can’t even get a third of a workout in without risking lasting damage. im gonna diy some new braces and see if i can’t force my joints to stop dislocating. fucking tendons man. my hip is playing my connective tissues like a harp

we were aware that getting ill would cause another flare up and potentially progress my symptoms. that doesn’t mean we’re thrilled that our meat has turned to liquid goo and is dissolving our bones slowly. very annoying and inconvenient to my plots and ploys

LOVE AND PEACE ON EARTH I DIDN'T HAVE TO

I Do Not Want To Drive The Party To This Event.

like at a certain point im like. it's very obvious what drives my escapist tendencies. and i am communicating openly and often. what's a man to do when nobody cares that he's being taken advantage of and taken for granted

definitely mean To You when i get my feelings hurt after enduring a series of unsolicited criticisms. i did not ask but it is certainly my fault that i am not perfectly humorous and amicable while i am being insulted and told i am not allowed to participate in the outing but am required to attend

just don't get to participate. ok now that im grappling with that, yeah why not just start laying into me about my tone and then critiquing everything about my physical appearance. that's fair and kind. it's definitely unreasonable when i ask for five minutes to cope with being dragged. it's

like fuck!! take me at my word!!! i make an immense point about never lying specifically so that this major invisible thing in my life is believed when i say it!!! fuck me up!!!

free. something about that never seems to click, and to be fair i can't actually imagine the opposite because my versions of pain free are "low burner" and "in an altered state of consciousness" and neither of those actually properly count, i think. it's just so frustrating not being believed

complaining and noticing and suffering for years, clearly communicating that. like idk if i had a kid who said random bullshit hurt i would simply believe them, idk. idgi how it's confusing to them that i don't react to so much bullshit like. my pain scale is completely skewed, ive never been pain

like. damn maybe it wasn't right that i was asked to swallow pain without showing any sign for years. maybe it's okay that it was difficult and painful from childhood and it never got better like they said it would. that now we have reasons on paper that im in pain so only now is it real. when i was

everyone else fast enough and that's not my job but holy fuck does it feel bad to have so many expectations passively placed on me after years of demonstrating that it's not physically possible to meet those expectations, like, at all. that i injure myself in a lasting way by doing simple shit

like. ok. damn once or twice makes sense, to really understand my limits and see where im coming from when i ask for help. but that's not what's happening here. it's like my requests for help are entirely unheard when it's an act of service and there's something fucky about it and i can't therapize

kitchen alone with a chair trying to navigate between appliances taking way too long to make something way too simple. grinds my gears that they comment so often about how long it takes me. like yes im aware that's in fact why i asked for help. fucks sake. why make me perform this difficulty

forty fucking minutes asking for help and planning scope plus time of the help to be told "well you can get that started" (asked for help at this stage because i CAN'T LOL) or "that should be easy" (no followup, literally none for hours, what does this mean???) like it all ends up the same, in the

before actually accepting that, yeah that activity causes me pain and exhausts me. and it's like. a really tired song and dance because im just out here tanking damage while trying to do basic bullshit and it's a little maddening to be told "oh you could have asked for help" when i spent actually

🖥️ has some kind of river in egypt issue going on or something because for as much progress as we've made in making things accessible around the house, there's a huge disconnect between my daily abilities and the bs he thinks i "should" be able to do. and he'll force me to fail at it multiple times

🌟 is just too tired, i think. he usually puts off all requests until im audibly suffering and only turns them down due to exhaustion. this is easier to navigate bc there's a lot more honesty w boundaries and abilities. i still don't like that my own words aren't believed, but ig that's my own fault

just kinda keep on keeping on, so ill bring it up again and there's like this weird pushback? and it'll be put off until it gets really urgent and dire and im suffering, and unless im doing something to like perform that suffering then they'll continue to act like it isn't happening, even if i tell