Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by former hashtaggers who switched careers after discovering they were being mocked by a Geico commercial.
When it was Sharon’s turn to bring the breakfast snacks for the weekly staff meeting, she brought carrots, broccoli, and grapes. The rest of the staff complained. “No donuts? No tacos?” The boss decided they’d never ask her to bring breakfast again. Mission accomplished. #TwtStory
John’s boss finally scheduled him to facilitate the mandatory weekly staff meeting. As the first order of business he asked, “Who wants to end this meeting and do our real jobs?” After everyone left the boss said, “That wasn’t on our agenda.” “Clearly, it was on theirs.” #TwtStory
Darnell took charge of the teamwork meeting, rejecting every idea in the brainstorming session as stupid, delegating team member responsibilities, setting deadlines. They said, “We’re not your slaves.” “There is no I in teamwork.” Jim said, “There is an O for asshole.” #TwtStory
After the staff meeting John ignored his supervisor who told him not to worry about the planning reports for the company’s new morale initiative. But John worked weekends and nights to prepare for the next meeting where the boss announced they’d moved on to rebranding. #TwtStory
John promised his boss he’d finish the report as soon as his meetings ended. But by the time the quarterly evaluation meeting, team building meeting, employee morale task force meeting, department and focus meetings ended he was fired. Thank God. No more meetings. #TwtStory
Advantage to writing a #TwtStory No. 10: Generates ideas for longer, publishable stories. Join me with 270 character stories using the x/bsky neutral tag
When Herb heard about cock fighting he thought it was stupid, but since he was unemployed and wasn't willing to do porn, he figured he'd give it a try.
After lecturing her kids about the dangers of mind altering drugs, again, Sue took Zoloft and wineбthe two вlittle assistants that made her a successful parent. pbs.twimg.com/media/DgU9TH...
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided former White House employees laid off in a DOGE purge, rehired, and laid off during the government shutdown.
Chutney was jealous of Pookah’s juicy bone. She had her own bone but it didn’t look as juicy as Pookah’s bone. He didn’t even eat it. He buried it. She laid low until he left the yard and dug it up. Only he moved it. When she returned to her kennel he’d taken her bone. #TwtStory
The Wilsons were jealous of the Jones, who made more money with more status. They spent all their money keeping up with the Jones. Cadillac, private schools, trips to Cabo. But it was never enough. They didn’t know how hard the Jones worked to keep ahead of the Wilsons. #TwtStory
Susan spent her time at the office badmouthing Buster. He’s incompetent, out of touch, and only got his promotion because he was a kiss ass. Jean said, “Don’t let her get to you. She’s jealous you got the promotion.” He said, “Of course she is. It proves I’m better.” #TwtStory
Detective Bob surveyed the crime scene. Tom Bigspender’s third wife sprawled on the bed. An open safe, and ransacked dressers. Bob said, “Gotta be the jealous husband.” Her maid said, “Jealous? Of what? Her vibrator? She was faithful. He was the one sleeping around.” #TwtStory
As soon as Brad started chatting up Jennifer, Bob hovered next to them. An observer asked if Bob was one of those creepy guys who got jealous of men with his wife. “No, Jenn’s Bob’s beard since he works for an ultra Christian company. He sleeps with Brad but Brad’s bi.” #TwtStory
