She isn't in love with me anymore. I'm always the enemy, I'm always doing something wrong, I'm never making enough effort.

She never fights or gets angry at the guy she tells me not to worry about... she's always happy to see and be with everyone but me. What am I doing wrong?

I love her so much

I need to take a month off of living. Just walk into a cryo-chamber and take a break.

I feel like my emotional scale is so dulled. I do so much to prevent myself from feeling the bad emotions, that I often feel I don't get to experience the great ones. If a normal range of emotions go from -100(bad) to +100 (great) I feel like my scale is stunted. Like it only goes from -30 to +30...

I can't name things I enjoy or like to do.

I'm easily able to name things I don't like or am not interested in. But the second I'm asked to explain things I enjoy... I'm just lost. I want to find that someday.

Instead I find myself using all my energy to work hard, and not getting value from it

How do I find the right mentor? Someone who sees my potential and knows how to shape me into the person I want to be?

I am not the artist. I'm simply the slab of marble waiting to be carved into a beautiful statue. I need that person who sees the potentional inside and can help craft me into art

I think this account is also a little social media experiment. If I just journal publicly, and don't follow anyone, is gaining traction or followers possible? Do I have to bring value in order to gain that traction? What counts as value on a social media platform outside of arguments and cat photos?

I dont know how to position myself better for the future. Im stuck in a cycle of self hate and another cycle of feeling like I could actually be someone. If I could shed that trauma,could I turn my life around? Could I be someone that I am proud of? Could I put myself in the position to help others?

I listen to the 1st act of the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat because it makes me feel like theres still hope for my life and that I can still become something.

Hope is hard to come by. When you find someone or something that makes you feel it? Dont let go. Fight for it and yourself. You deserve it

I make mistakes in my job as everyone does. And mine are minor, but the difference is, I dont have the ability to let those mistakes go. I hold onto them and try to learn from them. But the cost of that is a crushing self assault when anything goes wrong. All the small things add up until I burn out

I want to make money to help people. I want to put smiles on people's faces. I want to own a business so I can improve the lives of my employees. I want to GET somewhere so I can be that mentor for other people. People deserve better. I don't know how to put myself in the position to be able to help

I don't care about money in the way other people do. It's not about what it can get me at this point. It's about the one thing that really matters, which is time. I spent my younger years getting myself into bad debt and not realizing what it was doing. Now I have to spend the next 5 starting over.

I'm tired of being the gifted burnout. I feel like I reached my peak early and a lot of people saw a ton of potential in me, and it just lead to me seeing myself as a failure. I want a purpose. I'm smart. I have a good work ethic. I just need someone to see that in me and mentor me. I can be someone