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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1h

unfair to witches, obvi

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1h

Thank God the people working for Trump are evil morons and not evil geniuses

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2h

Agree?

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 15h

With Kimmel and Colbert under attack, it’s comforting to know that we still have a great comedian like Pam Bondi on TV

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 22h

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1d

Though the committee did not bestow its prize on Trump, it did recognize him with a laser printed “certificate of participation.”

Trump Explodes with Rage after Gavin Newsom Wins Nobel Peace Prize

The committee recognized Trump with a "certificate of participation."

www.borowitzreport.com

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1d

Iffy

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1d

Someone needs to tell John Roberts that being the last Chief Justice to serve in an American democracy won’t look good on his Wikipedia page

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

Farewell, CBS News

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

Elon Loses Again!

When the world’s most admired woman gets attacked by the world’s least interesting man, it’s no contest.

www.borowitzreport.com

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

Dr. Jane Goodall's wish list

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

I like

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

Band names include the Kristi Nomads and Hegadeth.

Federal Troops Arrive in Portland and Immediately Form Bands

Military personnel were seen trading in automatic weapons for mandolins and zithers.

www.borowitzreport.com

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

Pretty sure you can't win the Nobel Peace Prize if you make California invade Oregon

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

“Total obliteration” is the kind of talk the Nobel Peace Prize judges really dig

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d

Afterwards, he set the record for most people doing Jell-O shots at same time

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d

If ICE agents want to stop being compared to Nazis and the Gestapo, here are some tips for them:
1) Take off your masks
2) Identify yourselves
3) Stop disappearing innocent people off the street
4) Avoid shooting women, like you did today, you fucking Gestapo Nazis

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d

The Nobel committee should definitely consider fucking with Trump by giving the Peace Prize to Gavin Newsom

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d

Nobel Peace Prize Committee Reviews Trump’s Application

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d

Everything I write is true

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d

Making his case for the Nobel

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d

Trump has not been seen in public since Tuesday, and while that is a cause for celebration, we must prepare ourselves emotionally for the possibility that we may someday see him again

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d

Trump is killing the economy faster than JD Vance killed the Pope

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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d

As long as the government is shut down, construction should stop on Trump's Mafioso-style White House ballroom

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