Simon Forward
@4dprefect.bsky.social
Evil writer, several-upon-a-time Doctor Who author and full-time sarcastic mother****er with a heart of gold.
Among the Christmas songs on the café's playlist today, I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS by The Jackson 5.
Now there's a song with a story. Obvs the kid doesn't realise Santa is just his dad dressed up. But, do the parents file for divorce to preserve the fantasy of Father Christmas? Tough call.
Now there's a song with a story. Obvs the kid doesn't realise Santa is just his dad dressed up. But, do the parents file for divorce to preserve the fantasy of Father Christmas? Tough call.
December 19, 2025 at 11:25 AM
Among the Christmas songs on the café's playlist today, I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS by The Jackson 5.
Now there's a song with a story. Obvs the kid doesn't realise Santa is just his dad dressed up. But, do the parents file for divorce to preserve the fantasy of Father Christmas? Tough call.
Now there's a song with a story. Obvs the kid doesn't realise Santa is just his dad dressed up. But, do the parents file for divorce to preserve the fantasy of Father Christmas? Tough call.
Can only assume Trump is petitioning for a role in IT: Welcome To Derry. He's just produced the ultimate clown suit.
December 16, 2025 at 12:12 PM
Can only assume Trump is petitioning for a role in IT: Welcome To Derry. He's just produced the ultimate clown suit.
Today I'm suing the BBC cos they showed a recording of me saying "Trump a cunt is."
December 16, 2025 at 11:31 AM
Today I'm suing the BBC cos they showed a recording of me saying "Trump a cunt is."
Sitting here in the café this Friday morning, thinking:
A) Should the Twelve Days Of Christmas be updated to reflect how much time society spends building up to the festive season
and
B) If so, do we have enough birds, musicians and other shit to pad out the lyrics accordingly?
A) Should the Twelve Days Of Christmas be updated to reflect how much time society spends building up to the festive season
and
B) If so, do we have enough birds, musicians and other shit to pad out the lyrics accordingly?
December 12, 2025 at 10:51 AM
Sitting here in the café this Friday morning, thinking:
A) Should the Twelve Days Of Christmas be updated to reflect how much time society spends building up to the festive season
and
B) If so, do we have enough birds, musicians and other shit to pad out the lyrics accordingly?
A) Should the Twelve Days Of Christmas be updated to reflect how much time society spends building up to the festive season
and
B) If so, do we have enough birds, musicians and other shit to pad out the lyrics accordingly?
In the middle of rearranging herself on my lap, Viola takes time to pose
December 11, 2025 at 10:13 AM
In the middle of rearranging herself on my lap, Viola takes time to pose
Reposted by Simon Forward
As I’ve said many, many times. You give the same rights to everyone to protect your own. You only have to look at the US to see how quickly things unravel. “I would give the devil the benefit of law for my own safeties sake.”
This is the stupidest strategy imaginable. “Quick! Curb people’s human rights, or those people who want to curb human rights will get into power!” *headdesk*
Starmer urges Europe’s leaders to curb ECHR to halt rise of far right
Exclusive: PM calls for members of European convention on human rights to allow tougher action to protect borders
www.theguardian.com
December 10, 2025 at 10:45 AM
As I’ve said many, many times. You give the same rights to everyone to protect your own. You only have to look at the US to see how quickly things unravel. “I would give the devil the benefit of law for my own safeties sake.”
Anxiety and depression don't get in the way of ambition. It's just that some days your ambitions might be 'do some housework' or 'go out for a walk'.
December 10, 2025 at 10:05 AM
Anxiety and depression don't get in the way of ambition. It's just that some days your ambitions might be 'do some housework' or 'go out for a walk'.
