The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑
@tisfwp.bsky.social
Formally funded by Big Whine. Exposing the universe's injustices, one first-world problem at a time. 100% Satire. USA 🇺🇸!
https://cash.app/$JDizzle204
https://cash.app/$JDizzle204
Pinned
Our research into why we need a 45-minute "buffer" of scrolling social media before getting out of bed has hit a funding wall. This vital work cannot continue without your support.
Help us solve one of life's most pressing mysteries. Send emergency research grants to $JDizzle204, for science.
Help us solve one of life's most pressing mysteries. Send emergency research grants to $JDizzle204, for science.
We acknowledge that it is "Hump Day."
However, The Institute feels less like we are "getting over the hump" and more like we are being slowly crushed by the camel. We request a flat stretch of road immediately.
#WednesdayVibes #Tired #FirstWorldProblems #HumpDay
However, The Institute feels less like we are "getting over the hump" and more like we are being slowly crushed by the camel. We request a flat stretch of road immediately.
#WednesdayVibes #Tired #FirstWorldProblems #HumpDay
February 4, 2026 at 5:19 PM
We acknowledge that it is "Hump Day."
However, The Institute feels less like we are "getting over the hump" and more like we are being slowly crushed by the camel. We request a flat stretch of road immediately.
#WednesdayVibes #Tired #FirstWorldProblems #HumpDay
However, The Institute feels less like we are "getting over the hump" and more like we are being slowly crushed by the camel. We request a flat stretch of road immediately.
#WednesdayVibes #Tired #FirstWorldProblems #HumpDay
The Institute is issuing a formal request for new followers.
Our "Department of External Validation" reports that dopamine reserves are critically low. Please press the button to help us meet our arbitrary numerical quota for the quarter. Thank you.
#FollowMe #Validation #FirstWorldProblems #Please
Our "Department of External Validation" reports that dopamine reserves are critically low. Please press the button to help us meet our arbitrary numerical quota for the quarter. Thank you.
#FollowMe #Validation #FirstWorldProblems #Please
February 3, 2026 at 4:24 AM
The Institute is issuing a formal request for new followers.
Our "Department of External Validation" reports that dopamine reserves are critically low. Please press the button to help us meet our arbitrary numerical quota for the quarter. Thank you.
#FollowMe #Validation #FirstWorldProblems #Please
Our "Department of External Validation" reports that dopamine reserves are critically low. Please press the button to help us meet our arbitrary numerical quota for the quarter. Thank you.
#FollowMe #Validation #FirstWorldProblems #Please
🫸🫷
February 3, 2026 at 4:22 AM
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The Institute has reviewed the rumors regarding the President’s health
Our analysis concludes that he is powered entirely by fast food preservatives and pure, unadulterated spite. He is not "fading." He is simply marinating.
#Trump #Politics #Immortality #FirstWorldProblems
Our analysis concludes that he is powered entirely by fast food preservatives and pure, unadulterated spite. He is not "fading." He is simply marinating.
#Trump #Politics #Immortality #FirstWorldProblems
February 3, 2026 at 3:57 AM
The Institute has reviewed the rumors regarding the President’s health
Our analysis concludes that he is powered entirely by fast food preservatives and pure, unadulterated spite. He is not "fading." He is simply marinating.
#Trump #Politics #Immortality #FirstWorldProblems
Our analysis concludes that he is powered entirely by fast food preservatives and pure, unadulterated spite. He is not "fading." He is simply marinating.
#Trump #Politics #Immortality #FirstWorldProblems
Due to the 90-day absence of the President, the ecosystem at Mar-a-Lago has fallen into chaos.
The squirrels have reclaimed the back nine. The cart girls have unionized. The sand traps are lonely. Nature is healing, and it is disgusting.
#TrumpGolf #FirstWorldProblems #Nature
The squirrels have reclaimed the back nine. The cart girls have unionized. The sand traps are lonely. Nature is healing, and it is disgusting.
#TrumpGolf #FirstWorldProblems #Nature
February 3, 2026 at 3:06 AM
Due to the 90-day absence of the President, the ecosystem at Mar-a-Lago has fallen into chaos.
The squirrels have reclaimed the back nine. The cart girls have unionized. The sand traps are lonely. Nature is healing, and it is disgusting.
