Every time a team lets Arsenal score from a set piece, a unicorn loses it's horn.

I'd love to be neutral/hate watching the Liverpool Newcastle game so much right now. (raises fist in the air towards our Technocratic Overlords).

Somedays you win some. Somedays you lose some. Somedays you wake up and your team has already lost. This has not been a metaphor.

New benchtop, new me, That's how it works, right?

Image shows new plywood benchtop on old bench. Unfinished, because finish on a workshop benchtop is for suckers.

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"Separation is a natural process." Just had a life lesson from a jar of almond butter.

I spent all of March wanting February to be over and now it's May?

A creative project "ending in tension" is one of the great euphemisms of our time.

People think they're going to live forever and they're mostly right.

You people have been holding out on how much better loose tea is than bagged, and I will never forgive you.

Feeling rich, Might make an omelet later.

Me: Dude, you were in there for like twenty minutes, scratching around and you managed to get zero litter coverage on your poop. What's up?

Cat: I do it for the love of the game.

I'm in the grocery and I'm sure I'm surrounded by pod people because "Sweet Caroline" is on the radio and no one else is hitting the "Bomp Bomp Baaahhh"s. Now I have to hit it extra hard because for freedom.