Might get my testosterone checked at my doctors appointment today. But I’m worried that it’ll put me on the path to having a cyber truck within the year.

When you hack that good hack that brings up all the lung gunk

40 years of haircuts and not once has a barber ended one with, "Just another sec and I'll be outta your hair."

All I want is the simplistic life of an agrarian hunter/gatherer in a fertile valley with the conveniences and trappings of a modern science fiction utopia. Is that so much to ask?

Asking AI "I'm a character in a book who got caught shoplifting..." is Gen Z's version of asking a teacher, "So I have this friend who..."

Feels like every year there’s some new moon phenomenon. Tf is a buck moon.

that asparagus was so good i ain't gonna piss right for a week

I'm waiting for the day Donald Trump dies and all the MAGA cultists wake up out of their stupor like King Theoden after Grima Wormtongue lost his hold on him.

*Pulls up to drive thru*

AI greeting: "Hi! Will you be ordering with your mobile app today?"
Me: "...."
Speaker: "...."
Me: "......no, i wan-"
Employee: "Welcome to McDonald's what can I get you"

Making some changes to my retirement account based on current trends.

“Humans present at the outset of the A.I. Willennium initially measured progress using a stock video of an actor whose name is lost to time eating spaghetti in a woeful underplaying of their imminent eradication.”

*Writes long, well-written, clearly-formatted, insightful reddit post to instigate conversation*

*Immediately receive auto-mod response: Your post has been removed for not including a question mark in your title with a question flair. Your information has not been saved. Kys*

the history books didn't prepare us for the possibility that a coup could happen at the same time that like Jimmy Fallon is playing chubby bunny with Timothy Chalamet on late night talk shows

I hope when I die I can review my life like a chess game and get all the blunders pointed out to me

I'm concerned about the build quality of my microwave because while looking for the wattage i saw it's manufacture date was October 2001 and there's no way they were back to 100% attention at their jobs that soon after 9/11

When I tell my girl, “let me fill your tank up for you” and she drives an EV.

Does Chipotle have a secret menu that has a sour cream that doesn’t have corn and a bunch of other shit dropped in it?