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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

Jesus scared the hell out of Marjorie. He told her that he wasn’t a Republican, nor did he ever want to be.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

Jesus Christ apparently had a word with Marjorie, and much to her surprise and chagrin, he wasn’t a Republican.

alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

If you can’t comprehend why this Hell is happening, just go ask those dipshits in the rural areas if they are jiving or not. Just because you never see them walking down the street doesn’t mean they don’t exist. This is all their fault. They haven’t seen a liberal in years, they are different.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

“And here’s my Singer sewing machine to facilitate it!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

It sounds like a matter of life and death … for America and the entire world! Not joking.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

“She’s so good looking but she looks like a man!”

alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

”Oh man, that fart blew my mind!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

“Hey Beavis, don’t leave me stranded here! Uhhuh, uh-huhhhuhhuh!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

If Godzilla and a raccoon, and a unicorn are fighting for them, they are unbeatable.

alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

Mexican Messiah:
The Apostles Pancho and Emiliano saw Jesus of Nayarit after he rose from the dead and were astonished. “Jesus, they wasted you, man!” they cried. “And yet here you are, as good as new!” “I ate some of those little candy skull earlier!“ explained Jesus. “I defeated death!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 1h

Kerala in India was the place where pepper first grew wild. And everyone from all over the world used to go to Kerala to get pepper. But these day everyone in Kerala uses chili peppers to cook their food. Because when Columbus went to the West, he accidentally found something spicier than pepper.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

A tourist visits Bonga, Ethiopia, the Cradle of Coffee. He walks into Kaldi’s Coffee Shop, named after the guy who discovered coffee in 700 AD.
Tourist: Hi, do you have any tea here?
Barrista: Yes sir.
Tourist: Ha ha, just kidding!
Barista: No, asshole, now you get tea!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

Whenever I hear the word Dubai, I hear the rustle of money.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

Yes, I think I actually wasn’t laughing too much about it.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

Both things are not true.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

It’s the kind of Joke that creeps up on you and kills you when you’re not looking. A kind of humorless joke, as in pathetic.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

Trump: Dammit! If I didn’t need to stay out of jail, I never would have taken this crappy job again!
Vance: Thank goodness there are millions of stupid people with guns who don’t give a shit if you do a good job or not!
Trump: Yeah, let’s keep that education system really bad, okay?

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

I feel like this is like some sort of really bad joke. Nobody has ever seen anything like this!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 2h

Time Traveler (meeting King Arthur): Your majesty, it is an honor to meet such a great king of England.
King Arthur (enraged): By God, sir! Did you just call me an Angle? I hate stinking Settlers! Take them away!
Leader of Time Expedition (sorrowfully): Drat! I forgot that Americans suck at history!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

Do you even have to ask?😒

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

Great, but I don’t think our armed populace is helping matters much. They seem to be shooting a lot of people at church!🤨

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

Mercians: Dammit, Egbert is back from Carolingian France! And he’s flush with cash! How did he do it?
Egbert: All you have to do is marry the daughter of Charlemagne’s cousin Lambert and you’re rolling in dough. It seems deceptively simple, but it’s tricky!
Peasants: Thanks for the tip, boss. Hail!🤑

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

They’ve been getting ready to abandon him for a long time!😉

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

Roosevelt: I keep expecting Mary Poppins to fly in!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

I think I was blocking the name Tipper Gore out of my consciousness. One of the Balrogs of the First Age.

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