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The Babylon Bee
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Jasmine Crockett Hits Campaign Trail To Axe For Votes

https://babylonbee.com/news/jasmine-crockett-hits-campaign-trail-to-axe-for-votes/?utm_source=fediverse
Jasmine Crockett Hits Campaign Trail To Axe For Votes
HOUSTON, TX — Representative Jasmine Crockett has officially launched her Senate bid, immediately hitting the campaign trail to "axe for votes."
babylonbee.com
December 11, 2025 at 5:27 PM
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23 Gifts The Wise Men Should Have Brought Instead

https://babylonbee.com/news/23-gifts-the-wise-men-should-have-brought-instead/?utm_source=fediverse
23 Gifts The Wise Men Should Have Brought Instead
babylonbee.com
December 10, 2025 at 10:03 PM
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Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again […]
Original post on gameliberty.club
gameliberty.club
December 10, 2025 at 8:01 PM
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Small Group Waits In Hushed Anticipation As Newlyweds Prepare To Offer Marriage Advice

https://babylonbee.com/news/small-group-waits-in-hushed-anticipation-as-newlyweds-prepare-to-offer-marriage-advice/?utm_source=fediverse
Small Group Waits In Hushed Anticipation As Newlyweds Prepare To Offer Marriage Advice
OLATHE, KS — A local church gathering was set to offer new insights into life that no one else had ever discovered before, as a small group waited in hushed anticipation, as newlyweds prepared to offer marriage advice to everyone else.
babylonbee.com
December 10, 2025 at 7:46 PM
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Life Hack: Trick A Lovely Lady Into Marrying You By Hiding Your Obsessive Hobby Until Alas It Is Too Late For Her

https://babylonbee.com/news/life-hack-trick-a-lovely-lady-into-marrying-you-by-hiding-your-obsessive-hobby-until-alas-it-is-too-late-for-her/?utm_source=fediverse
Life Hack: Trick A Lovely Lady Into Marrying You By Hiding Your Obsessive Hobby Until Alas It Is Too Late For Her
Men, if you're still looking for love we've got a sweet life hack for you today — trick a nice girl into marrying you by hiding your obsessive hobby until after you've tied the knot and she's stuck with you.
babylonbee.com
December 10, 2025 at 7:18 PM
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13 Things Safer To Give Your Kids Than A Smartphone

https://babylonbee.com/news/13-things-safer-to-give-your-kids-than-a-smartphone/?utm_source=fediverse
13 Things Safer To Give Your Kids Than A Smartphone
The kids are really begging for smartphones this Christmas, but we all know there are potential risks. In lieu of purchasing your child a smartphone, perhaps consider any of these 13 safer alternatives:
babylonbee.com
December 10, 2025 at 7:05 PM
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Kwanzaa Finally Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank On White People

https://babylonbee.com/news/kwanzaa-finally-revealed-to-be-elaborate-prank-on-white-people/?utm_source=fediverse
Kwanzaa Finally Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank On White People
U.S. — In a corroboration of what many had long suspected, a new report finally confirmed that the holiday of Kwanzaa had been revealed to be an elaborate prank on white people.
babylonbee.com
December 10, 2025 at 6:48 PM
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Trump Announces Aid Package To Farmers To Help Them Deal With How Amazing Economy Is

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-announces-aid-package-to-farmers-to-help-them-deal-with-how-amazing-economy-is/?utm_source=fediverse
Trump Announces Aid Package To Farmers To Help Them Deal With How Amazing Economy Is
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A $12 billion aid package for the agricultural industry is designed to help American farmers cope with how good the economy is, President Trump announced Monday.
babylonbee.com
December 10, 2025 at 6:01 PM
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Judge Finds Luigi Mangione Too Stunningly Handsome And Gorgeous To Stand Trial

https://babylonbee.com/news/judge-finds-luigi-mangione-too-stunningly-handsome-and-gorgeous-to-stand-trial/?utm_source=fediverse
Judge Finds Luigi Mangione Too Stunningly Handsome And Gorgeous To Stand Trial
NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.
babylonbee.com
December 9, 2025 at 10:03 PM
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Pope Urges Jesus And Satan To Put All Their Differences Aside In The Name Of Peace

