Author | Lightnews

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · 5d

Good stuff! I particularly like 'Made For Me'. (I'm a sucker for rock/blues rhythm, but that wouldn't be out of place from any headline act.)

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Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · 25d

I have a vision of the seven dwarfs in centurion breastplates and helmets, waving bloody swords and chanting, "Palatine, Capitoline, Aventine, Esquiline, Quirinal, Caelian, Viminal..."

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 6

Alternatively, full of evil + hammy intentions. It's all mood-dependent.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

Happy 50th anniversary to ‘The End’, a masterclass in ingenuity and as fine a vintage of bottle episode as one could hope for! #Goodies50 #SuperChapsThree #TheEnd

That’s 49 episodes down in my Goodies retrospective: www.jacobedwards.id.au/49-the-end/

Next up: The Goodies Rule – O.K.?

Futuristic Graeme (with Spock ears) and Tim; Bill with their skeletal remains.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

In a Goodies bottle episode, less is more! #Goodies50 #ISpy

Picture: The Goodies’ office is now totally devoid of furniture, save one chair. Graeme and Tim, old and decrepit, stand to either side of this.

Dialogue from the episode:
Tim: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with... ‘c’.
Graeme: Chair.
Tim: Well done.
Graeme: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with ‘c’.
Tim: Chair.
Graeme: Correct.
Tim: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with, um, oh, beginning with, um, oh! ‘c’.
Graeme: Um... Chair?
Tim: Ah! Absolutely correct.
Graeme: Really? Shot in the dark, you know.
Tim: What’s the score?
Graeme: The score is— let me take a look here... dead level.
Tim: Oh, my word. It is exciting, isn’t it?

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

As dire as their situation is, Graeme and Tim appear to have second thoughts about eating Bill... but only for so long as to set up an expectation gag! #Goodies50

Pictures: Graeme and Tim, wearing chefs’ hats and aprons, appear to have second thoughts about cooking Bill...

Dialogue from the episode:
Graeme: Tim. Tim, come here. I mean, how are we going to cook poor little Bill?
Tim: Yes, I know.
Graeme: Do you want him boiled, roast, fried, stewed...?
Tim: Really, Graeme! ... Fried, of course.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

It’s so endearing that the Goodies not only played themselves but took such delight in self-mockery! #Goodies

Pictures: Bill in his purple Goodies shirt; Tim in his Union Jack waistcoat, each mocking the other’s name.

Dialogue from the episode:
Tim: All my life I’ve dreamt of having a son to carry on the name of Brooke-Taylor!
Bill: Who the hell would want to carry on a name like Brooke-Taylor?
Tim: Well, it’s not as silly as Oddie. Odd/ee. Bill’Oddie. B’loddie stupid!
Graeme: Ha-ha!
Tim: Bill’Oddie stupid!!

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

A scene whose failed record-smashing made the BBC bloopers reel... #Goodies50 #SilentRevolution

Pictures: Tim starts the gramophone player; Bill smashes his record; Tim points accusingly.

Dialogue from the episode:
Graeme: Here’s my solution: Tim, you can be a lord... but you’ve got to clean the shoes.
Bill: Ahh!
Tim: Oh, all right. I suppose we all have to strive together to create a new society. [Starts gramophone for patriotic speech.] We shall build a fine—
Bill: [Smashes record]
Tim: You! What’d you do that for?!
Bill: Silent revolution, m’lord Timbo!

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

Such attention to detail! Corbet Woodall again plays the on-screen newsreader: originally in suit and tie; in a later broadcast wearing more shabby attire (reflecting the ‘increasing poverty of the nation’!). As Graeme mutes the TV, he breaks off and waits to be unmuted! #Goodies50 #CorbetWoodall

Pictures: Corbet Woodall as the on-screen newsreader, dressed firstly in his usual suit, then in more shabby clothing. Graeme’s arm reaches across to mute the TV.

Dialogue from the episode:
Corbet: In the light of the increasing poverty of the nation, the government have decided that work on the new Brighton to Birkenhead Freeway will be suspended indefinitely.
Bill: What?! Oh, blimey. Operator!
Corbet: News is just coming in—
Bill: Operator? Give me the Ministry of Works. Operator, please. Please!