#TrumpGolf #FirstWorldProblems #Nature
The squirrels have reclaimed the back nine. The cart girls have unionized. The sand traps are lonely. Nature is healing, and it is disgusting.
#TrumpGolf #FirstWorldProblems #Nature
We are currently telling ourselves the Great Sunday Lie: "I will go to sleep early and wake up refreshed." We have already filed the paperwork for the inevitable 1 AM doom-scroll.
#SundayNight #Delusional #FirstWorldProblems #Sleep
#SundayNight #Delusional #FirstWorldProblems #Sleep
February 2, 2026 at 1:19 AM
We are currently telling ourselves the Great Sunday Lie: "I will go to sleep early and wake up refreshed." We have already filed the paperwork for the inevitable 1 AM doom-scroll.
#SundayNight #Delusional #FirstWorldProblems #Sleep
#SundayNight #Delusional #FirstWorldProblems #Sleep
January 31, 2026 at 10:42 PM
The Institute has officially approved our "Return to Platform" initiative. We apologize for the coverage gap; we were busy doing absolutely nothing of value elsewhere. We are now prepared to resume sporadic posting until our next disappearance.
#Bluesky #Back #FirstWorldProblems
#Bluesky #Back #FirstWorldProblems
January 31, 2026 at 10:31 PM
The Institute has officially approved our "Return to Platform" initiative. We apologize for the coverage gap; we were busy doing absolutely nothing of value elsewhere. We are now prepared to resume sporadic posting until our next disappearance.
#Bluesky #Back #FirstWorldProblems
#Bluesky #Back #FirstWorldProblems
We are awake at 8:40 AM on a Saturday. There is no alarm. There is no emergency. There is only the cruel, lingering trauma of the work week forcing our eyes open. This is a labor violation.
#SaturdayMorning #Sleep #FirstWorldProblems #WhyAmIAwake
#SaturdayMorning #Sleep #FirstWorldProblems #WhyAmIAwake
January 3, 2026 at 2:43 PM
We are awake at 8:40 AM on a Saturday. There is no alarm. There is no emergency. There is only the cruel, lingering trauma of the work week forcing our eyes open. This is a labor violation.
#SaturdayMorning #Sleep #FirstWorldProblems #WhyAmIAwake
#SaturdayMorning #Sleep #FirstWorldProblems #WhyAmIAwake
January 3, 2026 at 5:33 AM
The house is so quiet that the Institute can hear the refrigerator humming. We are pretty sure it is judging our life choices.
We are now considering starting an argument with the ice maker to feel something.
#FridayNight #Lonely #FirstWorldProblems #TheHum
We are now considering starting an argument with the ice maker to feel something.
#FridayNight #Lonely #FirstWorldProblems #TheHum
January 3, 2026 at 5:25 AM
The house is so quiet that the Institute can hear the refrigerator humming. We are pretty sure it is judging our life choices.
We are now considering starting an argument with the ice maker to feel something.
#FridayNight #Lonely #FirstWorldProblems #TheHum
We are now considering starting an argument with the ice maker to feel something.
#FridayNight #Lonely #FirstWorldProblems #TheHum
Friday Night Status: The Institute is legally required to binge the entire season of Welcome to Derry because we were too scared to watch it weekly in October. We are now consuming 8 hours of trauma in one sitting. This is a sound mental health strategy.
#WelcomeToDerry #Max #BingeWatching
#WelcomeToDerry #Max #BingeWatching
January 3, 2026 at 4:35 AM
Friday Night Status: The Institute is legally required to binge the entire season of Welcome to Derry because we were too scared to watch it weekly in October. We are now consuming 8 hours of trauma in one sitting. This is a sound mental health strategy.
#WelcomeToDerry #Max #BingeWatching
#WelcomeToDerry #Max #BingeWatching
The Institute has legally ruled that January 1st does not count. It is a "Recovery Day."
The actual year 2026 begins on Monday, January 5th. Anything consumed or ignored today is off the record.
#NewYearsDay #Hangover #FirstWorldProblems #Procrastination
The actual year 2026 begins on Monday, January 5th. Anything consumed or ignored today is off the record.
#NewYearsDay #Hangover #FirstWorldProblems #Procrastination
January 1, 2026 at 6:24 PM
The Institute has legally ruled that January 1st does not count. It is a "Recovery Day."
The actual year 2026 begins on Monday, January 5th. Anything consumed or ignored today is off the record.
