Aqua Thomason
@aquathomason.bsky.social
Sassy 🏳️⚧️ comedian, writer, entertainer, and the kinda jokester bestie you need in your life. Plus, I have friends who'll post the bail.
Suing McDonald's over the McRib is like suing Chick-fil-A bc you're afraid they put cock 🐓 in your mouth.
#comedypost
#comedypost
January 9, 2026 at 6:46 PM
Suing McDonald's over the McRib is like suing Chick-fil-A bc you're afraid they put cock 🐓 in your mouth.
#comedypost
#comedypost
Post Christmas question.
Why is Santa Claus sexually frustrated?
Because he only comes once a year.
🎄🎄🎄
Why is Santa Claus sexually frustrated?
Because he only comes once a year.
🎄🎄🎄
December 31, 2025 at 6:52 AM
Post Christmas question.
Why is Santa Claus sexually frustrated?
Because he only comes once a year.
🎄🎄🎄
Why is Santa Claus sexually frustrated?
Because he only comes once a year.
🎄🎄🎄
Ever let out a fart and think it was calling you a sl*t? Dontcha just hate judgmental a**holes?
December 29, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Ever let out a fart and think it was calling you a sl*t? Dontcha just hate judgmental a**holes?
In stories about the life of Christ, Protestants are often taught that Jesus died at 33 and was a virgin.
That's not a shocker. Can you imagine Jesus trying to hit and the woman keeps saying, "Oh God! Oh God!" And he's like, "Why are you thinking about my dad?"
#ComedyPost
That's not a shocker. Can you imagine Jesus trying to hit and the woman keeps saying, "Oh God! Oh God!" And he's like, "Why are you thinking about my dad?"
#ComedyPost
November 21, 2025 at 5:22 PM
In stories about the life of Christ, Protestants are often taught that Jesus died at 33 and was a virgin.
That's not a shocker. Can you imagine Jesus trying to hit and the woman keeps saying, "Oh God! Oh God!" And he's like, "Why are you thinking about my dad?"
#ComedyPost
That's not a shocker. Can you imagine Jesus trying to hit and the woman keeps saying, "Oh God! Oh God!" And he's like, "Why are you thinking about my dad?"
#ComedyPost
Stanley Tucci is such a pretentious foodie. I wouldn't want to be his wife. You know he posts reddits after he eats her 🐈.
November 15, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Stanley Tucci is such a pretentious foodie. I wouldn't want to be his wife. You know he posts reddits after he eats her 🐈.
Why is it that menstruation is the Voldemort of cis female bodily functions? 🤔
November 8, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Why is it that menstruation is the Voldemort of cis female bodily functions? 🤔
Is it still called "dicking around" if there isn't any dick involved?
November 3, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Is it still called "dicking around" if there isn't any dick involved?
NEVER go on Google to search "Dirty Sanchez"! Also, NEVER do it in Google images.
#1. It's racist.
#2. It needs to be renamed The Dirty Hitler.
#ComedyPost
#1. It's racist.
#2. It needs to be renamed The Dirty Hitler.
#ComedyPost
October 18, 2025 at 7:43 PM
NEVER go on Google to search "Dirty Sanchez"! Also, NEVER do it in Google images.
#1. It's racist.
#2. It needs to be renamed The Dirty Hitler.
#ComedyPost
#1. It's racist.
#2. It needs to be renamed The Dirty Hitler.
#ComedyPost
Would it be weird if someone admitted that during puberty they had a sexual fantasy about a three-way with Mr Rogers and his postman Mr McFeely?
Different strokes for different folks, right? 🤷🏻♀️
Different strokes for different folks, right? 🤷🏻♀️
October 17, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Would it be weird if someone admitted that during puberty they had a sexual fantasy about a three-way with Mr Rogers and his postman Mr McFeely?
Different strokes for different folks, right? 🤷🏻♀️
Different strokes for different folks, right? 🤷🏻♀️
Do Satanists play sex games? Like one of them is Father Merrin and the other is little Reagan? Or one of them is Beezelbub and the other is Rosemary?