FIFA is the new Bubba
December 6, 2025 at 10:44 AM
FIFA is the new Bubba
Ugh, the prospect of a Tory/Reform coalition fills me with a) dread and b) party name ideas like Consolidated Union of Nigel & Tories
December 6, 2025 at 10:29 AM
Ugh, the prospect of a Tory/Reform coalition fills me with a) dread and b) party name ideas like Consolidated Union of Nigel & Tories
Forget the Oscars, I wanna know what movie is gonna sweep the FIFA Film Awards
December 6, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Forget the Oscars, I wanna know what movie is gonna sweep the FIFA Film Awards
Morning shoulder snuggles
December 5, 2025 at 8:54 AM
Morning shoulder snuggles
Sometimes I think I could've had a good career in slapstick comedy. If only I could perform it on command and not when I don't want to.
December 4, 2025 at 12:39 PM
Sometimes I think I could've had a good career in slapstick comedy. If only I could perform it on command and not when I don't want to.
The Truth is out there!
December 1, 2025 at 11:03 AM
The Truth is out there!
For your #Christmas Advent Calendar 2025, it's just a matter of opening Facebook each morning and discovering what stupid, horrible shit Trump has done today.
December 1, 2025 at 10:42 AM
For your #Christmas Advent Calendar 2025, it's just a matter of opening Facebook each morning and discovering what stupid, horrible shit Trump has done today.
"Man plans, God laughs."
My quote is:
"Man plans, cat gets on man's lap."
My quote is:
"Man plans, cat gets on man's lap."
December 1, 2025 at 9:27 AM
"Man plans, God laughs."
My quote is:
"Man plans, cat gets on man's lap."
My quote is:
"Man plans, cat gets on man's lap."
Still the burning question of the age.
I just haven't worn the T-shirt in a while.
I just haven't worn the T-shirt in a while.
November 30, 2025 at 10:08 AM
Still the burning question of the age.
I just haven't worn the T-shirt in a while.
I just haven't worn the T-shirt in a while.
If you're poor and have a talent, we're inviting you to donate your time to perform in aid of PROPERTY OWNERS IN NEED.
Raising just £2500 will save one of these unfortunates from the need to whine to their favourite newspaper or online media or rush out to have their houses revalued at £1.99m.
Raising just £2500 will save one of these unfortunates from the need to whine to their favourite newspaper or online media or rush out to have their houses revalued at £1.99m.
November 28, 2025 at 11:33 AM
If you're poor and have a talent, we're inviting you to donate your time to perform in aid of PROPERTY OWNERS IN NEED.
Raising just £2500 will save one of these unfortunates from the need to whine to their favourite newspaper or online media or rush out to have their houses revalued at £1.99m.
Raising just £2500 will save one of these unfortunates from the need to whine to their favourite newspaper or online media or rush out to have their houses revalued at £1.99m.
Normally, I'm like Do Not Engage The Trolls, but I made an exception on this one cos I couldn't resist.
November 28, 2025 at 10:54 AM
Normally, I'm like Do Not Engage The Trolls, but I made an exception on this one cos I couldn't resist.
Some days you just feel like calling your next chapter The Fat Lady Sings and be done with it.
#WorkNotInProgress
#WorkNotInProgress
November 19, 2025 at 5:58 PM
Some days you just feel like calling your next chapter The Fat Lady Sings and be done with it.
#WorkNotInProgress
#WorkNotInProgress
Looks like Matt Murdock won Mayor of NYC instead of Kingpin.
November 5, 2025 at 9:40 AM
Looks like Matt Murdock won Mayor of NYC instead of Kingpin.
So, threatening no federal funding in the event that one mayoral candidate wins... That's electoral blackmail, right?
November 4, 2025 at 4:16 PM
So, threatening no federal funding in the event that one mayoral candidate wins... That's electoral blackmail, right?
Well, that's distressing news. Just learned that, until very recently, Dick Cheney was still alive.
November 4, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Well, that's distressing news. Just learned that, until very recently, Dick Cheney was still alive.
The White House will be embracing Halloween tradition by decorating the Oval Office with a big fat orange vegetable carved with gruesome features.
October 31, 2025 at 11:17 AM
The White House will be embracing Halloween tradition by decorating the Oval Office with a big fat orange vegetable carved with gruesome features.