As the Dodgers head to bat for the second time, we take a few moments to honor those lost to the #Dodgers Stadium Banshee. We know they will be deeply missed. It’s the bottom of the 2nd, with the Dodgers leading the #Pirates, 1-0.

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The #Pirates come to bat now trailing 1-0. In the field for the #Dodgers, Connagh McKay takes over for Christopher Thornton at first after Thornton was swallowed up by the earth rounding third last inning.

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The #Pirates take the field in the bottom of the first, as the #Dodgers get their first shot at the plate:

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Due up: The #Dodgers will bat in the bottom of the 1st as the Pirates take the field. Game scoreless at 0-0

Tomorrow morning. Tune in.

The first inning is underway! The Dodgers have taken the field as they prepare to take on the visiting Pirates in tonight’s game.

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Tonight’s game is brought to you by Raleigh Cigarettes. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that nothing is smoother than a Raleigh. We will be taking care of that 10th doctor very shortly. Very, very shortly.

The grounds crew has finished cleaning the mangled limbs from last night’s sacrifice to the Monolith and can now begin preparing the field for tonight’s game.

We are sad to announce the passing of bullpen pitcher Russell Derrick, who spontaneously combusted on Friday. Derrick, who is part phoenix, will be re-evaluated in 2 weeks.

The Dodgers are happy to announce that they have come to terms with the fact that death is inevitable, our lives are insignificant, the void is inescapable.

The Dodgers would like to remind fans that Dodger Stadium is now cashless. Please bring loose pieces of flesh to pay for parking and concessions. We also accept cursed relics.

For those of you planning to attend tonight’s Dodgers game, please remember to bring identification in case of accidental dismemberment.