Ben Alper
@benalp.bsky.social
Former late-night comedy writer & author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” https://tinyurl.com/3krv7h36
Pinned
Ben Alper
@benalp.bsky.social
· Jan 13
Before there was Johnny Carson, Dave Letterman, Jay Leno and company, there was late-night caveman Grog. “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” tinyurl.com/4mut42ve.
Have you considered becoming an advice columnist, but then thought, “How could I think of solutions to readers’ never-ending problems?” Fear not. Here are some answers that cover just about everything.
benalper.substack.com/p/generic-ad...
benalper.substack.com/p/generic-ad...
Generic Advice Column Answers
Have you considered becoming an advice columnist, but then thought, “How could I think of solutions to readers’ never-ending problems?” Fear not.
benalper.substack.com
January 29, 2026 at 1:47 PM
Have you considered becoming an advice columnist, but then thought, “How could I think of solutions to readers’ never-ending problems?” Fear not. Here are some answers that cover just about everything.
benalper.substack.com/p/generic-ad...
benalper.substack.com/p/generic-ad...
Trump said he had “very good call” with Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz. How does he define "good"? When the other person doesn't call him the personification of evil?
January 26, 2026 at 6:55 PM
Trump said he had “very good call” with Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz. How does he define "good"? When the other person doesn't call him the personification of evil?
If I were Trump's labor secretary, I'd be hitting the bottle, too.
nypost.com/2026/01/18/u...
nypost.com/2026/01/18/u...
Exclusive | IG probe uncovers Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer’s office booze ‘stash’ — and strip club visit with subordinates
The Post first exposed a bombshell complaint that alleged Chavez-DeRemer, 57, pursued an “inappropriate” relationship with an underling.
nypost.com
January 19, 2026 at 1:29 PM
If I were Trump's labor secretary, I'd be hitting the bottle, too.
nypost.com/2026/01/18/u...
nypost.com/2026/01/18/u...
A Netherlands court has invalidated a wedding ceremony held last year because the wording of their wedding speeches, which had been generated by ChatGPT, did not include certain mandatory phrases. It also explains why the ceremony concluded with the couple being awarded fishing licenses.
January 17, 2026 at 3:28 PM
A Netherlands court has invalidated a wedding ceremony held last year because the wording of their wedding speeches, which had been generated by ChatGPT, did not include certain mandatory phrases. It also explains why the ceremony concluded with the couple being awarded fishing licenses.
Karen Read is backing the Norfolk district attorney campaign of Adam Deitch, the former federal prosecutor who led the Justice Department probe into the handling of her case. Deitch added, “I’m grateful for Karen backing me instead of backing over me.”
January 15, 2026 at 7:24 PM
Karen Read is backing the Norfolk district attorney campaign of Adam Deitch, the former federal prosecutor who led the Justice Department probe into the handling of her case. Deitch added, “I’m grateful for Karen backing me instead of backing over me.”
Admit it. You knew this was coming.
apnews.com/article/ice-...
apnews.com/article/ice-...
Oglala Sioux Tribe says three tribal members arrested in Minneapolis are in ICE detention
The president of the Oglala Sioux Tribe in South Dakota said three of the four tribal members detained by ICE agents in Minneapolis last week have been transferred to an ICE facility and called for th...
apnews.com
January 14, 2026 at 5:03 PM
Admit it. You knew this was coming.
apnews.com/article/ice-...
apnews.com/article/ice-...
A woman in Miami was arrested after repeatedly punching an employee at Planet Fitness. She pleaded as she was being pulled away, "Please, I have only one more set!"
January 9, 2026 at 3:35 PM
A woman in Miami was arrested after repeatedly punching an employee at Planet Fitness. She pleaded as she was being pulled away, "Please, I have only one more set!"
I was never a good student. If my teachers could have invented a grade below F for me, it would have been called “Lower, lower, we’ll tell you when to stop.”
benalper.substack.com/p/when-good-...
benalper.substack.com/p/when-good-...
When Good Grades Are Relative to Relatives
I was never a good student.
benalper.substack.com
January 9, 2026 at 3:24 PM
I was never a good student. If my teachers could have invented a grade below F for me, it would have been called “Lower, lower, we’ll tell you when to stop.”
benalper.substack.com/p/when-good-...
benalper.substack.com/p/when-good-...
Are you a Republican thinking about running for office or reelection in 2026? It’s never too soon to start working on your sales pitch.
benalper.substack.com/p/2026-repub...
benalper.substack.com/p/2026-repub...
2026 Republican Campaign Pitch Template
Are you a Republican thinking about running for office or reelection in 2026?
benalper.substack.com
January 4, 2026 at 1:19 PM
Are you a Republican thinking about running for office or reelection in 2026? It’s never too soon to start working on your sales pitch.
benalper.substack.com/p/2026-repub...
benalper.substack.com/p/2026-repub...
