(stay tuned for my soapbox I mean future Ted Talk: ‘Transformative Use is the Highest Form of #Creative Flattery’ 😹) /5 fin.

And what I’m saying is that so far I’ve re-written the lyrics for two of the songs from Emmy Rossum’s 2007 new age album because that little bit of madness my brain threw against the wall two years ago finally figured out how to speak to me. /4

and eventually you notice there is an entire first draft waiting to be written but now you must DO IT NOW LEST WE FORGET OR LOSE INTEREST OR GET ILL! /3

Until one day you scrape that particular bit against a corner as you’re trying to pull on a sock with balance that fails you, and it gets irritated, and starts to collect little bits and grow /2

I must buy all the pretty journals, notebooks, sketchbooks. “Will I ever write in them?” DON’T JUDGE MEEEE #writerproblems

It’s still my fault (it feels that way) because I must have overworked, underslept, undersalted, overhydrated, etc. No more cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, or even bread. (F U #celiac)

I am tired of having all the power over my body and sometimes none. I just wanted to say that for my POTS peeps. /5

The bottom line is that I am responsible for the outcome of my POTS treatment: I do the supplementation, the exercise, the pacing, the breathing, the diet, managing the insomnia and pain and constant fatigue. So when I have days like today, where I just wake up underpowered and emotionally spent… /4

Then maybe I can do my job as a writer for an hour or two. Maybe I can read up on some research for thirty minutes. If I’m really having a good day, I can pick up my bow and shoot some target practice, work on my form. Do the thing that brings me joy and makes me feel like me. /3

And all of this is just to make sure I achieve my baseline state of existence and don’t have to lie in bed all day. THEN, I get to be a NDx3 parent to a NDx3 kiddo who doesn’t know what Pathological Demand Avoidance means but can tell me the name of every Pokemon and each of their evolutions. /2

Same over here. Elder Millenial.

This is also how I feel about Trans Siberian Orchestra. Come at me, friends. 📣 but politely, okay? The holidays are hard for everyone 😹