I have to accept that I might end up living metaphorically in a granny flat behind my parents house. I have to get rid of my internalized ableism. Easier said than done. I don't want to feel like a loser but I don't know how else to feel.

Sometimes it feels like all I do is make bad choices. I am so hedonistic and self serving, but all the short term decisions I make cause me so much strife in the long term. I keep tearing apart my friendships on whims and the pursuit of those dopamine hits. I'm an addict at heart and it destroys me.

I don't know who I am supposed to be if I'm not going to graduate from college. I don't know how to accept the fact that I have a Real Disability, and I'm not faking every single one of my symptoms. I hate that these 2 factors overlap, and that if I wasn't disabled, I could get through school.