Shatticus
@yordem.bsky.social
I DO NOT CONDONE THE VIOLENCE PENETRATED IN THE REACH BY THE FORSWORN. All views my own.
The Extra Crunchy Jif Peanut Butter at Sam's Club does NOT fuck around
November 13, 2025 at 3:21 AM
The Extra Crunchy Jif Peanut Butter at Sam's Club does NOT fuck around
Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Gooning (unabridged)
November 13, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Gooning (unabridged)
If I were the illuminati I'd infiltrate every ones HR department and do it from there. Hell, I bet they already have. How would we know.
November 9, 2025 at 4:44 AM
If I were the illuminati I'd infiltrate every ones HR department and do it from there. Hell, I bet they already have. How would we know.
Adderall made me go from procrastinating by sitting around to procrastinating by doing other kind-of-productive stuff so I guess it's still a win?
October 28, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Adderall made me go from procrastinating by sitting around to procrastinating by doing other kind-of-productive stuff so I guess it's still a win?
Being a lil drunk on the front porch before dinner on a sunny day is a special kind of relaxing indulgence. I earned this.
October 27, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Being a lil drunk on the front porch before dinner on a sunny day is a special kind of relaxing indulgence. I earned this.
Can't speak for everybody butt I'm not done pooping till I pee a second time
October 25, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Can't speak for everybody butt I'm not done pooping till I pee a second time
People shit on Brandon Sanderson for his plain, transparent prose because they don't have a rich inner world and need the author to tell them how they're supposed to feel about what's happening in the book.
October 14, 2025 at 1:19 PM
People shit on Brandon Sanderson for his plain, transparent prose because they don't have a rich inner world and need the author to tell them how they're supposed to feel about what's happening in the book.
When they tell my story I hope it's like a "hero's journey" type of thing
October 14, 2025 at 2:45 AM
When they tell my story I hope it's like a "hero's journey" type of thing
Ice is staffed almost entirely by people who were too stupid to be cops
October 14, 2025 at 2:32 AM
Ice is staffed almost entirely by people who were too stupid to be cops
The shortest distance between Cam Skattebo and the end zone is directly through your sternum
October 10, 2025 at 11:46 PM
The shortest distance between Cam Skattebo and the end zone is directly through your sternum
Cam Skattebo runs the way play-wrestling a dog bigger than you feels
October 10, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Cam Skattebo runs the way play-wrestling a dog bigger than you feels
Cam Skattebo runs like he shamelessly experiences masculine joy
October 10, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Cam Skattebo runs like he shamelessly experiences masculine joy
Partner doing a crossword: I need a 4 letter word for a city in France
Me what number and line is it?
Partner: 69 across
Me: Nice
Me what number and line is it?
Partner: 69 across
Me: Nice
October 4, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Partner doing a crossword: I need a 4 letter word for a city in France
Me what number and line is it?
Partner: 69 across
Me: Nice
Me what number and line is it?
Partner: 69 across
Me: Nice
Reposted by Shatticus
As a foreigner watching US politics, what I’m hearing is:
Republicans: Democrats want *everyone* to have the right to live!
Democrats: No we don’t! Just most people.
Republicans: That’s still too many!
Republicans: Democrats want *everyone* to have the right to live!
Democrats: No we don’t! Just most people.
Republicans: That’s still too many!
October 3, 2025 at 11:18 AM
As a foreigner watching US politics, what I’m hearing is:
Republicans: Democrats want *everyone* to have the right to live!
Democrats: No we don’t! Just most people.
Republicans: That’s still too many!
Republicans: Democrats want *everyone* to have the right to live!
Democrats: No we don’t! Just most people.
Republicans: That’s still too many!
Every animal has an Orc version. Goats and sheep. Dogs and wolves. Snails and slugs. The list goes on.
Goats are the orcs of sheep
September 28, 2025 at 6:57 AM
Every animal has an Orc version. Goats and sheep. Dogs and wolves. Snails and slugs. The list goes on.
Goats are the orcs of sheep
September 28, 2025 at 6:54 AM
Goats are the orcs of sheep
They said we're going to Helgen and this Ralof guy is being super weird and cryptic about it.
turns out one of these fucking Nords is FUCKING STORMCLOAK HIMSELF TALOS FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I came across a bunch of storm cloaks right as the trap sprung. A bunch of imperial soldiers surrounded us, now we're trussed up in wagons and shit
September 27, 2025 at 10:54 PM
They said we're going to Helgen and this Ralof guy is being super weird and cryptic about it.
turns out one of these fucking Nords is FUCKING STORMCLOAK HIMSELF TALOS FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I came across a bunch of storm cloaks right as the trap sprung. A bunch of imperial soldiers surrounded us, now we're trussed up in wagons and shit
So I gave up on the farm. Kept getting hassles by those for sworn assholes. Heading to Riften to see if I can get in with the thiefs guild. Don't really know what else to do. I'll pass through Darkwater crossing tomorrow, then Riften is just a couple more days out
September 27, 2025 at 3:00 AM
turns out one of these fucking Nords is FUCKING STORMCLOAK HIMSELF TALOS FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I came across a bunch of storm cloaks right as the trap sprung. A bunch of imperial soldiers surrounded us, now we're trussed up in wagons and shit
So I gave up on the farm. Kept getting hassles by those for sworn assholes. Heading to Riften to see if I can get in with the thiefs guild. Don't really know what else to do. I'll pass through Darkwater crossing tomorrow, then Riften is just a couple more days out
September 26, 2025 at 7:43 PM
FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I came across a bunch of storm cloaks right as the trap sprung. A bunch of imperial soldiers surrounded us, now we're trussed up in wagons and shit
Cam Skattebo runs like he just shotgunned a bud light in a muddy river littered with broken glass
September 25, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Cam Skattebo runs like he just shotgunned a bud light in a muddy river littered with broken glass
So I gave up on the farm. Kept getting hassles by those for sworn assholes. Heading to Riften to see if I can get in with the thiefs guild. Don't really know what else to do. I'll pass through Darkwater crossing tomorrow, then Riften is just a couple more days out
September 25, 2025 at 12:14 PM
So I gave up on the farm. Kept getting hassles by those for sworn assholes. Heading to Riften to see if I can get in with the thiefs guild. Don't really know what else to do. I'll pass through Darkwater crossing tomorrow, then Riften is just a couple more days out
The worst thing about having pets is that the symptomatic presentations of "they have a stomach bug and they'll be fine in 2 days" and "their body is in the process of shutting down because they are actively dying" are completely identical
July 11, 2025 at 4:50 PM
The worst thing about having pets is that the symptomatic presentations of "they have a stomach bug and they'll be fine in 2 days" and "their body is in the process of shutting down because they are actively dying" are completely identical
Only reason I still wanna go to heaven is hope for the opportunity to beat John Calvin to death with my bare hands
July 11, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Only reason I still wanna go to heaven is hope for the opportunity to beat John Calvin to death with my bare hands