Lemon Pledge 🍋🫡
@blermanic.bsky.social
Had three different Uber drivers offer me discounted rides (one was also a dealer) under the table this week
Economy so bad it necessitates side side side hustles
Economy so bad it necessitates side side side hustles
February 4, 2026 at 10:43 PM
Had three different Uber drivers offer me discounted rides (one was also a dealer) under the table this week
Economy so bad it necessitates side side side hustles
Economy so bad it necessitates side side side hustles
Have a music playlist at work with LOTS of 90's bands like Counting Crows and Train that I call "Columbia House Annihilated My Credit Score: The Official Soundtrack"
February 1, 2026 at 9:21 AM
Have a music playlist at work with LOTS of 90's bands like Counting Crows and Train that I call "Columbia House Annihilated My Credit Score: The Official Soundtrack"
Truck has been out for a month and today I found out it's a minimum of $1k to MAYBE find out what's wrong since they don't make car-sized Tupperware containers filled with rice
January 30, 2026 at 4:44 AM
Truck has been out for a month and today I found out it's a minimum of $1k to MAYBE find out what's wrong since they don't make car-sized Tupperware containers filled with rice
Love me some sleep paralysis. You're awake and aware for all of it but can't do shit! Is it a seizure? Maybe! Is it actual impending death? Who knows! Are you gonna have some fucked dreams as bookends? More than likely! But the best part is it sometimes comes with an actual demon. 👹 🫶🏾
January 22, 2026 at 4:58 AM
Love me some sleep paralysis. You're awake and aware for all of it but can't do shit! Is it a seizure? Maybe! Is it actual impending death? Who knows! Are you gonna have some fucked dreams as bookends? More than likely! But the best part is it sometimes comes with an actual demon. 👹 🫶🏾
"Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly"
If Temu Gabriel can't outrun a 2003 Toyota Corolla it may be time for a job review
If Temu Gabriel can't outrun a 2003 Toyota Corolla it may be time for a job review
January 17, 2026 at 10:42 AM
"Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly"
If Temu Gabriel can't outrun a 2003 Toyota Corolla it may be time for a job review
If Temu Gabriel can't outrun a 2003 Toyota Corolla it may be time for a job review
Really loving my current cursed timeline like yes I'd love a trip to the Faroe Islands but I've subsisted on bar fruit for days. Read the room.
January 12, 2026 at 6:44 AM
Really loving my current cursed timeline like yes I'd love a trip to the Faroe Islands but I've subsisted on bar fruit for days. Read the room.
Thinking about when TLC's "Waterfalls" came out and we all thought we were rappers b/c we could sing along to One Eye's verse
January 11, 2026 at 8:57 AM
Thinking about when TLC's "Waterfalls" came out and we all thought we were rappers b/c we could sing along to One Eye's verse
Walked up to a toddler wearing a Bears jersey having an absolute mental breakdown and said "Oh, buddy, is it because of your shirt?"
Anyways I found Jesus today and his slutty little wink got me feeling HOLY
Anyways I found Jesus today and his slutty little wink got me feeling HOLY
January 11, 2026 at 8:44 AM
Walked up to a toddler wearing a Bears jersey having an absolute mental breakdown and said "Oh, buddy, is it because of your shirt?"
Anyways I found Jesus today and his slutty little wink got me feeling HOLY
Anyways I found Jesus today and his slutty little wink got me feeling HOLY
In 2026 I cannot believe that we don't have some type of substance or process that lets you gloss over past trauma and oh fuck. That's drugs. The substance is drugs.
January 10, 2026 at 10:14 AM
In 2026 I cannot believe that we don't have some type of substance or process that lets you gloss over past trauma and oh fuck. That's drugs. The substance is drugs.
I love Peaky Blinders as much as the next person but I will never forgive Stephen Knight for not orchestrating a cameo by Brad Pitt during the whole Goliath/Alfie Solomons storyline
January 7, 2026 at 7:58 AM
I love Peaky Blinders as much as the next person but I will never forgive Stephen Knight for not orchestrating a cameo by Brad Pitt during the whole Goliath/Alfie Solomons storyline
At the "Euphoria" rewatch/MDE stage. Moving onto "Snatch" as a palate cleanser as I'm out of tissues. "The Haunting of Hill House" is on deck. Send a new cat with better nerves, Io is scared by the sobbing and disappointingly unabsorbent.
January 7, 2026 at 7:47 AM
At the "Euphoria" rewatch/MDE stage. Moving onto "Snatch" as a palate cleanser as I'm out of tissues. "The Haunting of Hill House" is on deck. Send a new cat with better nerves, Io is scared by the sobbing and disappointingly unabsorbent.
