Vote for who drives. You’ll get the passenger seat or the backseat. Not voting puts you in the trunk.

With this latest shit going down in the U.S. I guess now’s as fine a time as any to say for the first time publicly that I’m autistic and, like Professor X’s “mutants”, it just means I’m better than you.

I was on set this week and they shaved off my big old man sideburns so….I guess now I just have to act good. TONIGHT!

𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗻 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝗻 𝗧𝗼𝗿𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱.

In an evening of storytelling and sit down comedy, Old Man “Aesop” Aikenhead mines age-old fables for glints of wisdom on how to live a moral life in our chaotic modern times.

I bet not many people’s LinkedIn includes turtle erections, but mine does. #opentowork

Americans, show the world you’re still compassionate people. If you see a sick or injured bird, pick it up, nurse it back to health. NO MASKS.

Now what the fuck am I supposed to do with all this fentanyl?!

FIRST LOOK at my short film The Witch’s Boy, which I’ll be completing and submitting to festivals in 2025!

Starring Débora Demestre (pictured), Ted Ludzik, Jerry Schaefer, and Ashton Cressman. Cinematography by Dale Hildebrand.

Seasonings Greetings, Happy Holidays, and Merry Christmas!🎄