@allisondeclares.bsky.social
Being middle aged is interesting because you look around and realize you have enough bags. You don’t need to buy any more bags for the rest of your life
January 12, 2026 at 1:05 AM
Being middle aged is interesting because you look around and realize you have enough bags. You don’t need to buy any more bags for the rest of your life
Trying to muster one more burst of energy for the weekend to do laundry, clean my dishes, and make my lunch for the week. I understand why men get married hoping for a wife/maid combo
January 11, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Trying to muster one more burst of energy for the weekend to do laundry, clean my dishes, and make my lunch for the week. I understand why men get married hoping for a wife/maid combo
I have like four dishes to wash and its taken me an hour to motivate myself to do it. Thats how 2026 is going so far
January 5, 2026 at 1:18 AM
I have like four dishes to wash and its taken me an hour to motivate myself to do it. Thats how 2026 is going so far
Staying with my sister for the holiday, catching her up on what I have been doing (watching reels of people eat a sweet potato whole with cheese in the middle, etc)
December 24, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Staying with my sister for the holiday, catching her up on what I have been doing (watching reels of people eat a sweet potato whole with cheese in the middle, etc)
Thinking about that time my coworkers boyfriend (a pharmacist) came with her to a wedding, and I asked him if it was safe for me to take expired muscle relaxers
December 18, 2025 at 2:25 PM
Thinking about that time my coworkers boyfriend (a pharmacist) came with her to a wedding, and I asked him if it was safe for me to take expired muscle relaxers
Tonight my dinner is vegetable dumplings and pimento cheese dip/chips followed with a candy cane wafer, yes I did go to Trader Joe’s why do you ask
December 14, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Tonight my dinner is vegetable dumplings and pimento cheese dip/chips followed with a candy cane wafer, yes I did go to Trader Joe’s why do you ask
I hate summer with such a powerful hatred that I am excited for it to be 20 degrees tomorrow. I am going to stand outside just to revel in not being hot. Ice burn >>>>> Sunburn
December 14, 2025 at 1:18 AM
I hate summer with such a powerful hatred that I am excited for it to be 20 degrees tomorrow. I am going to stand outside just to revel in not being hot. Ice burn >>>>> Sunburn
I made my team change our morning meeting from 9:30 to 10, because I don’t like scraping ice off my car and the sunlight doesn’t hit it until 9, further cementing my place as the #1 Diva on the team
December 9, 2025 at 6:45 PM
I made my team change our morning meeting from 9:30 to 10, because I don’t like scraping ice off my car and the sunlight doesn’t hit it until 9, further cementing my place as the #1 Diva on the team
My boss had us take a personality test, and before our team meeting this week I am going to look up the educational credentials of the author of the test, because it didn’t feel scientific to me
Anyway, my results say my type is “Discernment”
Anyway, my results say my type is “Discernment”
December 9, 2025 at 5:26 PM
My boss had us take a personality test, and before our team meeting this week I am going to look up the educational credentials of the author of the test, because it didn’t feel scientific to me
Anyway, my results say my type is “Discernment”
Anyway, my results say my type is “Discernment”
Today I cried at my boss because being asked to do so many ridiculous things is taking time away from important things, and then I went to the lounge and ate potato chips with my two work besties for 30 minutes while we tried to figure out what was on TV in the condo across the street
December 3, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Today I cried at my boss because being asked to do so many ridiculous things is taking time away from important things, and then I went to the lounge and ate potato chips with my two work besties for 30 minutes while we tried to figure out what was on TV in the condo across the street
Not today apparently
When will the cyber monday emails cease
December 2, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Not today apparently
When will the cyber monday emails cease
December 2, 2025 at 1:50 AM
When will the cyber monday emails cease
I am watching a Christmas movie on Netflix about people who just take naps together to cure their insomnia and I would be lying if I said it was not my ideal relationship
December 1, 2025 at 3:13 AM
I am watching a Christmas movie on Netflix about people who just take naps together to cure their insomnia and I would be lying if I said it was not my ideal relationship
If we are going to put buckles on shoes, can we put them on the inside side of the foot? I am 41, I will never see the other side of my foot again, I certainly will not be buckling anything over there
November 27, 2025 at 2:59 AM