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

Quintessential Goodies: Graeme misspells his own name when taking dictation, and has to scratch it out...! #Goodies

Pictures: Tim dictates to Graeme; Graeme grimaces and scribbles out an error.

Monologue from the episode:
Tim: Take a letter, would you, Graeme? ‘Dear Liz. No, um, no. No. Elizabeth. No. Ma’am. Um, Mrs Ma’am. No, um... O Queen! I wish to complain about the wicked plans of Mr Harry Highrise and his evil, so-called architect Mr, um, what’s his name? Mr Graeme Garden. Mr Graeme Garden. That’s G-R-A-E-M-E.’

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

Bonkers though it sounds, Graeme’s scheme for Kew Gardens is in fact a dig at Harry Hyams (‘Harry Highrise’) and his infamous Centre Point development. #Goodies50 #HarryHyams #CentrePoint

Pictures: Graeme and Bill stand beside Graeme’s scale model of the Kew Gardens redevelopment scheme (lots of blocks of concrete!); Graeme points to his own brain.

Dialogue from the episode:
Bill: What is that?
Graeme: That is a 350-foot high block of offices.
Bill: Oh yeah? Looks more like a 350-foot high block of concrete.
Graeme: Exactly.
Bill: Yes, but Graeme, you see: as an architect, I would have thought you’d have spotted this. Haven’t you noticed? No windows, no doors, eh?
Graeme: That’s the whole point, you fool. Look, do you realise the rent on that place is going to be £4,000 pounds per square foot... and that’s per minute.
Bill: Nobody can afford that, can they?
Graeme: Well of course they can’t! So there’s no point wasting money putting doors and windows in, is there? Dear me. As a matter of fact, there’s no rooms in their either. That’s so the squatters can’t move in. I’ve thought of everything.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · May 5

50 years ago today, Graeme’s ill-considered redevelopment scheme saw the Goodies’ office encased in a 350-foot high block of concrete. Tonight, I shall chalk tally marks upon the wall and revisit this most aptly named season-ender... #Goodies50 #SuperChapsThree #TheEnd

The Goodies prepare to meet the queen: Bill wears a paper pirate’s hat, Tim a flower-pot, a wet shirt and Union Jack boxer shorts; Graeme a blindfold (expecting to be beheaded!).

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

Happy 50th anniversary to ‘Bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms’, a masterpiece of Goodies-style mishap and mayhem. #Goodies50 #SuperChapsThree

That’s 48 episodes down in my Goodies retrospective: www.jacobedwards.id.au/48-bunfight-...

Next week: The End!

A wooden sign proclaiming: GOODIES CREAM MINE, KEEP OUT!
Tim and Bill, standing beside their tent, confront Graeme on his mule.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

In a winner-takes-all poker game with cream, jam and scones on the line, naturally the Super Chaps use toast for cards and gingernuts for chips! #Goodies50

The Goodies playing poker, using toast for cards and gingernuts for chips.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

Classic silent comedy! To the accompaniment of “Oh! Susanna”, Bill orders two cups of tea. The waitress (Sarah May), mistaking his gesture, responds with one of her own before sliding the two cups to their doom... prompting Bill to give her the ‘v’ in earnest! #Goodies50

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

Having debuted as an extra in ‘Rome Antics’, the donkey is invited back as a genuine guest star... even duetting with Graeme on one of his pratfalls! #Goodies50

The red donkey from ‘Rome Antics’, plus four pictures of the ‘Bunfight’ donkey being enticed, dumped, carried, and fallen off of.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

This isn’t the first, and it won’t be the last time the Goodies’ casual disregard for each other allows for an unlikely substitution! #Goodies50

Pictures: Tim and Bill converse with a dummy of Graeme—consisting of a pillow, coat, gold-panning tin, mop head, two cups and a banana.

Dialogue from the episode:

Bill: What a rotten night, eh? Didn’t sleep a wink, you know.
Tim: Neither did I. Still, it was worth it, eh, Graeme? Yeah, not surprised you’ve got nothing to say for yourself. You ought to be ashamed, you.
Bill: Yeah, should be ashamed of yourself, Graeme, you should.
Tim: You see, he’s never at his best first thing.
Bill: Well, he’s got to wake up, hasn’t he, ‘cause we’ve all got to go into town and file the claim, make the money, and— oi, Graeme. Come on, wake up. Why have you got a mop on your— Graeme? Oi! That’s not Graeme!
Tim: Who is it, then?
Bill: Don’t know. Who are you?
Tim: Hey, we’ve been duped!

