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Prof. Saab Story

@angryprof.bsky.social

33 followers 1 following 90 posts

Tenured in rage, adjunct in joy. Driver of a dying Saab. Publisher of papers I had to pay for. Normally surrounded by incompetence and incontinence. Failed gardener. Satire.

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · Sep 4

I can’t wait to pay a monthly subscription to have access to tech-bro little brother’s high school project monetize all my labs work funded by gov’t agencies.

Its like my saab: started with reasonable intentions, now re-engineered to sap the life from drivers just to keep it alive.

#AcademicSky

Elsevier @elsevierconnect.bsky.social · Sep 4

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 6h

To that guy at every conference who asks a question during every plenary: we get it—you’re here, you love the sound of your own thesis and voice on the conference speakers.

While I suffer imposter syndrome, you subject use to your poser syndrome.

Respectfully, sit yo ass down, bro.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 1d

It’s everything. Unless you’re holed up with a handcrafted Red Hat build from 2002, nothing’s immune to tech-bro babble about ROI, opportunity costs, and ‘ecosystem synergy.’ The whole digital world’s been optimized into misery.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 1d

Sick of these mandatory ‘upgrades.’ My Saab may leak oil and scream at cold starts, but at least it doesn’t demand a OS update to shift gears.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 1d

Another forced computer ‘upgrade’—new bugs, new pop-ups, nothing works faster. I’d be better off unplugged, but that’s impossible now. Every machine’s been enshitified into an OS turnpike.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 4d

Digital posters are horrible for networking. Why the hell are we flying to conferences to download an app and not meet? Physical posters, paper maps, scribbles in the margins—that’s irreplaceable. Without it, it’s just a silent Zoom with bad coffee. Horrible experience for trainees.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 8d

Dreamed I stumbled down the lecture hall stairs during a plenary, pretending it was an accident just to ask a question. Audience shocked and sympathetic, while I silently chuckle hiding my professional stunt man skills.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 8d

Secretary Robot Frog Kennedy warning about Tylenol like it’s batshit science from a cereal box. Meanwhile, real research drowns in paywalls and failed pass thru authentications. My Saab’s repair manual is more evidence-based.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 9d

Moshfest washrooms sounds like a bad idea… this body ages like my SAAB- nobody should be subjected to the visual and auditory barrage.

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 9d

Conference costs have exploded because the circuit is bloated—glut of events, chasing hotel contracts, apps, and swag. Imagine gathering at universities, crashing in dorms like the old days. Rough around the edges, sure, but the conversations would be richer, the science more honest.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 9d

Digital posters,
cold screens where faces should be—
networking dies here.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 9d

Conference jackass strolls in 5 minutes late, then sits directly in front of me. Perfect—now I get to watch the back of his head instead of the slides I paid $1125 to see.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 10d

Conferences have gone fully digital—crap apps, glitchy maps, no paper handouts. Painful for anyone who thinks visually. I don’t want to scroll, I want to see, orient, and have some control in the chaos.

Even my Saab comes with a printed manual.

#academicsky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 10d

My tweed jacket is covered in chalk dust, elbows patched, pockets are full of dull pencils and cough drop wrappers. Basically a wearable CV of disappointment. At least it doesn’t charge $200 a page.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 12d

My Saab’s timing belt whines like a student who just got an A- minus—loud, insistent, and convinced it deserves more credit than it earned.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 12d

Office hours today: no students from my class showed up. Instead, three randoms, a lost tourist, and my Saab—asking for an extension on its timing belt.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 12d

Office hours are a lottery. Students I’ve never seen before wander in with questions that aren’t from my class. Meanwhile the ones who actually need me vanish like funding.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 16d

Two hundred per page,
Saab leaks oil in the driveway—
Both bleed me for free.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 17d

Welcome to 2025, where academia rewards opinions dressed as facts.

Perfect fodder for the fat-cat ladder climbers—loud, glossy, and empty, seeking jobs that climb into peoples butts, sets up a desk and nameplate.

Meanwhile, real data sits ignored like my Saab in the faculty lot.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 19d

Got invited to review a paper. Publisher makes me register on yet another site to do it. Is this the progress we’ve been waiting for? If so, send me back to 1988—my Saab ran better and journals cost less.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 19d

There’s humility in walking into a conference outside your field. The honest scientists are there, doing their best, pushing knowledge forward quietly—no booths, no apps, no ego.

Slow clap to those who get out of their academic comfort zones.

For you young farts, do that.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 19d

Best feeling: slipping into a conference where I know nothing and nobody knows me. No dumb-ass society rituals, just coffee on tap. I can duck out unnoticed—like my Saab stalling quietly in the parking lot.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 21d

Publishers make me register again for the same damn journal family. Then tell me it’s for my benefit. That’s not access, that’s academic gaslighting.

My Saab lies less often—and it won’t charge $200 a page.

#academicsky

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 22d

Conference fees drain,
Professional funds run dry—
Less swag, more ideas.

#AcademicSky

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Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 22d

That sucks.

Prof. Saab Story @angryprof.bsky.social · 22d

Jacked up prices in part pay for “convenience creep”, crapware, and empty conference rooms. I’d rather pay 5$/beer at the local grad lounge with colleagues than 25$/martini at some place i’ll never ever go back to. And I’d rather sit in a room made for learning, not Ted Talks.

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