#HappyHallowhatever
#HappyHallowhatever
October 10, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Do Satanists play sex games? Like one of them is Father Merrin and the other is little Reagan? Or one of them is Beezelbub and the other is Rosemary?
#HappyHallowhatever
#HappyHallowhatever
I'm always confused when a hetero woman tells me her man "f*cked her stupid".
Like what does that even mean? Did he miss the target and put it in your butt? 🤷🏻♀️
Like what does that even mean? Did he miss the target and put it in your butt? 🤷🏻♀️
September 21, 2025 at 5:11 PM
I'm always confused when a hetero woman tells me her man "f*cked her stupid".
Like what does that even mean? Did he miss the target and put it in your butt? 🤷🏻♀️
Like what does that even mean? Did he miss the target and put it in your butt? 🤷🏻♀️
If Beyonce's song "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" was covered by a male artist, it would take on a whole new meaning.
"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."
If a gay male artist recorded it same thing, just far more expressive choreography.
"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."
If a gay male artist recorded it same thing, just far more expressive choreography.
September 21, 2025 at 4:16 PM
If Beyonce's song "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" was covered by a male artist, it would take on a whole new meaning.
"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."
If a gay male artist recorded it same thing, just far more expressive choreography.
"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."
If a gay male artist recorded it same thing, just far more expressive choreography.
I saw some lame a** ghost joke on Instagram, which got me to thinking. I'm not gonna wait til next month to post it.
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-gati. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-gati. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
September 20, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I saw some lame a** ghost joke on Instagram, which got me to thinking. I'm not gonna wait til next month to post it.
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-gati. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-gati. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I'm sharing one of my Facebook posts. I wanted to keep this account for my comedy. But, I wanted to try putting love into the universe. We'll see how this goes. I'm not optimistic about it. 🤷🏻♀️
September 13, 2025 at 6:55 PM
I'm sharing one of my Facebook posts. I wanted to keep this account for my comedy. But, I wanted to try putting love into the universe. We'll see how this goes. I'm not optimistic about it. 🤷🏻♀️
Is female tea bagging called clam dipping? Cuz if not, it should be. Just saying
September 7, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Is female tea bagging called clam dipping? Cuz if not, it should be. Just saying
Snoop Dogg became a Trumper this year. He sold out faster than Plan B after Spring Break.
August 31, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Snoop Dogg became a Trumper this year. He sold out faster than Plan B after Spring Break.
August 24, 2025 at 3:18 PM
The new season of Match Game on ABC sucks harder at being funny than Riley Gaines sucks at competitive swimming
August 22, 2025 at 6:53 AM
The new season of Match Game on ABC sucks harder at being funny than Riley Gaines sucks at competitive swimming
The new season of Match Game on ABC sucks harder at being funny than Greg Abbott sucks at walking.
August 22, 2025 at 6:29 AM
The new season of Match Game on ABC sucks harder at being funny than Greg Abbott sucks at walking.
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than being Kristi Noem's puppy
August 22, 2025 at 6:27 AM
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than being Kristi Noem's puppy
The new season of Match Game on ABC is dryer than my deceased grandma's vagina. 🤦🏻♀️
August 22, 2025 at 6:13 AM
The new season of Match Game on ABC is dryer than my deceased grandma's vagina. 🤦🏻♀️
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than watching Kanye West give an interview on Fox News.
August 22, 2025 at 6:01 AM
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than watching Kanye West give an interview on Fox News.
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than getting fisted by John Cena & Dave Bautista at the same time, no lube.
August 22, 2025 at 5:55 AM
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than getting fisted by John Cena & Dave Bautista at the same time, no lube.
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than watching Eric Trump attempt to sound intelligent.
August 22, 2025 at 5:53 AM
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than watching Eric Trump attempt to sound intelligent.
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than trying to listen to a Bravo Housewife sing.
August 22, 2025 at 5:52 AM
Watching the new season of Match Game on ABC is more painful than trying to listen to a Bravo Housewife sing.