They'll never eat through this!

complicated reasons

I have one, but I can't really run it

my legs are so cold... hot air never reaches my office...

vay-pour-wave!

These things happen

They absolutely should

That was so boss. That's my canonical version now

Anybody who said they was et by a bear is a liar

I was the only person in the theater who laughed when Ralph's character dressed down John's about the awful movie. I felt like I was part of an elite club of idiots

You ever watch The Pest? Don't.

It's the movie that ended John Leguizamo's comedy career. It's such an irredeemable waste of time that it's referenced in The Menu as why the chef hates John's character

I get rave reviews like whenever I sit somebody down to watch it.
"that sure was a motion picture"
and
"what did you just make me watch"

I love it, but it's quite bad

The last time I tried to squat and hover to pee, I peed on my shoes