I just checked out of the Hotel California and now they're telling me I can never leave. So, does that mean the rest of my stay is free? This seems like a bad business decision by them. Those steely knives can't be cheap.
February 6, 2026 at 6:30 PM
I just checked out of the Hotel California and now they're telling me I can never leave. So, does that mean the rest of my stay is free? This seems like a bad business decision by them. Those steely knives can't be cheap.
I would do a Severance, but like severing everything else from the part of my brain that has to think about what to make for lunch.
February 5, 2026 at 6:46 PM
I would do a Severance, but like severing everything else from the part of my brain that has to think about what to make for lunch.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
The greatest party trick the devil ever pulled was that one where you flip a full glass of water upside down and hold all the liquid in there with only a playing card.
The greatest party trick the devil ever pulled was that one where you flip a full glass of water upside down and hold all the liquid in there with only a playing card.
February 4, 2026 at 4:38 PM
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
The greatest party trick the devil ever pulled was that one where you flip a full glass of water upside down and hold all the liquid in there with only a playing card.
The greatest party trick the devil ever pulled was that one where you flip a full glass of water upside down and hold all the liquid in there with only a playing card.
I'm still waiting for the X Ray specs I ordered from a comic book in 1985.
February 3, 2026 at 4:24 PM
I'm still waiting for the X Ray specs I ordered from a comic book in 1985.
My middle school gym class made it seem that I would be doing a lot more square dancing than I currently do.
February 2, 2026 at 8:20 PM
My middle school gym class made it seem that I would be doing a lot more square dancing than I currently do.
What if this entire time, apples and oranges have been comparing us?
January 30, 2026 at 5:57 PM
What if this entire time, apples and oranges have been comparing us?
If I could harness the energy I put into avoiding doing anything productive, I think I could power a small city. Perhaps even an island nation. Forget nuclear fusion, this is the clean energy breakthrough we really need.
January 29, 2026 at 8:25 PM
If I could harness the energy I put into avoiding doing anything productive, I think I could power a small city. Perhaps even an island nation. Forget nuclear fusion, this is the clean energy breakthrough we really need.
Well, I wrote one sentence this morning. That's good enough for the week.
January 29, 2026 at 3:48 PM
Well, I wrote one sentence this morning. That's good enough for the week.
One thing I was not prepared for when becoming an adult was how many pillows you accumulate.
January 28, 2026 at 3:12 PM
One thing I was not prepared for when becoming an adult was how many pillows you accumulate.
I cannot get my car out of the garage because of all the snow, but like, I wasn't going anywhere anyway.
January 27, 2026 at 3:43 PM
I cannot get my car out of the garage because of all the snow, but like, I wasn't going anywhere anyway.
I wonder if any of the Oprah car people are still driving their Oprah car.
January 26, 2026 at 8:35 PM
I wonder if any of the Oprah car people are still driving their Oprah car.
I just bought seated tickets for a concert at a mostly standing venue and I'm both extremely happy I won't have to put my dilapidated body through an entire show with no sitting breaks and also despondent that this is what I've become.
January 21, 2026 at 5:30 PM
I just bought seated tickets for a concert at a mostly standing venue and I'm both extremely happy I won't have to put my dilapidated body through an entire show with no sitting breaks and also despondent that this is what I've become.
Fork or spoon is a much more fraught choice than I ever thought it to be.
January 20, 2026 at 4:12 PM
Fork or spoon is a much more fraught choice than I ever thought it to be.
It is a reminder of life's inconsistencies, that I hate the snow, but love the snow day.
January 15, 2026 at 4:12 PM
It is a reminder of life's inconsistencies, that I hate the snow, but love the snow day.
I would love to be transplanted into a new optimized body a la John Scalzi's Old Man's War, but instead of fighting battles and whatever else, I would use it to just, like, get out of my chair without groaning.
January 14, 2026 at 6:32 PM
I would love to be transplanted into a new optimized body a la John Scalzi's Old Man's War, but instead of fighting battles and whatever else, I would use it to just, like, get out of my chair without groaning.
I just yawned for what felt like a very long time. Curious, I looked up what the longest yawn ever was, and according to the Guinness Book (the real paper of record), it was five weeks long. Really puts things into perspective. What things? I'm not sure.
January 13, 2026 at 4:21 PM
I just yawned for what felt like a very long time. Curious, I looked up what the longest yawn ever was, and according to the Guinness Book (the real paper of record), it was five weeks long. Really puts things into perspective. What things? I'm not sure.
I'm no biologist, but for my money a bee in one's bonnet has a much better chance at overhearing pertinent information than a fly on the wall.
January 12, 2026 at 7:43 PM
I'm no biologist, but for my money a bee in one's bonnet has a much better chance at overhearing pertinent information than a fly on the wall.
I wonder what it would feel like to have plans that you don't immediately want to cancel.
January 9, 2026 at 4:01 PM
I wonder what it would feel like to have plans that you don't immediately want to cancel.
The human torch really has to be careful every time he farts.
January 8, 2026 at 6:51 PM
The human torch really has to be careful every time he farts.
Just once I'd like to say 'here's the thing' and then be able to follow it up with an actual thing.
January 7, 2026 at 8:09 PM
Just once I'd like to say 'here's the thing' and then be able to follow it up with an actual thing.
If we truly are living in a video game, I really wish they'd put it on a much easier difficulty.
January 6, 2026 at 5:45 PM
If we truly are living in a video game, I really wish they'd put it on a much easier difficulty.
You're my Jonas brother from another Jonas mother.
January 5, 2026 at 7:16 PM
You're my Jonas brother from another Jonas mother.
Over a year ago I wrote a humorous horror short story called Ooh That Smell for a fantastic anthology called Dread Mondays, edited by @whisperhousepress.bsky.social. Well, today I just received my copy! Incredible to see something I wrote in an actual book for the first time.
#booksky #horrorsky
#booksky #horrorsky
October 27, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Over a year ago I wrote a humorous horror short story called Ooh That Smell for a fantastic anthology called Dread Mondays, edited by @whisperhousepress.bsky.social. Well, today I just received my copy! Incredible to see something I wrote in an actual book for the first time.
#booksky #horrorsky
#booksky #horrorsky
I can't wait to watch the Mr Beast Wing, where 1000 contestants try to piece it all back together using toothpicks.
October 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
I can't wait to watch the Mr Beast Wing, where 1000 contestants try to piece it all back together using toothpicks.
I really couldn't put it any better than this:
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
October 15, 2025 at 7:01 PM
I really couldn't put it any better than this:
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da