#NewYearsDay #Hangover #FirstWorldProblems #Procrastination
The actual year 2026 begins on Monday, January 5th. Anything consumed or ignored today is off the record.
#NewYearsDay #Hangover #FirstWorldProblems #Procrastination
The Institute has officially transitioned from "Family Member" to "Unpaid IT Support Consultant."
We are currently resetting a password for an aunt who does not know her email address. The joy of the season is testing our patience.
#ChristmasDay #TechSupport #FirstWorldProblems #TheWiFiIsDown
We are currently resetting a password for an aunt who does not know her email address. The joy of the season is testing our patience.
#ChristmasDay #TechSupport #FirstWorldProblems #TheWiFiIsDown
December 25, 2025 at 7:16 PM
The Institute has officially transitioned from "Family Member" to "Unpaid IT Support Consultant."
We are currently resetting a password for an aunt who does not know her email address. The joy of the season is testing our patience.
#ChristmasDay #TechSupport #FirstWorldProblems #TheWiFiIsDown
We are currently resetting a password for an aunt who does not know her email address. The joy of the season is testing our patience.
#ChristmasDay #TechSupport #FirstWorldProblems #TheWiFiIsDown
The entire global workforce has simultaneously pivoted from "wrapping up the week" to "forensic image analysis of a background elbow."
We are not employees anymore. We are a volunteer FBI task force with bad Wi-Fi and too much zoom capability.
#EpsteinFiles #ProductivityZero #FirstWorldProblems
We are not employees anymore. We are a volunteer FBI task force with bad Wi-Fi and too much zoom capability.
#EpsteinFiles #ProductivityZero #FirstWorldProblems
December 19, 2025 at 10:56 PM
The entire global workforce has simultaneously pivoted from "wrapping up the week" to "forensic image analysis of a background elbow."
We are not employees anymore. We are a volunteer FBI task force with bad Wi-Fi and too much zoom capability.
#EpsteinFiles #ProductivityZero #FirstWorldProblems
We are not employees anymore. We are a volunteer FBI task force with bad Wi-Fi and too much zoom capability.
#EpsteinFiles #ProductivityZero #FirstWorldProblems
We have just realized Christmas is 6 days away. The Institute has escalated to DEFCON 1: "Buying generic gift cards at the grocery store checkout line."
#HolidayStress #Procrastination #FirstWorldProblems #Follow
#HolidayStress #Procrastination #FirstWorldProblems #Follow
December 19, 2025 at 3:51 PM
We have just realized Christmas is 6 days away. The Institute has escalated to DEFCON 1: "Buying generic gift cards at the grocery store checkout line."
#HolidayStress #Procrastination #FirstWorldProblems #Follow
#HolidayStress #Procrastination #FirstWorldProblems #Follow
We have reached the point in December where our blood type is technically "Sugar Cookie and Panic."
The vibration is constant.
#December #HolidayStress #FirstWorldProblems
The vibration is constant.
#December #HolidayStress #FirstWorldProblems
December 13, 2025 at 4:04 AM
We have reached the point in December where our blood type is technically "Sugar Cookie and Panic."
The vibration is constant.
#December #HolidayStress #FirstWorldProblems
The vibration is constant.
#December #HolidayStress #FirstWorldProblems
We are now commencing the traditional pivot from "Profound Gratitude For What We Have" to "Ferocious Lust For A Cheap TV."
Please prepare your credit cards.
#Thanksgiving #BlackFriday #FirstWorldProblems
Please prepare your credit cards.
#Thanksgiving #BlackFriday #FirstWorldProblems
November 28, 2025 at 4:00 AM
We are now commencing the traditional pivot from "Profound Gratitude For What We Have" to "Ferocious Lust For A Cheap TV."
Please prepare your credit cards.
#Thanksgiving #BlackFriday #FirstWorldProblems
Please prepare your credit cards.
#Thanksgiving #BlackFriday #FirstWorldProblems
Reposted by The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑
🟢 Nutrition Hack: So easy, even the cat approves. 🐾
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#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
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#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
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Grüns supports gut health, energy, immunity, recovery, beauty, and focus. Easily meet your daily nutrient needs with one grab-and-go snack pack of gummies. Made in the USA. No artificial colors or fla...
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November 21, 2025 at 8:47 PM
🟢 Nutrition Hack: So easy, even the cat approves. 🐾
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
www.gruns.co/pages/vip?sn...
