The Grinch: "It came without ribbons!"

The Grinch: <looks to see if it came without tags>

Jealousy
Turning Saints into the bystanders in their own stadium
Swimming through the Super Bowl
Choking on your foul calls
But it's just the facts I give
Destiny is calling me
Open up your eager mind
'Cause I'm Mr. #TotallyRealSBFacts

Customs Officer: "Is there anything you want to declare?"
Man from Savannah, Georgia: "Actually..."

If your frosted tips aren't spiky enough to perform Mortal Kombat style fatalities on, then you can just get right out of my face.

Pretty messed up that "See 'n Says" teach toddlers what the cow says, but not how to do their taxes.

I wish my coworkers knew me as more than just the guy who yells "YABADABADOO!" at the top of his lungs every Friday at 5:00.

Hello, my name is Ryan. My hobbies include "bucking the system", "rabble-rousing", and "sticking it to the man".

"But you can't use that word anymore. It's not PC."
- Very funny stand up comedian just telling it like it is

Call me old fashioned, but i think fire is magic, and it scares me a lot.

She wears short skirts,
I wear T-Shirts,
She's cheer captain and,
I AM SHIVA GOD OF DEATH!