https://babylonbee.com/news/pope-urges-jesus-and-satan-to-put-all-their-differences-aside-in-the-name-of-peace/?utm_source=fediverse
Pope Urges Jesus And Satan To Put All Their Differences Aside In The Name Of Peace
VATICAN CITY — In the spirit of the Christmas season and as part of his ongoing quest to bring about widespread harmony throughout the world, Pope Leo XIV issued a proclamation urging Jesus and Satan to put all their differences aside in the name of peace.
babylonbee.com
December 9, 2025 at 9:09 PM
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Hollywood Announces Bold New Film Where An Evil Villain Is Just Evil And Not Misunderstood

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-fresh-new-story-villain-is-not-misunderstood-but-just-evil/?utm_source=fediverse
Hollywood Announces Bold New Film Where An Evil Villain Is Just Evil And Not Misunderstood
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In what is expected to be the season's hottest new movie, filmmakers have unleashed an innovative take on storytelling in which the villain was not portrayed as being misunderstood but instead was just evil.
babylonbee.com
December 9, 2025 at 7:36 PM
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People Of Gondor Begin To Wonder If They Should Move Their Capital City Away From The Big Fiery Shadow Mountains Filled With Orcs […]
Original post on gameliberty.club
gameliberty.club
December 9, 2025 at 7:02 PM
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Struggling New York Jets Sign Uncle Rico

https://babylonbee.com/news/struggling-new-york-jets-sign-uncle-rico/?utm_source=fediverse
Struggling New York Jets Sign Uncle Rico
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — Rico Dynamite, a long-time Idaho resident and former high school starting quarterback for the Preston Indians, was reportedly signed by the New York Jets in a surprise deal that is sure to win them the championship.
babylonbee.com
December 9, 2025 at 6:47 PM
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12 Reasons Qatar Is The Greatest Country On Earth [This Article Sponsored By Qatar]

https://babylonbee.com/news/12-reasons-qatar-is-the-greatest-country-on-earth-this-article-sponsored-by-qatar/?utm_source=fediverse
12 Reasons Qatar Is The Greatest Country On Earth [This Article Sponsored By Qatar]
Take it from us as free Americans, Qatar is the greatest country on earth. Way better than America, like way better. And that's a fact. Don't believe us? Check out these 12 reasons it's better than America.
babylonbee.com
December 8, 2025 at 10:14 PM
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Suck At Raising Kids? Here Are Our Top 15 Tips To Be A Perfect Parent

https://babylonbee.com/news/suck-at-raising-kids-here-are-our-top-15-tips-to-be-a-perfect-parent/?utm_source=fediverse
Suck At Raising Kids? Here Are Our Top 15 Tips To Be A Perfect Parent
Raising kids is hard. Even for experienced parents, every day brings new challenges. How can anyone do it perfectly?
babylonbee.com
December 8, 2025 at 9:51 PM
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Tucker Carlson Buys New Home In Mordor

https://babylonbee.com/news/tucker-buys-new-home-in-mordor/?utm_source=fediverse
Tucker Carlson Buys New Home In Mordor
NURN, MORDOR — Political commentator Tucker Carlson has reportedly purchased a piece of property in the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie. This will be Carlson's fourth house and his first next to a slave camp.
babylonbee.com
December 8, 2025 at 9:06 PM
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NCAA Confirms College Football Playoff Selections Made By Alcoholic Penguin

https://babylonbee.com/news/ncaa-confirms-college-football-playoff-selections-made-by-alcoholic-penguin/?utm_source=fediverse
NCAA Confirms College Football Playoff Selections Made By Alcoholic Penguin
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — In the wake of controversy over teams being snubbed and left out of the postseason championship tournament, the NCAA reluctantly confirmed that the College Football Playoff selections were made by an alcoholic penguin.
babylonbee.com
December 8, 2025 at 6:47 PM
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Pope Now Recommending Christians Pray The Rosary While Facing Mecca

