@windeggs.bsky.social
Tony made a New Year’s Eve resolution to not hit on Jean Hazlitt at the party. He’d tried every year, only to be rebuffed (and slapped) so why bother. As the party was ending the host found him in the closet with Jean wrapped around his hips. “She was upset that I ignored her.”
January 4, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Tony made a New Year’s Eve resolution to not hit on Jean Hazlitt at the party. He’d tried every year, only to be rebuffed (and slapped) so why bother. As the party was ending the host found him in the closet with Jean wrapped around his hips. “She was upset that I ignored her.”
Bill made a New Year’s Eve resolution to stick to his diet by avoiding rich fatty, high sugar snacks at the party. When the hosts helped him to the spare room after the party, Jill said, “Doesn’t he know booze is loaded with sugar?”
Her husband said, “Booze sugar doesn’t count.”
Her husband said, “Booze sugar doesn’t count.”
January 4, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Bill made a New Year’s Eve resolution to stick to his diet by avoiding rich fatty, high sugar snacks at the party. When the hosts helped him to the spare room after the party, Jill said, “Doesn’t he know booze is loaded with sugar?”
Her husband said, “Booze sugar doesn’t count.”
Her husband said, “Booze sugar doesn’t count.”
Brenda made a New Year’s Eve resolution to leave her husband Ralph if he behaved like an asshole. She’d debated leaving him. This seemed better than a coin toss. But Ralph made the resolution moot when he went home with that drunken slut Melinda. And she didn’t even make a pass.
January 4, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Brenda made a New Year’s Eve resolution to leave her husband Ralph if he behaved like an asshole. She’d debated leaving him. This seemed better than a coin toss. But Ralph made the resolution moot when he went home with that drunken slut Melinda. And she didn’t even make a pass.
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by Past Life Discount Warehouse. This month's special: 50% off neanderthal past lives. Flea control extra.
January 4, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by Past Life Discount Warehouse. This month's special: 50% off neanderthal past lives. Flea control extra.
Melinda made a New Year’s Eve resolution to not look for some random guy to go home with so she wouldn’t be lonely. She woke up next to a man in his forties with beer breath, but at least he was a man. Her strategy worked. It was her first New Years hook up since college.
January 4, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Melinda made a New Year’s Eve resolution to not look for some random guy to go home with so she wouldn’t be lonely. She woke up next to a man in his forties with beer breath, but at least he was a man. Her strategy worked. It was her first New Years hook up since college.
George suggested his friends make New Year’s Eve resolutions that would be easier to keep since they only needed to keep them one night. When his friends found him married to the toilet with a fifth of Scotch, his girlfriend said, “Count on George to tap out in four hours.”
January 4, 2026 at 1:00 AM
George suggested his friends make New Year’s Eve resolutions that would be easier to keep since they only needed to keep them one night. When his friends found him married to the toilet with a fifth of Scotch, his girlfriend said, “Count on George to tap out in four hours.”
Declan told his frat brothers they couldn’t afford their New Year’s Eve party. “We blew all of Delta Iota Mu’s funds on last month’s Turkey bash.” Marcola said it was covered, he’d scored a boatload of cocaine to sell. That’s when the new pledge Stanley identified himself as DEA.
January 3, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Declan told his frat brothers they couldn’t afford their New Year’s Eve party. “We blew all of Delta Iota Mu’s funds on last month’s Turkey bash.” Marcola said it was covered, he’d scored a boatload of cocaine to sell. That’s when the new pledge Stanley identified himself as DEA.
The Jones forbid their daughter Sarah to have a party while they attended the country club’s New Year’s Eve soiree . They returned to find the house trashed, liquor cabinet empty, and kids everywhere. “It’s not a party,” Sarah said, “it’s an experiment in social interaction.”
January 3, 2026 at 1:03 AM
The Jones forbid their daughter Sarah to have a party while they attended the country club’s New Year’s Eve soiree . They returned to find the house trashed, liquor cabinet empty, and kids everywhere. “It’s not a party,” Sarah said, “it’s an experiment in social interaction.”
Brad arrived at the apartment only to find cases of liquor stacked against the wall, JBL party box speakers in every room, a new HDTV, and a DJ setting up his station. He asked his roommate how they could afford all this, only to be told, “with your dad’s credit card.”
January 3, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Brad arrived at the apartment only to find cases of liquor stacked against the wall, JBL party box speakers in every room, a new HDTV, and a DJ setting up his station. He asked his roommate how they could afford all this, only to be told, “with your dad’s credit card.”
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by Tweetbots, the digital equivalent of street corner guys who wipe data and dirty it more.
January 3, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by Tweetbots, the digital equivalent of street corner guys who wipe data and dirty it more.
Chad’s roommate asked how he planned to throw a huge New Year’s party when they barely knew a dozen people. Chad replied, “liquor, blow, and hookers. That’ll bring them in.” Asked why women would come for hookers, Chad replied, “We’ll invite lesbians.”
January 3, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Chad’s roommate asked how he planned to throw a huge New Year’s party when they barely knew a dozen people. Chad replied, “liquor, blow, and hookers. That’ll bring them in.” Asked why women would come for hookers, Chad replied, “We’ll invite lesbians.”
