Thanks Mag. Appreciate your friendship

I... honestly have felt that before. Pretty much all my life actually

But remember: It's just a voice in your head, one that's trying to drag you down. But it doesn't control you. You control yourself.

You'll fall but you just get right back up, dust yourself off, and put your dukes up

FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN!

Ah feck... oh well, it'll be for next time then.

It's all good if you can't donate. It's not the most immediate need because my master and roommate has said he's not gonna just kick me to the street. He just really wants me to work on getting my own place.

Actually... would you wanna talk some more? Can move to Telegram or Discord, your choice lmao

I don't... exactly know who to talk to... wanna help me?

Always remember that you should never do better, you should just be better. Learn from what you have done and make it count cause next time, you might go a step too far and burn a bridge you needed to cross.

And remember, I'm with you in the dark.

I just wanted to get these things off my chest so people knew exactly what I went through, word for word with no gaps in between, dotting my I's and crossing my T's. So... essentially, I am sorry. I can't be forgiven for what I did back then... but I can learn from it and be better now.

That... was me... but that was back then and this is now. Now, I'm 31. I'm living essentially on my own in Illinois, miles away from my family home and having to deal with the consequences of my actions. I screwed up through and through and I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry for annoying anyone.

, demanding that I get what I want cause I was a brat who didn't know better, and feeling just... so worthless and like I was a failure, caused me to lash out poorly at the people who didn't deserve it. I lost a relationship that I actually regretted, all be cause I was a bitch.

I am very sure that if I followed through with those plans that I would be dead. I know for a fact he was gonna probably get ready to hurt me and... do those horrid things to me. Probably even... you know... the r word.

All that with a combination of bad relationships that shouldn't have happened-

Wanted to hurt me because he was demanding that I move to Canada, you know at AGE FUCKING 16 YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER, and was saying he wouldn't give me things I wanted if I didn't cooperate. He also basically forced me into a poly relationship I didn't want, with people who were just as sick minded.

CW: Visceral CBT, Illicit violence, demanding and degrading.

I dated a guy who I won't name mostly cause I just want it to be over, who actually wanted to have me cut open my testicles and show them off. And I mean like... actually wanted me too. He also was into underage characters and possibly -

I also should have joined the fandom when I was a little older instead of joining off the rip and trying things which could have risked people's lives at fucking fourteen.

Anyways... the second thing: I dated a monster from around... 2010 ish to around... 2013 I think? Maybe 2012? CW next post

I just... people have to know some things:

I was groomed when I was starting in the fandom by some truly vile fucking people. Like groomed into wanting to try literal incest, fucking my dog and... underage people, which I thankfully never gave into those "desires." So that's one big thing.

Damn dude I haven't been in a single one of these. Just goes to show I gotta talk to way more people!

It… also… is the greatest friend I’ve ever had. Mostly because throughout the years it has stuck with me through thick and thin. Every time I fell, it picked me back up, dusted me off and kickstarted me back.

… It’s kept me alive the past few years too. So no… it hasn’t failed. Life failed it.

I… honestly find that hard to freaking believe. Sure it got dealt a bad hand with whatever the heck is wrong with it medically… but it hasn’t failed.

It is popular in the fandom and it… honestly is one of the best writers I’ve ever seen. And one of the greatest artists.

What I'd give to be one of those grapes under your perfect, god like soles. Or anything for that matter.