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

Graeme’s rocking chair–powered Old West Rube Goldberg machine takes cream mining to new, farcical heights! #Goodies50 #RubeGoldberg

Bill and Tim hard at work mining cream; Graeme in rocking chair, powering the Old West Rube Goldberg Machine; a lettuce-induced tortoise pulling cups of cream!

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

As ever, the lads segue deftly from the plausible to the absurd... #Goodies50 #OldTinMine

Picture: Graeme empties a bag full of old tins over Tim.

Dialogue from the episode:
Tim: Oh, you’re not still looking, are you? You’re loony. There’s no gold here.
Graeme: No gold? Out here? In the wild and woolly west?
Bill: Graeme, we are in Cornwall.
Graeme: Yeah, well, I know we’re in Cornwall. But I’ve been out looking around, and you’ll never guess what I’ve just found in an old tin mine.
Tim: Gold?
Graeme: No. Old tins... and this.
Tim: What?
Graeme: Gold ore.
Tim: Ore?
Graeme: Or something else.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

Unsurprisingly, the only reason the lads are broke is that Graeme has spent all their money on buying prospecting gear with which to get rich! Either presciently or in befuddlement, Bill refers to the metal detector as a ‘mine detector’. #Goodies50 #MineDetector

Pictures: Graeme, laden with prospecting gear.

Dialogue from the episode:
Graeme: Never mind your tooth. By the time we’ve finished, you can have a mouthful of these. You can have gold arms and legs if you want to. Come on, all the gear’s outside on the mule.
Bill: Oi! Oi, wait a minute. What do you mean, mules, mine detectors, all that stuff? That must have cost you a fortune.
Graeme: Yeah, of course it did. Why do you think we’re broke?

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 28

50 years ago today, the Goodies carried their mule to Cornwall, made a fortune in cream and strawberry jam (plus scönes/scônes), then staked it all in a bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms. Tonight, I shall break out a stack of gingernuts and watch history unfold... #Goodies50 #SuperChapsThree #Bunfight

Tim and Bill (in frontier, prospecting garb) face off against Graeme (the dandified gambler).

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 21

Happy 50th anniversary to ‘South Africa’, an incisive political statement all the more powerful for being couched in comedy. #Goodies50 #SuperChapsThree #SouthAfrica

That’s 47 episodes down in my Goodies retrospective: www.jacobedwards.id.au/47-south-afr...

Next up: Bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms!

Philip Madoc as the tourist agent, wearing white-lensed glasses, then threatening Graeme, then bending a poker around Tim’s neck while Bill watches on.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 21

As leader of the little-uns’ rebellion, Bill isn’t a million miles removed from Che Guevara... #Goodies50

Bill in safari suit, smoking a cigar, contrasted with Che Guevara.

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 21

The jockey uprising plays out to “I’m Small”—a ditty so lyrically apt, one boggles to think that its gibbon kazoo-scratch arrangement is actually a reworking of Bill's music-hall novelty song from ‘Distinctly Oddie’ (1967), and, before that, ISIRTA 4.2 (1966). #Goodies50 #ISIRTA

Pictures: jockeys perform a war dance in a circle around Bill, who is seated on a throne; a jockey punches Graeme in the knee, then climbs a ladder to punch him higher up!

Lyrics:
I’m small, I’m small, I’m irretrievably small
Oh, look at me: I’m so wee I’m hardly here at all
I’m cute, minute, and very tiny to boot
Oh, please don’t hurt me: I’m small, I’m small, I’m small

Jacob Edwards @toastyvogon.bsky.social · Apr 21

Exquisite. Bill is revealed as the source of the ‘jungle drums’, whereupon Tim and Graeme hurry back inside... to retrieve their own instruments! When the scene reaches its faux-dread conclusion, they pre-empt a musical sting: dun-dun-dun (shake-shake-shake). #Goodies50

Tim shining his torch; Bill playing a drum kit in the jungle; Graeme shaking maracas while Tim plays the double bass.