Santa landed his sleigh at a frat house to deliver the requested case of Coors. He found them cleaning up from a New Year’s party. When he said It wasn’t New Year’s yet, Brad pointed to the 2023 balloons. “We partied seven days short of a year. In 2024 we’ll go for the record.”
January 3, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Santa landed his sleigh at a frat house to deliver the requested case of Coors. He found them cleaning up from a New Year’s party. When he said It wasn’t New Year’s yet, Brad pointed to the 2023 balloons. “We partied seven days short of a year. In 2024 we’ll go for the record.”
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided former tech employees laid off over Christmas after their jobs were replaced by AI.
January 2, 2026 at 1:25 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided former tech employees laid off over Christmas after their jobs were replaced by AI.
…The messenger prepared to dismantle civilization. The old woman suggested the Powers That Be disable TV and social media until they complied. Most people were willing but business interests were afraid it would interfere with profit.
Not all stories have happy endings. #TwtStory
Not all stories have happy endings. #TwtStory
January 2, 2026 at 1:24 AM
…The messenger prepared to dismantle civilization. The old woman suggested the Powers That Be disable TV and social media until they complied. Most people were willing but business interests were afraid it would interfere with profit.
Not all stories have happy endings. #TwtStory
Not all stories have happy endings. #TwtStory
…The Power That Be’s messenger finally found one person willing to save the world, an elderly woman reforesting a desert one tree at a time.
“If I only found four others like you, I could save the planet.”
“One woman is worth five men. Maybe you could work with that.”… #TwtStory
“If I only found four others like you, I could save the planet.”
“One woman is worth five men. Maybe you could work with that.”… #TwtStory
January 2, 2026 at 1:23 AM
…The Power That Be’s messenger finally found one person willing to save the world, an elderly woman reforesting a desert one tree at a time.
“If I only found four others like you, I could save the planet.”
“One woman is worth five men. Maybe you could work with that.”… #TwtStory
“If I only found four others like you, I could save the planet.”
“One woman is worth five men. Maybe you could work with that.”… #TwtStory
…The messenger of the Powers That Be searched far and wide for five people willing to restore the planet but to no avail. Not that they weren’t willing to restore it. They were. But they wanted to put all their effort into posting earth conscious messages on Instagram.… #TwtStory
January 2, 2026 at 1:22 AM
…The messenger of the Powers That Be searched far and wide for five people willing to restore the planet but to no avail. Not that they weren’t willing to restore it. They were. But they wanted to put all their effort into posting earth conscious messages on Instagram.… #TwtStory
…As humankind partied through the new year’s redo, the Powers That Be sent messengers to dismantle civilization. One said, “They’re not all bad. What if I can find good ones?” They negotiated down to five good people. The PTB said, “Haven’t we heard this story before?”… #TwtStory
January 2, 2026 at 1:21 AM
…As humankind partied through the new year’s redo, the Powers That Be sent messengers to dismantle civilization. One said, “They’re not all bad. What if I can find good ones?” They negotiated down to five good people. The PTB said, “Haven’t we heard this story before?”… #TwtStory
A week before New Year’s, the Powers That Be gathered to discuss the future. 2025 had been a miserable year for mankind. They really screwed the pooch. The PTB decided to give mankind a reset, a redo to get their act together, fix the planet. They partied for 365 days… #TwtStory
January 2, 2026 at 1:20 AM
A week before New Year’s, the Powers That Be gathered to discuss the future. 2025 had been a miserable year for mankind. They really screwed the pooch. The PTB decided to give mankind a reset, a redo to get their act together, fix the planet. They partied for 365 days… #TwtStory
January 1, 2026 at 4:35 PM
How to keep our children Christian. It's easier than you think.
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
January 1, 2026 at 4:31 PM
How to keep our children Christian. It's easier than you think.
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
Chiffon informed her fellow exotic dancer Chantrel that the fat old man passed out in the honeymoon suite really was Santa Claus. After a year locked up at the North Pole with elves, he cuts loose on NYE
January 1, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Chiffon informed her fellow exotic dancer Chantrel that the fat old man passed out in the honeymoon suite really was Santa Claus. After a year locked up at the North Pole with elves, he cuts loose on NYE
When her husband Ralph and his best friend Art walked through the door with 6 cases of Scotch, 6 of bourbon, 6 of gin, and 12 of beer, Alice said, “You could have made two trips, boys.” Ralph said, “Way ahead of you, Alice. This is the first of three.”
January 1, 2026 at 1:03 AM
When her husband Ralph and his best friend Art walked through the door with 6 cases of Scotch, 6 of bourbon, 6 of gin, and 12 of beer, Alice said, “You could have made two trips, boys.” Ralph said, “Way ahead of you, Alice. This is the first of three.”
For Margarita this was the worst time of the year, not having to say goodbye to her visiting family, but to say goodbye without explicitly telling them they’d worn out their welcome.
January 1, 2026 at 1:02 AM
For Margarita this was the worst time of the year, not having to say goodbye to her visiting family, but to say goodbye without explicitly telling them they’d worn out their welcome.
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by minimum wage stoners reading messages from tea leaves and riffing until they can type.
January 1, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by minimum wage stoners reading messages from tea leaves and riffing until they can type.