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Bantshire University

@bantshireuni.bsky.social

2.4K followers 1 following 60 posts

We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence. Ranked No.1 in the UK for Canteen Facilities (CEF, 2024). Vice-Chancellor Vince Chancelier (He/VC). Parody.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Aug 14

Admissions Teams accepting students through Clearing

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jul 19

Okay fine, we’ve got places in Psychology, Law and Medicine.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jul 11

It looks like you’re trying to find a creative marketing angle for your disappointing NSS results. Would you like me to start?

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jul 3

“My tears were actually tears of joy at our stable financial position”, claims Director of Finance during hastily arranged all-staff webinar, flanked by VC and DVC.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jun 14

We have discovered overnight that our new £400k Smart Window™ system at Kent Campus opens automatically to the sound of thunder.

A clean up operation is currently underway.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · May 16

If you have a grievance with the University, our complaints procedure is simple and effective - you can register a complaint using forms A24, S12, BA69, and QAQ7668 within 12 hours of the incident.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · May 15

Students are kindly reminded to remove post-it note artwork from their windows before this weekend’s open day.

Post-it notes in windows that spell “Do not apply it shit”.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · May 9

Reply All: A Short Story (CCed Durham)

➡️ bantshire.github.io/story-email.html

The University of Bantshire | ALL STAFF EMAIL

Buy more shit

bantshire.github.io

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Apr 13

Finally jumping on the trend…

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Apr 7

Following disappointing application numbers, the Vice-Chancellor has unveiled our new entry tariffs.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Apr 1

We’re upgrading our historic Great Lawn to use durable ArtiGrass™, helping to save on maintenance costs and improve aesthetics.

The DVC in a yellow digger laying artificial grass outside the Great Hall.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Mar 6

Happy #WorldBookDay 📚

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Mar 1

“Have you said thank you once?” shouts the Student Loans Company at tearful student after latest statement of £45,000

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Feb 28

Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Feb 28

“We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence.”

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Feb 20

NEWS: We’re reviewing our partnership with Trump University.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jan 30

Our new AI model ‘DeepBant’ is programmed to end all conversations with an unconditional offer.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jan 11

UPDATE: Secret shoppers from our recent Open Day will file their report on our catering as soon as they’re discharged from hospital.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Jan 10

NEWS: Students from Bantshire have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow this winter 👏

A row of houses with one of the roofs free from snow, clearly due to drugs being grown in the loft.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Dec 25

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.

“Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Vice-Chancellor” in WordArt

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Dec 24

Colleagues, please do not refer to our Emeritus Professors as ‘The Ghosts of Christmas Past’, thank you. ^HR

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Dec 20

NEWS: The Office for Students (OhffS) has approved The University of Bantshire’s request to change its name to University of The United Kingdom.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Dec 16

We’re excited to announce Yang Tengbo as our new Chancellor following the stepping down of Chancellor Gregg Wallace last month.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Dec 12

Congratulations on your graduation 👏

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · Dec 7

⚠️ LOST: Graduation Marquee ⚠️

Last seen floating over library. If found please call Dara in Estates #StormDaragh

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