And somehow that is not enough.
And it all feels like too much.

I don't even know how to be me.
How to cobble together two or three facets of me into a character that has nothing of import.
I don't know how to invent more lore.
I have too much already
Too much.
So I only speak when I have something to say.

The thinking feels like too much.
All I did that day was think.
And now my brain isn't enough
Cannot come up with anything worthy enough to add
I don't know how to be someone else.
I don't know how to invent someone else.
I only know how to be me.

The healthy food that makes my belly so sad.
A whole two weeks where a small pill is the difference between me feeling content, and me wanting to end it all and run away forever
To be the quietest in the room of the loudest.
To have to shout to match their speaking.
To be so tired.

You weren't enough.
You didn't mask
You didn't pretend to be anything you weren't.
But it was too much to ask.
Too much

It's been the longest day
So many uncomfortable things
So much stress
An hour of fighting traffic
Another hour of getting gas, air, and ibs.

The beautiful girl.
The one with the pretty smile and hair that's always looking at you when she laughs, to see if you're laughing too.
The one who kissed you unprompted and prompted all the butterflies to hatch.
Asking for that again was too much.
Too much.

You are stressed
You get frustrated
Why cannot people read? Why cannot they respond, or show up on time?
It's all too much.
Delegation feels like too much
Asking for help feels like too much.
It makes you feel like you're not enough.
They will replace you if you're not enough.
You have to be enough

This is a normal thing
People just go and do this.
What? Are you five?
It's not a big deal.
But it's too much.

Work.
You are capable.
You are smart
You always got called on just because in school, because you always knew the answer
You take on too much.

But the yoga takes effort, the walk takes energy, and the phone provides a blissful escape.
It's too much.
You share what's going on.
You share your fears and dislikes of the procedure.
You share too much.
Too much.

Dutch baby