Probably my favorite thing about Louie is that when he's mad he growls at me and when he's happy he growls at me and when I pet too close to his nub he growls at me and when his mouth hurts he purrs and when I touch his paw he growls at me
January 5, 2026 at 6:02 AM
Probably my favorite thing about Louie is that when he's mad he growls at me and when he's happy he growls at me and when I pet too close to his nub he growls at me and when his mouth hurts he purrs and when I touch his paw he growls at me
One of my favorite ferals at work seems to have a broken leg or dislocated hip which means your girl bout to spend some quality time in urgent care
December 30, 2025 at 7:18 AM
One of my favorite ferals at work seems to have a broken leg or dislocated hip which means your girl bout to spend some quality time in urgent care
Louie is still rolling so hard over a day later I expect to hear Darude "Sandstorm" and get pelted by glowsticks at any moment
December 24, 2025 at 1:24 AM
Louie is still rolling so hard over a day later I expect to hear Darude "Sandstorm" and get pelted by glowsticks at any moment
Went to one of those soul crushing strategic planning trainings where we make up new and unnecessary definitions of long-established concepts like "teamwork" and everything is an anagram
Seven hours later the financial ideation just says "make money"
Seven hours later the financial ideation just says "make money"
December 9, 2025 at 8:18 AM
Went to one of those soul crushing strategic planning trainings where we make up new and unnecessary definitions of long-established concepts like "teamwork" and everything is an anagram
Seven hours later the financial ideation just says "make money"
Seven hours later the financial ideation just says "make money"
Binx the Void
GOD I love our Yard Cats 🖤🩶🤍
GOD I love our Yard Cats 🖤🩶🤍
December 7, 2025 at 9:23 AM
Binx the Void
GOD I love our Yard Cats 🖤🩶🤍
GOD I love our Yard Cats 🖤🩶🤍
Almost torched the house with plastic on a space heater and to celebrate I almost torched the house burning incense next to a macrame curtain
a cartoon character wearing a headband and a towel is running towards a fire
ALT: a cartoon character wearing a headband and a towel is running towards a fire
media.tenor.com
December 4, 2025 at 9:23 AM
Almost torched the house with plastic on a space heater and to celebrate I almost torched the house burning incense next to a macrame curtain
First snow in the midwest
November 30, 2025 at 3:51 AM
First snow in the midwest
Happy Work All Day Then Drink Two Bottles of Wine With Lo Mein While Watching Stephen King Movies Alone to those who celebrate
November 27, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Happy Work All Day Then Drink Two Bottles of Wine With Lo Mein While Watching Stephen King Movies Alone to those who celebrate
Last week I convinced a co-worker that I wholeheartedly believe Tiny Tim was Jesus's 13th apostle
November 21, 2025 at 7:17 AM
Last week I convinced a co-worker that I wholeheartedly believe Tiny Tim was Jesus's 13th apostle
My boss: I jammed my big toe skiing last year and the nail never fell off even tho it was black - four months later it's still good, yours'll be fine.
My big toe nail today:
My big toe nail today:
a cartoon opossum is standing in the dirt with the words `` peace out '' written on it .
ALT: a cartoon opossum is standing in the dirt with the words `` peace out '' written on it .
media.tenor.com
November 14, 2025 at 7:09 AM
My boss: I jammed my big toe skiing last year and the nail never fell off even tho it was black - four months later it's still good, yours'll be fine.
My big toe nail today:
My big toe nail today:
Vets are wild I took Louie in today with a swollen face, clearly abscessed tooth, weepy eye, and notable infection requiring an extraction and paid
*checks receipt*
$500 to find out that he has a swollen face, clearly abscessed tooth, weepy eye, and notable infection requiring an extraction
*checks receipt*
$500 to find out that he has a swollen face, clearly abscessed tooth, weepy eye, and notable infection requiring an extraction
October 24, 2025 at 4:40 AM
Vets are wild I took Louie in today with a swollen face, clearly abscessed tooth, weepy eye, and notable infection requiring an extraction and paid
*checks receipt*
$500 to find out that he has a swollen face, clearly abscessed tooth, weepy eye, and notable infection requiring an extraction
*checks receipt*
$500 to find out that he has a swollen face, clearly abscessed tooth, weepy eye, and notable infection requiring an extraction
As a person who refers to a mandolin as a French Death Sled I aprove
October 21, 2025 at 5:39 AM
As a person who refers to a mandolin as a French Death Sled I aprove
My parents swallowed Tylenol, Natty Ice, religious fanaticism and Biblical literalness, Reaganomics, avoidance behavior, and racial erasure, and I promise you that Tylenol was the least harmful unless you hate rocks and birds
September 25, 2025 at 1:36 AM
My parents swallowed Tylenol, Natty Ice, religious fanaticism and Biblical literalness, Reaganomics, avoidance behavior, and racial erasure, and I promise you that Tylenol was the least harmful unless you hate rocks and birds
Not a conspiracy theorist but can't wait for the coming UNRELATED zero tolerance reaction to leftist rhetoric from this administration
We're fine.
It's fine.
We're fine.
It's fine.
September 11, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Not a conspiracy theorist but can't wait for the coming UNRELATED zero tolerance reaction to leftist rhetoric from this administration
We're fine.
It's fine.
We're fine.
It's fine.