******* ****** particles increase every time I work at this fucking job

how do i feel so lonely

sorrow like an aquifer
bubbling up through tears
wicked into cool catharsis

ok I ate I'm fine now

I don't even know who to vent to im just screaming into the void

maybe I'll just disappear in my room for a week and see how that goes

if i stop messaging first no one would talk to me.
people keep assuming the worst about me and that makes me sad.
there are people actively bullying me in my community and I don't know what to do about it, I try to ignore it but they won't stop talking shit about me and god it just sucks.

I wish I could just say like its brain worms and cast it to the back of my mind but I've been right too many times

would love if someone else made plans with me at some point instead of me doing it

depression hitting me like a bag of bricks the last few days

fr though it's fucked up how hard it is for me to trust how good things are going at any moment with how suddenly things have changed for me historically like I'm always just waiting for the rug pull of either losing my job, someone losing feelings for me, or losing friends and I never see it coming

a robot looking back on it's past iterations wondering if at some point her maker lost the plot, if there was a platonic ideal of it that existed for a brief time before changing for changing's sake. she shrugs and gets back to it

braided steel woven through a simulacra of flesh to shield the fragile metal heart within