Yes, delivering a baby in a car is impressive, but just once I’d like to read about someone overhauling a transmission in a maternity ward.
December 26, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Yes, delivering a baby in a car is impressive, but just once I’d like to read about someone overhauling a transmission in a maternity ward.
This is what people and presidents with class and character do: stay in the background and let others enjoy the spotlight.
December 26, 2025 at 1:13 PM
This is what people and presidents with class and character do: stay in the background and let others enjoy the spotlight.
According to a series of polls, Americans are increasingly convinced that aliens have visited Earth. That would, at the very least, explain Stephen Miller.
December 19, 2025 at 6:14 PM
According to a series of polls, Americans are increasingly convinced that aliens have visited Earth. That would, at the very least, explain Stephen Miller.
As a comedy writer, people often ask me: “Where did you get your sense of humor?”
benalper.substack.com/p/humor-runs...
benalper.substack.com/p/humor-runs...
Humor Runs in My Family, Then Slips on a Banana
As a comedy writer, people often ask me: “Where did you get your sense of humor?” I have no clinical answer, but an event that occurred during the birth of my younger sister points to why my brain is ...
benalper.substack.com
December 18, 2025 at 6:21 PM
As a comedy writer, people often ask me: “Where did you get your sense of humor?”
benalper.substack.com/p/humor-runs...
benalper.substack.com/p/humor-runs...
Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) to CNN: “I have not lost control of the House.”
December 17, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) to CNN: “I have not lost control of the House.”
I can't help but wonder if anyone ever referred to this writer's family as "a bunch of Sitholes"?
December 13, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I can't help but wonder if anyone ever referred to this writer's family as "a bunch of Sitholes"?
Looking for the perfect holiday gift for your favorite introvert? Nothing says “I get you” (with a minimum of eye contact) like “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts” tinyurl.com/y6x5tp7y
December 11, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Looking for the perfect holiday gift for your favorite introvert? Nothing says “I get you” (with a minimum of eye contact) like “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts” tinyurl.com/y6x5tp7y
Weeks after being released from federal prison where she served time for political corruption, former Boston city councilor Tania Fernandes Anderson spoke to a group about systemic racism – followed by a talk about systemic chutzpah.
December 11, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Weeks after being released from federal prison where she served time for political corruption, former Boston city councilor Tania Fernandes Anderson spoke to a group about systemic racism – followed by a talk about systemic chutzpah.
Historical and hysterical humor – Before there was Carson, Letterman, Leno and Colbert, there was late-night caveman Grog. “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” tinyurl.com/4mut42ve.
December 8, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Historical and hysterical humor – Before there was Carson, Letterman, Leno and Colbert, there was late-night caveman Grog. “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” tinyurl.com/4mut42ve.
New Trump policy: Legal representation begins at conception.
coppercourier.com/2025/12/05/c...
coppercourier.com/2025/12/05/c...
Three-year-old child forced to serve as her own attorney in Tucson immigration court
More than a dozen undocumented minors were forced to make their case in front of an immigration judge as the Trump administration ramps up removal proceedings.
coppercourier.com
December 8, 2025 at 2:19 PM
New Trump policy: Legal representation begins at conception.
coppercourier.com/2025/12/05/c...
coppercourier.com/2025/12/05/c...
I'm shocked -- that no one kneed him in the groin!
wtfdetective.blog/trump-wax-st...
wtfdetective.blog/trump-wax-st...
Trump wax statue gets pulled from texas museum after too many people punched it
A wax museum in San Antonio, Texas, had to pull its Donald Trump statue from public view after repeated incidents in which visitors physically attacked it.
wtfdetective.blog
December 7, 2025 at 2:26 PM
I'm shocked -- that no one kneed him in the groin!
wtfdetective.blog/trump-wax-st...
wtfdetective.blog/trump-wax-st...
Diarmuid Early won the Microsoft Excel World Championship 2025, beating 23 other players in the LAN finals at the HyperX Arena in Las Vegas. He was awarded $5,000 and a date with an Adobe Acrobat groupie.
December 5, 2025 at 3:52 PM
Diarmuid Early won the Microsoft Excel World Championship 2025, beating 23 other players in the LAN finals at the HyperX Arena in Las Vegas. He was awarded $5,000 and a date with an Adobe Acrobat groupie.
Brian Walshe’s murder trial began this week. My main reaction: You murder your wife, endlessly search the Internet for ways to dispose of a body, then leave parts of her body in various dumpsters -- and they never let you forget it.
December 3, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Brian Walshe’s murder trial began this week. My main reaction: You murder your wife, endlessly search the Internet for ways to dispose of a body, then leave parts of her body in various dumpsters -- and they never let you forget it.