Who's interested in starting a nonprofit organization providing the gift of firearms to terminally-ill Americans?

Mitch McConnell ate shit and hit the floor in the Capitol. Claims Adjuster hittin threes 🏀👑

Not guilty

Nobody say shit (and you know what I'm talking about)

UnitedHealthcare CEO fatally shot in what reports are calling the "least-mourned event in the history, or future, of humanity".

Hunter Biden's pardon is the long-awaited death of toxic positivity

Pleading with my elderly father to stop riding the exercise bike in the living room while hosting Thanksgiving (wearing a dress shirt and khaki shorts) was only the third most remarkable event yesterday. #therapy

I'm moving to Canterbury to dethrone monarchs using categorized pagan art, fulfilling a life-long dream of becoming the Archbishop's archrival archival art rival.

My art speaks for itself 🪡🧵

I could benefit a lot from an ugly cry. I've put so much energy into building walls, I'm afraid I've lost that level of vulnerability.

Having my quarterly "Is this anxiety or am I dying from something preventable I should get checked out? Maybe I'm dehydrated. I'll drink some water... Yup, that was it. Thank god! *5 mins later* Nope, it's back."

The kid next door just got a dirt bike and I'm experiencing delayed-onset karma.