Looking back that weekend was one of the first normal holidays we had in a long time and sad as it seems this will be one of the first normal Christmas’ we have had.

A few weeks later she was in the Priory drying out.
4 years on and it’s the second Christmas since she died of alcoholism.
One of the biggest things with addiction is the extent loved ones try to project normality where none exists just to prove the disease wrong.

Oh dear. Sending hugs. Xx

But the message for me today is no matter how dark it feels there is always hope. There is always light

Christmas is hard, but for the first time in a long time I am actually able to look forward to it. To tell myself that the anxiety the constant need to be on guard to have oh so many backup plans for backup plans isn’t needed.
Addiction destroys everything if we let it.

It was also the last Christmas the kids spent with their mum. 2020 and 2021 she was in rehab both years. 2022 she was drunk. 2023 she was gone…. Alcoholism had claimed her.

drinking. It had steadily been getting worse each year. 2019 would be the first year she didn’t help with Santa. She was too tired… a euphemism we had for her drinking.