The term critical thinking has gotten a bad rap. People think (uncritically) that to be critical means to be a nay-sayer, to be cynical, to stand in the way of progress. While this could be the impr...

I have been looking forward to this for a long time. Partially because this is where the money grab happens. Partially because it’s an amazing mind game opportunity that I plan to milk at every possi...

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“Interesting challenge! So what are we going to do about it?” There are at least three meanings of the word “we” that I know about: First is the communal we, referring to you and me, or us as a gr...

YouTube video by Zef Hemel

“I’ve observed something, and it worries me.” Often the impact people have on your growth can be traced back to just a few key moments. One of those moments was about to happen with my boss. “I’ve...

“I’ve observed something, and it worries me.” Often the impact people have on your growth can be traced back to just a few key moments. One of those moments was about to happen with my boss. “I’ve noticed that your product counter-part is planning a reorg in your scope. Are you involved in that?” “Nope.” “I didn’t think so. Do you not think you should be?” It looked like I was being sidelined by my product counter-part (a director of product) that had just joined the organization. This wasn’t good. “I should! He shouldn’t be doing this! Can you stop him? Team structure is my responsibility, isn’t it? Product people should know their place.” “Well, that is one way to go. I’d rather focus on something else. To me, this is just a _symptom_ of a deeper issue.” “Which is?” _“He doesn’t trust you._ He doesn’t see you as a partner. Let me tell you a bit about how I [the Chief Technology Officer] and the CPO [Chief Product Officer] work together.” What he went on to detail was not an elaborate role description and responsibility matrix. Instead, what he described was a history of his relationship with the CPO. How they both joined the company, how at some point he had reported to him, and how they had later become peers. He’d talk about the long weekly meetings they had, where they’d discuss everything from product strategy to tech strategy. He told me some offsite anecdotes. It almost seemed like they had become _BFFs_ (Best Friends Forever). “And as a result,” he concluded, “whenever something important needs to be decided — I am his first call, and he is mine. If he’s unavailable, I can step in, and vice versa. Thoughts?” * * * This was unconventional. I liked it. I got to work. I scheduled a weekly one-on-one with my product counter part, where we would discuss everything from product, to tech, to people issues we saw in our scope, as well as the weather. Since he was based in a different city, we started to travel more to meet in person. We even launched an internal podcast when the pandemic hit. We started to build a relationship. Over time we became _professional BFFs_. The results were remarkable. Not only were my decisions more informed with input from the product side, I now actually had a partner to discuss my challenges with. And having a partner you can fully trust, who is neither your boss or a report, is a rare gift. It also meant we had to join fewer meetings together, because in many contexts it became understood that he could speak on my behalf, and I could speak on his. * * * Ever since, this has become standard practice for me. The first thing I do: deliberately start building a relationship with my product counter-part and other strategic people. It even became a calendar item: “BFF time 🥳” Does this always work? Can you always manage to get to _professional BFF_ levels? No. Whereas you generally get to pick your personal BFFs, this is usually not the case in a professional context. However, it is absolutely worth trying to approximate. For this, it really helps to be people centered as a leader. Even if the other is not somebody you’d naturally gravitate to, for sure it will be an interesting project. Can you figure this person out? What’s their origin story? What drives them? What makes them tick? Chances are you’ll find overlap to build on. However, sometimes things just don’t click and cannot be made to click. In such cases, the only thing to do is to revert to protocol: Who does what? Who decides what? Who should know what? While this mode can work — and is generally considered a “best practice” — I view it as a missed opportunity. And sadly, in my experience it is often a foreboding of trouble to come. If I fail to properly connect with my product counter part, things generally do not end well. **FOR THEM** (or sometimes me). This is not a threat. * * * I only recently connected the dots on why _professional BFFing_ is so effective. In Uncle Melv I wrote: > If you start to notice there’s recurring friction between your team and another, check your org chart. Chances are that you’re fairly far apart. _Conway’s Law_ strikes again. In most organization’s org charts, product and engineering fork off close to the top: there’s usually a CTO and a CPO, then directors, heads, manager for these roles report up to their functional leader. The lower you go in the org chart, the farther apart product and engineering are. This means natural communication lines are thinner. By default, people tend to communicate more with their boss and direct team members. For engineering, the first organizational touch point with product is the CEO. That’s a challenge, and as a result product and engineering orgs do not always sail smoothly. The obvious solution is to fire all product people and let engineers run the show. Too early? _Fine_ , how about this — again quoting my earlier Uncle Melv post: > You can _compensate_ for this, through the magic of **network weaving**. > > The idea behind network weaving is simple: establish a communication line with the other team. Pick somebody on the other end, and start to meet them regularly. Talk about your team’s work and priorities, your struggles and successes, your hopes and dreams. Hey, that sounds familiar! _Professional BFFing_ is just a specific instance of _network weaving_. * * * Organizations rise and fall with strong collaboration across departments: product and engineering; engineering and marketing; product and legal. Due to org charts, these ties default to being weak. No need to feel bad, it’s only natural. It is _Conway’s Law_ at work, but it can be overcome to _some_ degree. Step 1 is to detect it. “I’ve observed something, and it worries me.” Step 2 is to start weaving that network. Have a regular coffee. Start a podcast. Become _professional BFFs_.

The Gaslighting Elephant in the Feedback RoomIf feedback is a gift, why does it keep punching us in the face? “Your test coverage didn’t grow as much as we asked, you should care about quality more.” ...

What have you done to me?! I used to assume people were just stupid, but now I’m starting to take their perspective. Make it stop! I’ve always had trouble coming up with good KPIs for myself. How do ...