The cops showed up three minutes later and immediately tried to defuse. Mo just pointed at the guy still convulsing near the soda machine and said, “He blinked aggressively.”

They asked him if he used force.

“No,” Mo said. “I used clarity."

Someone shouted “Worldstar!” and Mo gave them a knuckle sandwich on the house, followed by a complimentary side of regret.

Another guy? Mo parked his teeth in reverse like he was parallel jawing.

I don’t mean metaphorically. I mean the guy hit the wall so hard his phone disconnected from the router. He landed between the mop bucket and a motivational poster about “emotional leadership.”

Mo calmly set the tongs down like a man preparing for a baptism. Wiped his hands on his apron. Rolled his neck once. Then:

He punched the guy’s WiFi out.

Some dude in a backwards Bass Pro Shop hat decided to get brave with Mo, the guy on the grill. Said something like, “Spicy food’s for soyboys.” Said it loud, like he wanted the table next to us to hear.

Mistake #1.