I have a fun thing where when I type my left hand belongs to Mavis Beacon and my right hand ✨plays jazz✨

Here’s a freebie for the next time you’re giving a presentation and having technical difficulties

“Slide show, more like slide sh-oh no”

Me when I’m serving doubles: what’s the wind doing? Don’t change your grip. Don’t forget the score. Don’t rush even if you’ve tossed and caught the ball multiple times.

Me when I’m at the net in doubles: *bopping side to side like in Wii sports, head empty*

When you buy a set of silver and it’s five pieces so it has those big spoons? That’s my enemy

I need the option to block books on Goodreads, I never want to see “Thinking Fast and Slow” ever again

I forgot to tell my dad I moved to Chicago for like 6 months and it went so well I still haven’t told him I got laid off in 2023 and have been working at a new company for a year

It feels like St. Patrick’s day is a holiday for unions

If I worked at a yarn store I would compliment the knitwear of every customer just in case I could give them a chance to say “thank you, I made it”

If Jp describes a movie to me as “the monkey movie” one more time I’m gonna start crying

In kindergarten when they taught you not to cut towards yourself with scissors was that supposed to be forever or just because we were small and uncoordinated? Like can I cut towards myself now if I promise to be careful?

Die Hard is most likely not a Christmas movie, as most historians believe the film took place during the Spring and was moved to December by early Christians in order to co-opt pagan action films.

Can’t believe I have to spend the rest of my life searching for these stocking holders second hand