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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦

@bofferson.bsky.social

740 followers 600 following 280 posts

Award winning author of no books ever. Apparently not as funny as I think I am.

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 29m

'Oh God no. The man's a complete #libertine, a cad and a bounder. He'll have half the female staff pregnant within a month, the other half within 2 months, and half the male staff will get a "little curious" too. God. Show him in.'
'Lord Flashheart, m' Lord.'
'Woof woof.'
#vss365

a man in a wig says i 've got a plan to a woman

ALT: a man in a wig says i 've got a plan to a woman

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 29m

a man in a wig says i 've got a plan to a woman

ALT: a man in a wig says i 've got a plan to a woman

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 3h

Thank you, Maria.

a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

ALT: a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 17h

Thank you Beth 😁😁

Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 1d

In AD 79, Jeffus Twattus began his journey to create the first ever travel guide.
It would be the greatest book the world had ever seen.
His first stop.
Pompei.
As Mount Vesuvius spewed volcanic #ash into the air, he muttered his final words.
"Oh, for fuckus saykius."
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 1d

Thank you DeRicki

a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

ALT: a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 1d

Thank you, Maria 😄😄

Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 1d

😂😂

Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 1d

There's an alien onboard
Don't know what to do
Ship's cat is missing
It's eating all the crew
In the shaft above
I hear its nasty shriek
Claws #clash on steel
Drool drips on my cheek
Terrified, I look up
It's up there on a beam
Out here in space
No one hears you scream
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 2d

a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

ALT: a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 3d

Charlie looked forlornly at the burnt down remains of his once prestigious music venue whilst his business #associate, Geoff, nervously chewed at his nails.
'Geoff, you know when I asked you to book 10,000 Maniacs to do last nights gig?'
'Yeah.'
'I meant the band.'
'Oh.'
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 4d

'You're meant to be my agent. Where are all the starring roles in film and TV you promised?'
'A few more #adverts and producers will start to take notice .'
'What, like the last toilet product commercial I did? Flush Gordon. Saviour of the U ooh bend.'
'Love that advert.'
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 4d

😂😂
Classic GIF

Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 4d

😂😂😂

a woman in a blue tank top is drinking from a mug

ALT: a woman in a blue tank top is drinking from a mug

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 5d

Jo was about to have one of those days.
Gasping for breath, she swore as the bus she'd been chasing disappeared around the corner.
There was a twang as the #elastic in her knickers failed, and she felt them slide down her legs and onto her ankles.
And it was only 9 am.

#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 6d

a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

ALT: a little girl wearing a leopard print shirt is making a face

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 6d

Thank you, TDT 😄

Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 6d

Prince Cuthbert gladly renounced his claim to the throne to his cousin, Evil Vlad Killerby.
He thought it best given that his older brother had mistakenly been beaten to a #pulp in his bed prior to accidentally cutting his own head off and then falling out of a window.
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 6d

It's Tuesday, 2125. Here's the news. Liam and Noel Gallagher from #Oasis have been revived from cryogenic sleep. However, after 9 consecutive hours of saying "I'm mad for it," they were refrozen, with a warning to future generations not to unfreeze them ever again.
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · 12d

'Whose the defender with #sonorous voice. The opposition can't get past him. Amazing. Who is he? We need to sign him for our team.'

'Umm, let's see. It's the number four, isn't it, boss. He's only got one name. Gandalf. He must be Brazilian.'

'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!'

#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · Sep 1

'We must be united during the demo,' said Val, handing out placards. 'Jeff, the fantasy writer, made the chant sheets. Let's go. What do we want?'
'More pay!'
'When do we want it?'
'Some time in the distant #past when the Elf Wizard ruled Magorium??'
'Oh for fuck's sake.'
#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · Aug 15

Pippin the #Pixie clung onto the falcon as it skimmed through the air in formation with two other falcons and their riders.

'This is Red Leader, preparing to make our attack run on the Death Nest,' he said.

'Herons on your six,' yelled Red Two. 'It's Darth Wader!'

#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · Aug 13

One by one, the travellers revealed their #mystical items in readiness for the quest.
'Behold the Bag of Speed,' said Geoff. 'It makes your mind work faster.'
'How doth it work?'
'You sniff the white powder in the bag.'
'So it is literally a bag of speed.'
'Umm....Yes.'

#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · Aug 12

😂😂

I wouldn't know, Roz...honest 😏

a man in a plaid shirt is sitting on a couch looking up .

ALT: a man in a plaid shirt is sitting on a couch looking up .

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · Aug 12

Nobody could explain it. Every time Jon did anything, music would come from the sky. Sombre music would play when he was #grumpy. Sad music if he felt down.
His wife left him eventually.
There's only so much 70's funk wah wah guitar you can take when you're having sex.

#vss365

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Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦 @bofferson.bsky.social · Aug 11

😂😂