🍒! 🍑!

Except I can't even find those jobs. Fml. I'd start selling art if I could afford a decent tablet. All I got is 20 year old sketch pads and mechanical pencils from middle school and unnurtured talent. I straight up draw practically the same way I did when I was 12. I need a beer.

seriously though! I'm bleeding money, and even tho I got a great resume, I can't find anything better than grunt work. Shit, maybe I should try to become a pro artist and just do furry shit or something, cuz wtf? Im sitting here with a fucking college diploma and I might as well be cleaning toilets.

can't find a good job, can't afford food, can't fix my apartment, can fix up my car. It's an endless loop of stuff I need to do, would like to do, and the people around me calling me useless for not doing of it. I'm just tired. I need a nap, a fap, and probably a frap tomorrow. Goodnight Bluesky.

Man, it sucks when you realize you've had a dark side since the earliest memories of your childhood. an 8 year old shouldn't wish they were never born. Parents would be happy and probably alive. I need to stop thinking that way. It's just so hard. The state of everything just makes me worse.

and live off of personal pizzas and sodas until my own body crashes. See how everyone handles life after me. The irony is I have a sinking feeling things would just be better. Sunshine and rainbows as soon as I check out. I know it doesn't work that way, and that's the void talking, but

I'm literally running in place. Wasting all of my recourses but going nowhere fast. Now tensions are high with everyone in my family. I feel useless despite being the only breadwinner. But everyone still finds a way to make it about how it's my fault. I'm just going to reduce my groceries for myself

What good am I? I don't feed the oligarchy as much as they want me to. I'm scraping by to make ends meat. I'm in more debt now than when I went to college. I need my credit card for groceries! My SO can't do much cuz of chronic illnesses. but I can't get them help either cuz Healthcare sucks.

I do want someone to marathon Ruby Gloom with. 😅

Just keep fighting the good fight. My therapist is going to have a field day next week.

Oh! they have to be wearing thick frame glasses, too! Sigh, if you've made it this far, one, WHO ARE YOU!? and two, I'll be okay. It's just a rough patch. This, too, shall pass, I guess. I'm just so tired. This world is not meant for good people. Let alone people who want to do good. But we have to.

At this point, my next drawing should be a mix of all my fetishes. I wonder how to mix topless in jeans, tied to a cross, having their petite mameries pumped, while their armpits are licked, all the while moments before the heart is ripped a-la Night of the Seagulls.

If I can even call it that. It's unprocessed trauma manifested as unhealthy fetishes caused by a social impotence that melds things I find exciting and dangerous with religious imagery and self-sacrificing martyrdom.