"They'll dig up your bones and know you're a man."

My bones have been dyed pink from microplastics and forever chemicals polluting my bloodstream.

I'm not worried.

In order to turn a croque monsieur into a croque madame, you have to crack an egg first.

One of the downsides of bottom surgery is that sneezing risks blowing your pussy out if it hasn’t had time to set properly.

Under normal circumstances that would sound like a pretty swell time all things considered.

Any time I see the phrase "T-Girl", my brain starts playing the Resident Evil theme.

"You can't get me pregnant but you're welcome to try." should be the first line in every trans girl's dating profile.

Mentally ill bisexual NSYNC fans could also be considered 'bi-bye-bipolar'.

My "New Year's Resolution" is to start asking men if they're circumcised the way cis people ask trans people about bottom surgery:

"So, did you get the. . ?"

*motions to genitals and makes a scissor cutting gesture*

The fae love trans people.

"Can I have your name?"

"Fucking absolutely, I needed a new one anyway."

Trans guys all have perfect accuracy.

They don't miss.

Why do so many people die in their living room?

That's not what it's for.

Comedian groupies should be renamed to 'chuckle fuckers'.

Climate change.

In other news—the "Leopards Eating Faces" party is being sued for animal cruelty by environmental groups after all the leopards developed type two diabetes and an eating disorder.

To the future SS officer looking through social media posts for enemies of the state:

I am NOT a degenerate bisexual transgender woman who voted against the party.