Ben Tousey
@bentousey.bsky.social
Writer, author, comedian, amateur theologian, and a guy who realizes he's too old to be too young to die.
A man walks into a Drug Store and buys:
> Condoms
> Lube
> A 3-Hole punch
> And pain killers…
Why is everyone staring at me?
> Condoms
> Lube
> A 3-Hole punch
> And pain killers…
Why is everyone staring at me?
February 9, 2025 at 3:45 AM
A man walks into a Drug Store and buys:
> Condoms
> Lube
> A 3-Hole punch
> And pain killers…
Why is everyone staring at me?
> Condoms
> Lube
> A 3-Hole punch
> And pain killers…
Why is everyone staring at me?
In life, bad decisions make good stories.
February 9, 2025 at 3:42 AM
In life, bad decisions make good stories.
This is the day that the Lord has made… I'll get him for that!
February 9, 2025 at 3:41 AM
This is the day that the Lord has made… I'll get him for that!
I wanted to say something funny about your selfie, but your face beat me to it.
January 22, 2025 at 7:17 AM
I wanted to say something funny about your selfie, but your face beat me to it.
I've got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one. I'm not saying it will even work. But it sure beats sacrificing a virgin.
~ Dean Winchester
~ Dean Winchester
January 22, 2025 at 7:15 AM
I've got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one. I'm not saying it will even work. But it sure beats sacrificing a virgin.
~ Dean Winchester
~ Dean Winchester
When I was a student, I was no Einstein.
~ Albert Einstein
~ Albert Einstein
January 18, 2025 at 10:56 PM
When I was a student, I was no Einstein.
~ Albert Einstein
~ Albert Einstein
There's no reason to tell someone who's grieving to "be grateful". They can name a plethora of things that they are grateful for. Gratitude does not take away grief. Instead, the two will find a way to coexist with one another. So we support our friends by giving them a safe space to work that out.
January 17, 2025 at 8:24 PM
There's no reason to tell someone who's grieving to "be grateful". They can name a plethora of things that they are grateful for. Gratitude does not take away grief. Instead, the two will find a way to coexist with one another. So we support our friends by giving them a safe space to work that out.
I tried acting completely crazy today to see how people would react… Nobody noticed.
January 13, 2025 at 10:53 PM
I tried acting completely crazy today to see how people would react… Nobody noticed.
Reposted by Ben Tousey
Yeah, it's depressing to hear stories about looters, arsonists, and those politicizing the fires.
There are also stories about people donating to recovery efforts, opening their homes to strangers, businesses & communities banding together.
Don't let the evildoers dampen your faith in humanity.
There are also stories about people donating to recovery efforts, opening their homes to strangers, businesses & communities banding together.
Don't let the evildoers dampen your faith in humanity.
January 13, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Yeah, it's depressing to hear stories about looters, arsonists, and those politicizing the fires.
There are also stories about people donating to recovery efforts, opening their homes to strangers, businesses & communities banding together.
Don't let the evildoers dampen your faith in humanity.
There are also stories about people donating to recovery efforts, opening their homes to strangers, businesses & communities banding together.
Don't let the evildoers dampen your faith in humanity.
The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.
~ Betty White
~ Betty White
January 13, 2025 at 3:05 AM
The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.
~ Betty White
~ Betty White
Ben: I will never admit defeat.
Friend: But you were defeated.
Ben: But I'll never admit it.
Friend: But you were defeated.
Ben: But I'll never admit it.
January 8, 2025 at 5:46 AM
Ben: I will never admit defeat.
Friend: But you were defeated.
Ben: But I'll never admit it.
Friend: But you were defeated.
Ben: But I'll never admit it.
If you're afraid that there's someone or something out there that can somehow turn you gay... Congratulations! You're already gay.
January 6, 2025 at 7:21 PM
If you're afraid that there's someone or something out there that can somehow turn you gay... Congratulations! You're already gay.
I'm an unrated adult. That's right, I'm unadulterated! Maybe it's because I'm barely into my adultery.
January 6, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I'm an unrated adult. That's right, I'm unadulterated! Maybe it's because I'm barely into my adultery.
I'm craving pepperoni... fresh off the vine.
January 6, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I'm craving pepperoni... fresh off the vine.
Maybe God HAS answered your prayer. Maybe the answer is "LOL!"
January 6, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Maybe God HAS answered your prayer. Maybe the answer is "LOL!"
It's official. I've deactivated my Twitter account.
January 3, 2025 at 10:48 PM
It's official. I've deactivated my Twitter account.
I don't talk about God much. And the reason is, he doesn't talk about me.
January 3, 2025 at 9:44 PM
I don't talk about God much. And the reason is, he doesn't talk about me.
When Evangelicals say to me, "Love the sinner, hate the sin..." I respond, "Love the believer, hate the belief." It's ironic how offended they get when I say that.
January 3, 2025 at 9:41 PM
When Evangelicals say to me, "Love the sinner, hate the sin..." I respond, "Love the believer, hate the belief." It's ironic how offended they get when I say that.
I hate it when people say to me, "It's not personal. It's just business." Cause it IS personal. I'm a person. That you can think that what you're doing to me isn't "personal" suggests you don't see me as a person, but just a commodity—a means to your own ends. In other words, it's personal.
December 30, 2024 at 9:26 PM
I hate it when people say to me, "It's not personal. It's just business." Cause it IS personal. I'm a person. That you can think that what you're doing to me isn't "personal" suggests you don't see me as a person, but just a commodity—a means to your own ends. In other words, it's personal.
Some things in life just can't be taught. Like geometry.
December 30, 2024 at 7:07 PM
Some things in life just can't be taught. Like geometry.
Reposted by Ben Tousey
"We must not seek the Child Jesus in the pretty figures of our Christmas cribs. We must seek him among the undernourished children who have gone to bed at night with nothing to eat..."
St. Oscar Romero, Dec 24, 1979
St. Oscar Romero, Dec 24, 1979
December 25, 2024 at 8:51 PM
"We must not seek the Child Jesus in the pretty figures of our Christmas cribs. We must seek him among the undernourished children who have gone to bed at night with nothing to eat..."
St. Oscar Romero, Dec 24, 1979
St. Oscar Romero, Dec 24, 1979
I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping.
December 26, 2024 at 10:29 PM
I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping.
Reposted by Ben Tousey
Reposted by Ben Tousey
Pretty damn spot-on, don’t you think?
December 14, 2024 at 9:10 PM
Pretty damn spot-on, don’t you think?