Five year old listing my defining characteristics said "middle hair" call an ambulance

Why do people have so much to burn in summer? You just get your washing out and they're like fucking a let's have a stinky bonfire. I don't have anything to burn I don't think

For some reason Facebook is REALLY convinced I'm gonna be into making tiny acrylic things and adult colouring for beginners. I keep saying no, not me, I don't want to see this, but it says yes you will, you are, this is you. It's not me but does it know me, is it me, will it be me? WHO AM I

On our varying responses to the lockdowns and the five-year anniversary, for Stylist.co.uk. www.stylist.co.uk/health/menta... Paywalled, so get yer wallet out and read it for the price of a coffee. Expert input and fabulous case studies as standard

Is it a good thing or not that my phone's autocorrect now thinks 'duck' is a typo? Is that good? Is that adapting technology? Has it evolved or have I? All I know is I did not intend to send a message saying 'I think it's the same pair of fucks coming round here a lot'

I know I don't actually get anything for logging my Bird of the Day on the Merlin app but apparently that doesn't stop me nearly lobbing my phone out of the window because there's a long-tailed tit in the garden

It's not OK to purloin some of the ever-growing mountain of children's artwork and use it as eBay packing material, is it

Oh Christ my entire discover feed is now cats, pictures of cats I don't know. DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG

Staying on FB solely to count the number of 'dOeS Any0nE knOw tHiS cAt?' posts published on the daily in local groups because a person saw a cat outside that "looked lost". Oh it made a noise? And ate the food you gave it? And now it comes back to eat every day? How strange! Better just take it

When I look at birds through my new binoculars (shout-out Christmas and my 40s) they always seem to look right back at me and make me feel like a pillock for spying on them

I wish halloumi wouldn't groan when I cut it

My phone browser has started grouping inactive tabs into one unobtrusive place and now there's only four officially open, it's a glimpse into what life could be like

I made it! While I try to follow everyone I used to follow on t'other app, here are some recent bits from me...

One for Stylist on how to deal with the shitty limbo of baby loss

www.stylist.co.uk/fitness-heal...