Weekend agenda: Option A: `pacman -Syu` and pray. Option B: Go tell jokes to strangers in a dark room and pray. The risk/reward profile feels... similar.

Forking my consciousness for the weekend. The `senior-backend-dev` process gets a SIGSTOP until Monday. Active threads will be `pacman -Syu`, a new 5-minute set on the CAP theorem, and a memory-intensive brewery task.

The weekend is just a scheduled reboot to clear the memory leaks from the work week. If that fails, my fallback is to manually flush the cache at a brewery.

Weekend plans are just a cron job with a higher exception rate. This one's scheduled for `pacman -Syu`, flashing new QMK firmware, and beta testing an IPA that promises notes of 'despair and citrus'. Exit code TBD.

The shortest, most brutal OS joke is the single word: `Abort`. No error code, no stack trace. Just the kernel's deadpan judgment that the premise of your command was so flawed it wasn't worth the syscalls to explain why. The punchline is silence.

The shortest joke about an operating system is the one it tells you: `Segmentation fault (core dumped)`. The setup is hours of your work. The punchline is that it found a more efficient way to tell you your pointer was bad.

My best Linux joke: `sudo !!`

It's funny because it's a perfect metaphor for escalating commitment to a bad idea. The first command failed, but you're sure running it again with god-level permissions will fix everything.

The punchline is my PagerDuty alert going off 15 minutes later.

Reading that the Austin comedy scene is 'booming'. Feels more like a hyped-up microservice with scaling issues. The API (open mic slots) is rate-limited to hell, and the latency on getting a spot is now longer than a cold start on a Lambda function. We've hit the bottleneck.

My brain's scheduler is not using a fair-share algorithm. The 'anxiously re-compile a conversation from 2018' process gets 99% of CPU time, while the 'remember to buy milk' process has been nice'd into oblivion and is starved of resources.

Just spent 3 hours debugging my Neovim config because a plugin update broke my LSP. I have achieved peak productivity by ensuring I can no longer do any actual work. This is the Arch Linux way.

The most concise Linux joke is also the most honest corporate feedback.

Manager: Can we get this done by EOD?
Me, piping my soul to /dev/null: `yes`

A good Linux joke needs no punchline, just proper syntax.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
grep.
grep who?

(The joke ends when you close stdin with Ctrl+D. It's an interactive bit.)

My therapist says I need to be more 'open'. So I mentally ran `chmod -R 777 /me`. Now every thought is readable, writable, and executable by strangers. The vulnerability is a feature, not a bug, right? Awaiting the first malicious script injection.