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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 5h

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving www.ungerreview.com/silly-americ...

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving

GOSHEN, IN In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 1d

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 1d

“We had to wait and see what McDavid would sign for,” said the church’s chief salary negotiator Allan Siemens. www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-pa...

Mennonite Pastor Signs Two-Year $25 Thousand Extension with Local Church

EDMONTON, AB Just days after Connor McDavid closed a deal with the Oilers, local youth pastor Collin Martens inked a two-year $25,000 extension with WestEast Edmonton Mennonite Church. “We had to wait...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 2d

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-ma...

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize

OSLO, NORWAY Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said [......

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 4d

Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass a semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-ma...

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

MOOSOMIN, SK Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass the semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. “I figured he was going 100,” said Bob, [...]

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 5d

White House to Annex Toronto Blue Jays www.ungerreview.com/white-house-...

White House to Annex Toronto Blue Jays

TORONTO, ON After the Blur Jays took a 2 game lead against the New York Yankees, the Americans are utilizing the only strategy left in their repertoire— annexation. “We call it the World Series, but [...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 7d

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-wo...

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking,” said M...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 9d

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s www.ungerreview.com/niverville-r...

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s

NIVERVILLE, MB For more than century, resident of Niverville have been completely cut off from access to McDonald’s restaurants. “Oh, sure, some brave souls ventured out to Winnipeg once in a while,” ...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 11d

Church to Remove Reclining Seats for Poorer Parishioners www.ungerreview.com/church-to-re...

Church to Remove Reclining Seats for Poorer Parishioners

CALGARY, AB The WestEast Church in Calgary, Alberta has just announced it will be removing all reclining seats in the last 20 rows of the sanctuary. “That’s where all the latecomers and low tithers si...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 12d

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 13d

Canada Post to Replace Air Mail with New Horse and Buggy Service www.ungerreview.com/canada-post-...

Canada Post to Replace Air Mail with New Horse and Buggy Service

OTTAWA, ON Always wanting to improve services across the country, Canada Post announced this week it would be hiring Amish and Old Order Mennonites to deliver the mail from now on. “It’s just one more...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 16d

Escalator Strands Pastor, Sermon Delayed www.ungerreview.com/escalator-st...

Escalator Strands Pastor, Sermon Delayed

HARRISONBURG, VA After the escalator abruptly stopped at just as Pastor Dave was approaching, the entire responsive reading and the first 40 minutes of the sermon had to be postponed. “I didn’t know w...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 17d

White House Warns Against Knackzoat During Pregnancy www.ungerreview.com/white-house-...

White House Warns Against Knackzoat During Pregnancy

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump issued a warning to pregnant woman this week – avoid knackzoat. “It can only be bad. Not good,” said Trump. “Very bad. Let me see. How do you pronounce this? It’s [...]

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 17d

The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 18d

Toews Resumes Career with Winnipeg Jets www.ungerreview.com/toews-resume...

Toews Resumes Career with Winnipeg Jets

WINNIPEG, MB We may not have heard from him for quite a while, but Toews laced up his skates again last night, this time for his hometown Winnipeg Jets. “Yeah, well, I figured I could [...]

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 19d

CFL Unveils New Logo www.ungerreview.com/cfl-unveils-...

CFL Unveils New Logo

TORONTO, ON After a series of highly popular rule changes this week, the Canadian Football League has unveiled a brand new logo modelled after Crackel Barrel. “We know how well that worked for them,” ...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 19d

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 20d

Rapture Occurs Just Before Newlyweds Have a Chance to Consummate the Marriage www.ungerreview.com/rapture-occu...

Rapture Occurs Just Before Newlyweds Have a Chance to Consummate the Marriage

ABBOTSFORD, BC Every chaste young man’s biggest fear came true last night as Eric Dueck and Sarah Loewen were miraculously raptured just moments before they were able to consummate their marriage. “I ...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 21d

Bargain Hungry Mennonites Eager to Get Their Hands on Free Speech www.ungerreview.com/bargain-hung...

Bargain Hungry Mennonites Eager to Get Their Hands on Free Speech

INMAN, KS Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 21d

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 23d

Trump Hires Mennonites to Shun Jimmy Kimmel www.ungerreview.com/trump-hires-...

Trump Hires Mennonites to Shun Jimmy Kimmel

WASHINGTON, DC A team of Mennonites has been flown into Washington this week with the express purpose of shunning Jimmy Kimmel. “We’ve got them working around the clock. Frowny faces. Shaking their he...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 24d

A Complete List of Jokes that Won’t Get You Cancelled These Days www.ungerreview.com/a-complete-l...

A Complete List of Jokes that Won’t Get You Cancelled These Days

In the wake of Jimmy Kimmel’s recent cancellation, we’ve consulted a team of comedians and humourists from across the United States to make a list of completely safe jokes that won’t get you cancelled...

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 26d

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-wo...

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC

MORDEN, MB Area woman Lois Buhler, 51, was utterly amazed by the selection of top shelf Italian, French, and Spanish wine at her local LC this week. “Wow, the ladies around here cook with the [...]

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The Unger Review @ungerreview.bsky.social · 27d

Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week www.ungerreview.com/entire-city-...

Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week

STEINBACH, MB The prayers of Omas and Opas across Steinbach were finally answered this week as all the remaining folks who had yet to be baptized were greeted with a deluge. “I was hoping to [...]

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