https://babylonbee.com/news/pope-now-recommending-christians-pray-the-rosary-while-facing-mecca/?utm_source=fediverse
Pope Now Recommending Christians Pray The Rosary While Facing Mecca
VATICAN CITY — Catholics and Protestants around the world expressed concern this week, as Pope Leo XVI gave his recommendation that Christians pray the rosary while facing in the direction of Mecca.
babylonbee.com
December 8, 2025 at 6:52 PM
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Atheist Looks Forward To The Warmth And Cheer Of Arbitrary Cultural Traditions With No Transcendent Meaning

https://babylonbee.com/news/atheist-looks-forward-to-the-warmth-and-cheer-of-arbitrary-cultural-traditions-with-no-transcendent-meaning/?utm_source=fediverse
Atheist Looks Forward To The Warmth And Cheer Of Arbitrary Cultural Traditions With No Transcendent Meaning
NEW YORK CITY — Sources close to Gary Bard say that the long-time atheist is looking forward to the warmth and cheer of arbitrary cultural traditions with no transcendent meaning again this year.
babylonbee.com
December 8, 2025 at 5:33 PM
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Tragic: Wives Caught In Endless Thank You Card Loop

https://babylonbee.com/news/tragic-wives-caught-in-endless-thank-you-card-loop/?utm_source=fediverse
Tragic: Wives Caught In Endless Thank You Card Loop
GREENSBORO, NC — Local wives Misty Barnard and Kelsey Martin have become tragically caught in a never-ending loop of thank-you cards.
babylonbee.com
December 7, 2025 at 11:16 PM
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Special Needs People Demand Nation Stop Comparing Them To Tim Walz

https://babylonbee.com/news/special-needs-people-demand-nation-stop-comparing-them-to-tim-walz/?utm_source=fediverse
Special Needs People Demand Nation Stop Comparing Them To Tim Walz
U.S. — Americans with cognitive disabilities and other special needs have demanded that people stop comparing them to Tim Walz.
babylonbee.com
December 6, 2025 at 10:27 PM
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Nigerian Prince Scammed By Somali Immigrant

https://babylonbee.com/news/nigerian-prince-scammed-by-somali-immigrant/?utm_source=fediverse
Nigerian Prince Scammed By Somali Immigrant
LAGOS, NIGERIA — In yet another case of fraud perpetrated by Somalis, a Nigerian prince fell prey to an online scam perpetrated by a Somali immigrant.
babylonbee.com
December 6, 2025 at 10:10 PM
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Fans Worry Sale Of WB To Netflix Could Turn Comic Book Movies Into Soulless Cash Grabs

https://babylonbee.com/news/fans-worry-sale-of-wb-to-netflix-could-turn-comic-book-movies-into-soulless-cash-grabs/?utm_source=fediverse
Fans Worry Sale Of WB To Netflix Could Turn Comic Book Movies Into Soulless Cash Grabs
U.S. — Movie fans across the country have expressed concern that Warner Bros' sale to Netflix could lead to comic book movies becoming over-bloated, soulless cash grabs.
babylonbee.com
December 6, 2025 at 9:12 PM
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Jehovah’s Witness Family Takes Drive To Look At All The Houses With No Christmas Lights

https://babylonbee.com/news/jehovahs-witness-family-takes-drive-to-look-at-all-the-houses-with-no-christmas-lights/?utm_source=fediverse
Jehovah’s Witness Family Takes Drive To Look At All The Houses With No Christmas Lights
PASADENA, CA — A family of Jehovah's Witnesses continued their annual tradition of piling into the car and going for a drive to look at houses without Christmas lights.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 9:16 PM
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Taylor Swift Hoping Travis Kelce Forgot They’re Engaged

https://babylonbee.com/news/taylor-swift-hoping-travis-kelce-forgot-theyre-engaged/?utm_source=fediverse
Taylor Swift Hoping Travis Kelce Forgot They’re Engaged
KANSAS CITY, MO — Rumors swirled that the Kansas City Chiefs' disappointing season had led one of the world's biggest celebrities to reconsider her future, with Taylor Swift hoping that Travis Kelce had forgotten that they were engaged.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 8:16 PM