i don't like talking about this sort of stuff but i have to get it out somewhere. I'm hoping i can recover quick from this but as of right now. i don't really know. and to my friends thank you, i love every single one of you, even if I can't directly say it.

i don't know why but it feels like no matter how hard i try. i always find myself beating myself up due to those past actions, i feel like i changed but. whatever i do there's this lingering feeling of "you'll always go back to being that shitty person you once were". and it takes a toll on me.