I would have ruined myself for her, and yet she broke my heart. I don't blame her. I wasn't ready for anything then, especially not someone like her. I didn't know who I was outside of a being floating through life not really knowing he existed. All of my wants and desires hovered around basic necessities, food, casual entertainment and connection.

I miss the rush of touching you. It was a nervous excitement, and I hated it and loved it while I was with you. Thinking back now, I can't imagine saying no if you showed up out of the blue. I'd feel weak again, yes. I'd feel nervous and excited. I'd hate it and I'd love it at the same time.

She can't find me anymore. Like droplets of a gentle rain from a delicate petal, I slip from her skin to the mossy ground beneath her. All I can do is stare up and curse gravity's existence.There was never any reason for her to look down, why would she? Treetops and stars were where her eyes lived. She danced in the moonlight.

I can't see a world where this would work, which makes things a bit complicated when all I see is you. Blondes were my first. Despite what the darkness has pulled me into I can never say no to the light. I cannot stop staring at you. Every step of your path to and from I trace my eyes like a red line behind you.

Toot sweet. It means hurry, what good thing ever came too fast? You know your eyes sparkle sometimes? It might just be the glossy sheen of the retina, or uvula, or whatever that part of your eye is called but whatever it is it makes you look magical, like a princess. You're so damn sweet. I'm not sure I'd ever get my fill.

I am tempted by your chaos,and absolutely terrified of it.The memory I have of you always spreads slyly across my lips, but settles at a cringe.You are a volatile, whirling nightmare that I can't quite speed away from. My foot hits the breaks just enough to slow down and feel your wind on my back.There's a part of me that wants to get swept up in you, but that part cannot see the destruction left in your wake.

I can't quite drift back to that place I was when I was so stupid to think that I could write a masterpiece.It was a silly thought. Me? Writing words that survive time?I must have been delirious. Blinded by my brazenness.That time has long passed with the benefit of age, of wisdom, and the end of childish optimism.

I wanted you. I tried so hard. When I was with you, and it was good, and it didn't matter.It was worth it.

I won't bring you back. You're happy now and I'm ecstatic about that. All I ever wanted was to spend time with you and the little time we were able to was, sorry to be cliche but, it was magical.