At least I had only minor pain for a bit there, so I was able to get my room clean. I wasn't at my best, but felt better enough to get shit done. Now, once this is over, I can be more social again. Note to self, don't make the mistake that caused this to begin with again 🤣🤣🤣

I *think* I'm starting to feel better today, especially now that meds are kicking in. But I'm tired of being sick for literally a week after one issue. Like, let it runs it's course and let me be ok after. I'm a busy woman who can't sit here and deal with constant pain. Lol. 🧵

For mine. Ugh 😮‍💨 now I'm just rambling. I don't know why I still care about this guy. I hope it subsides, because I'm going to drive myself insane if I keep thinking about it....

It's ok I'm ok.

New group with a new photo, but your actual pfp is still the one I made for you? No. Change it. Please, erase me completely. And I mean that. I don't want to see reminents of myself there either. And the more jealous side of me saw he thanked her for her pfp, but never once thanked me in his prof 🧵

This new DJ group had a photo created by his new woman. Group created by him. Ok cool, so he removed the last one because I was a founder. That's ok. I get it. But his pfp is still an edit I made of his avatar at the early multiverse in 2022. Like...if you're trying to erase me, do it correctly? 🧵

It looks like he created a new DJ group, and either hid it in his profile or deleted that too. But I got mad all over again. I created his first DJ group for him, bc he knew nothing about SL and I wanted him to succeed. He's a fantastic DJ, so I was teaching him how it worked in SL. 🧵

Thing is, I hadn't even looked in months, until a mutual friend wrote me on discord with a bunch of messages that he had removed a whole bunch of people from his DJ group. Like a copy/paste "user was removed from group by (him)" messages. I figured he was leaving SL again. Good. I was wrong. 🧵

I sound fucking pathetic, honestly. But he has some weird hold on me, despite him not being what I want. So, having access to his profile, even with him being blocked is really not healthy for me. But hey, it'll teach me to tell myself no. It's not worth the look. 🧵

I guess, in summary, he's just...the one person in SL I felt that incredible of a connection with, but at the same time, knew he was awful for me. He's incredibly jealous, essentially sabotaged multiverse in 2023 with this same push-pull shit he did with me in Sept/Oct, and THAT'S what I want?? 🧵

I can't help myself. Check to see if he still works at the club he works at, seeing if he's even still coming online, looking for any indication he's still seeing that other girl. And then more petty thoughts cross my mind. I won't get into those, and will probably never act on them. 🧵

Friends if he hadn't immediately started to pull me in, dancing with me, talking about our history fondly, blah blah. So to drop that bombshell after actively trying to get me back, it made something in me snap. So i block anyone else, I don't spare them another thought. But him? Ugh. It's like 🧵

But when I finally said, against my better judgement, "ok let's try again", that's when he dropped it on me that he was already interested in someone else. Which actually broke me. Worth noting he's the ONLY person on the planet who can break me like that. And I would have been fine just being 🧵

And that makes it harder to not occasionally look. For additional context, we broke up early last year. But we remained friends. He had basically left SL, but he came back in September. The moment he came back, he started pulling me back in, flirting, saying those things I couldn't resist. 🧵

But like....that's the issue. Yeah I can alternatively teach myself better discipline, but I know he's also looking at my profile and even doing the same thing I've done in mine regarding my DJ sets. Once I put my stream links in mine, he did the same on his. I know he's paying attention. 🧵

A guy I was with for 2+ years in SL was the bane of my existence, toxic, just awful for me...I'm freer without him, but....a part of me still cares. So I search him up to see how he's doing. I don't have great self discipline, but I'm certainly trying now. I'll never have closure if I keep looking 🧵