If we are going to put buckles on shoes, can we put them on the inside side of the foot? I am 41, I will never see the other side of my foot again, I certainly will not be buckling anything over there
To the Boomer whose cell phone rang outloud multiple times during physical therapy: why
Why is your ringer on
And why are people even calling you
Why is your ringer on
And why are people even calling you
November 26, 2025 at 4:43 PM
To the Boomer whose cell phone rang outloud multiple times during physical therapy: why
Why is your ringer on
And why are people even calling you
Why is your ringer on
And why are people even calling you
Maturity is knowing I need a nap before I go grocery shopping the weekend before Thanksgiving
And if yall bought all the ham I am fine with eating pizza
MATURITY
And if yall bought all the ham I am fine with eating pizza
MATURITY
November 22, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Maturity is knowing I need a nap before I go grocery shopping the weekend before Thanksgiving
And if yall bought all the ham I am fine with eating pizza
MATURITY
And if yall bought all the ham I am fine with eating pizza
MATURITY
My 60yo physical therapist and I agree that computer updates are so annoying and ruin everything
November 21, 2025 at 6:19 PM
My 60yo physical therapist and I agree that computer updates are so annoying and ruin everything
Until recently, I thought the nervous system was somewhat imaginary
The catalyst for changing my perspective was my sciatic nerve
The catalyst for changing my perspective was my sciatic nerve
November 18, 2025 at 1:50 AM
Until recently, I thought the nervous system was somewhat imaginary
The catalyst for changing my perspective was my sciatic nerve
The catalyst for changing my perspective was my sciatic nerve
I think me and 20 women are all passing the same books around through the library. We will never meet, but we are a community
November 15, 2025 at 5:37 PM
I think me and 20 women are all passing the same books around through the library. We will never meet, but we are a community
12/10 recommend you follow this account to saturate your feed with pure and lovely content
WeRateDogs turns 10 years old today! A very silly idea to numerically objectify dogs has become one of the kindest and most powerful online communities ever. Thank you for joining us over the last decade. I never knew what this could be until you all showed me. Here's to many more good dogs ❤️
November 15, 2025 at 5:03 PM
12/10 recommend you follow this account to saturate your feed with pure and lovely content
I did a load of laundry, cooked a lasagna, and tidied my living room today. I am *so* productive when I work remote
November 7, 2025 at 9:14 PM
I did a load of laundry, cooked a lasagna, and tidied my living room today. I am *so* productive when I work remote
I am “wears sneakers around the home” years old now
November 6, 2025 at 12:51 AM
I am “wears sneakers around the home” years old now
My physical therapist asked me multiple times “so you didn’t injure yourself or anything before this started?” As if he has never met a 41 year old
November 4, 2025 at 10:44 PM
My physical therapist asked me multiple times “so you didn’t injure yourself or anything before this started?” As if he has never met a 41 year old
Reposted
Note: This is me — I asked this question.
You’ll hear me say “yes you have” here — because Johnson was already *directly asked* about one of these instances (when the Presbyterian minister was shot in the head with a pepper ball) in one of earlier shutdown press conferences.
You’ll hear me say “yes you have” here — because Johnson was already *directly asked* about one of these instances (when the Presbyterian minister was shot in the head with a pepper ball) in one of earlier shutdown press conferences.
Q: Just last week a minister was shot directly in the face with a pepper round by a DHS agent that left his face bloodied. Are you concerned that this is a religious freedom issue?
MIKE JOHNSON: I can't comment on any of those instances. I haven't seen or heard any of those videos
MIKE JOHNSON: I can't comment on any of those instances. I haven't seen or heard any of those videos
October 29, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Note: This is me — I asked this question.
You’ll hear me say “yes you have” here — because Johnson was already *directly asked* about one of these instances (when the Presbyterian minister was shot in the head with a pepper ball) in one of earlier shutdown press conferences.
You’ll hear me say “yes you have” here — because Johnson was already *directly asked* about one of these instances (when the Presbyterian minister was shot in the head with a pepper ball) in one of earlier shutdown press conferences.
I am wearing hideous athletic sneakers with my work outfit today because of sciatica pain, and no less than 3 Gen Z coworkers have complimented this look
October 29, 2025 at 5:46 PM
I am wearing hideous athletic sneakers with my work outfit today because of sciatica pain, and no less than 3 Gen Z coworkers have complimented this look