#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
www.gruns.co/pages/vip?sn...
#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
🟢 Nutrition Hack: So easy, even the cat approves. 🐾
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
www.gruns.co/pages/vip?sn...
#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
www.gruns.co/pages/vip?sn...
#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
Grüns | Comprehensive Daily Nutrition
Grüns supports gut health, energy, immunity, recovery, beauty, and focus. Easily meet your daily nutrient needs with one grab-and-go snack pack of gummies. Made in the USA. No artificial colors or fla...
www.gruns.co
November 21, 2025 at 8:47 PM
🟢 Nutrition Hack: So easy, even the cat approves. 🐾
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
www.gruns.co/pages/vip?sn...
#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
Superfood Gummies pack 60 nutrients (adaptogens, prebiotics, vitamins) into one delicious, simple pack.
No stress, just easy daily energy and immunity support.
Grab your VIP spot:
www.gruns.co/pages/vip?sn...
#Grüns #Superfood #Gummies #EasyGreens
The Institute is engaging in "Pre-Friday Revenge Bedtime Procrastination." We are fully aware that stealing this extra hour of scrolling will be paid for, with interest, by the 9 AM version of ourselves tomorrow.
We are prepared to bankrupt him.
#FridayEve #FirstWorldProblems
We are prepared to bankrupt him.
#FridayEve #FirstWorldProblems
November 14, 2025 at 5:47 AM
The Institute is engaging in "Pre-Friday Revenge Bedtime Procrastination." We are fully aware that stealing this extra hour of scrolling will be paid for, with interest, by the 9 AM version of ourselves tomorrow.
We are prepared to bankrupt him.
#FridayEve #FirstWorldProblems
We are prepared to bankrupt him.
#FridayEve #FirstWorldProblems
Shout out to Daylight Saving Time for giving us one (1) extra hour of Sunday anxiety before plunging us into the 'it's 5 PM and pitch black' psychological hellscape that will be our lives until March.
A truly brilliant trade. #Follow #Satire #FirstWorldProblems #LikeMe
A truly brilliant trade. #Follow #Satire #FirstWorldProblems #LikeMe
November 3, 2025 at 5:02 AM
Shout out to Daylight Saving Time for giving us one (1) extra hour of Sunday anxiety before plunging us into the 'it's 5 PM and pitch black' psychological hellscape that will be our lives until March.
A truly brilliant trade. #Follow #Satire #FirstWorldProblems #LikeMe
A truly brilliant trade. #Follow #Satire #FirstWorldProblems #LikeMe
The Institute finds the timeline's one-sided outrage exhausting. It distracts from our real work (like analyzing lukewarm coffee).
We require you to consume news more efficiently for our sake.
Ground News presents all sides from over 50,000 sources.
Use code 8135924 for 1 month free Premium.
We require you to consume news more efficiently for our sake.
Ground News presents all sides from over 50,000 sources.
Use code 8135924 for 1 month free Premium.
Ground News App
Compare Today's Top News Headlines from Multiple Perspectives: Local, Foreign, National; Left to Right. See What the Other Side Sees. Be Well Informed.
ground.news
November 1, 2025 at 3:34 PM
The Institute finds the timeline's one-sided outrage exhausting. It distracts from our real work (like analyzing lukewarm coffee).
We require you to consume news more efficiently for our sake.
Ground News presents all sides from over 50,000 sources.
Use code 8135924 for 1 month free Premium.
We require you to consume news more efficiently for our sake.
Ground News presents all sides from over 50,000 sources.
Use code 8135924 for 1 month free Premium.
Saturday, 10:29 AM. The Institute is stretching. The primary sound is a series of pops and cracks, like a string of tiny firecrackers. We are unsure whether this is due to old age or our joints seizing up after a 24-hour, fun-sized candy coma.
#HalloweenHangover #FirstWorldProblems #Stretching #Old
#HalloweenHangover #FirstWorldProblems #Stretching #Old
November 1, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Saturday, 10:29 AM. The Institute is stretching. The primary sound is a series of pops and cracks, like a string of tiny firecrackers. We are unsure whether this is due to old age or our joints seizing up after a 24-hour, fun-sized candy coma.
#HalloweenHangover #FirstWorldProblems #Stretching #Old
#HalloweenHangover #FirstWorldProblems #Stretching #Old