Maybe I only think I'm not fine with it because I'm searching for something to make me happy, to make life worth living, to give me some purpose and no matter what I do nobody makes me feel that way. In the end whether I'm surrounded by people or by myself I still feel so alone.

If they left I wouldn't even notice. But then I see an Instagram post from Joe Shmo hugging everyone at graduation and I think about how I'll just be there all alone. I chose this path for myself and I said I was fine with it. Am I really fine with it?

Maybe it's because they look so happy, maybe it's because that's what I'm constantly told I should have, maybe it's because the media I consume have these wonderful, fulfilling friendships that don't exist in real life. I don't care about any of the people I talk to

People are so tiring but I want them and then the moment I have people I wish they were gone. If I could spend my entire life just talking to her I think I'd be content, I'd be more than happy to live like that, but another part of me craves what other people have