesn't want to go to uni and has no idea what he wants to do, so we'll be in a similar position.

Best of luck to your daughter with the search!

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Tilskatoffee apple🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @tilskatoff.bsky.social · Sep 24

America's version of University Challenge looks shit.

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