Brett's Puns and Jokes
@brettspunsandjokes.bsky.social
One of my life goals is to crack a pun on national media. All are original unless otherwise noted!
Expect a mix of incredibly dorky and unusually esoteric puns.
Expect a mix of incredibly dorky and unusually esoteric puns.
Did you hear about the guy who was fined by a game warden for cooking his food in boiling water?
Well, he was poaching, after all.
Well, he was poaching, after all.
January 5, 2026 at 2:28 AM
Did you hear about the guy who was fined by a game warden for cooking his food in boiling water?
Well, he was poaching, after all.
Well, he was poaching, after all.
If you're canning fruit and run out of containers, you can use your house or car in a pinch by leaving its door slightly open - then your door will be ajar.
December 19, 2025 at 8:31 PM
If you're canning fruit and run out of containers, you can use your house or car in a pinch by leaving its door slightly open - then your door will be ajar.
Did you know that, in addition to engagement rings and wedding rings, it's common to give a ring to a clerk or priest if you request that they declare your marriage to be null and void? This ring is called an "annul us annulus."
November 19, 2025 at 4:03 AM
Did you know that, in addition to engagement rings and wedding rings, it's common to give a ring to a clerk or priest if you request that they declare your marriage to be null and void? This ring is called an "annul us annulus."
Did you see the liquid condiments for that savory herbed meat stick get old?
Well, I did - I saw sage sausage sauce age.
Well, I did - I saw sage sausage sauce age.
November 8, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Did you see the liquid condiments for that savory herbed meat stick get old?
Well, I did - I saw sage sausage sauce age.
Well, I did - I saw sage sausage sauce age.
eBay is planning to complement its online auction marketplace with a physical counterpart. They're planning to call this brick-and-mortar analogue simply "Bay."
October 24, 2025 at 5:41 PM
eBay is planning to complement its online auction marketplace with a physical counterpart. They're planning to call this brick-and-mortar analogue simply "Bay."
I'm a creature of habit, so I have schedules to organize when I eat TV dinners. I keep these schedules on Marie calendars.
October 21, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I'm a creature of habit, so I have schedules to organize when I eat TV dinners. I keep these schedules on Marie calendars.
A shoemaker baked a turkey pastry for his friend, who devoured it eagerly. Hence, the latter was a cobbler gobbler cobbler gobbler.
October 18, 2025 at 3:35 AM
A shoemaker baked a turkey pastry for his friend, who devoured it eagerly. Hence, the latter was a cobbler gobbler cobbler gobbler.
"Where is the Louisiana Museum of Modern Art?"
"Hmm, in the state of Louisiana in the U.S.?"
"Of course not; it's in Denmark."
"Oh, of course. What part of Denmark?"
"It's on the island of Zealand."
"That's where New Zealand got its name, right?"
"No, that's Zeeland in the Netherlands with two Es."
"Hmm, in the state of Louisiana in the U.S.?"
"Of course not; it's in Denmark."
"Oh, of course. What part of Denmark?"
"It's on the island of Zealand."
"That's where New Zealand got its name, right?"
"No, that's Zeeland in the Netherlands with two Es."
September 27, 2025 at 8:44 PM
"Where is the Louisiana Museum of Modern Art?"
"Hmm, in the state of Louisiana in the U.S.?"
"Of course not; it's in Denmark."
"Oh, of course. What part of Denmark?"
"It's on the island of Zealand."
"That's where New Zealand got its name, right?"
"No, that's Zeeland in the Netherlands with two Es."
"Hmm, in the state of Louisiana in the U.S.?"
"Of course not; it's in Denmark."
"Oh, of course. What part of Denmark?"
"It's on the island of Zealand."
"That's where New Zealand got its name, right?"
"No, that's Zeeland in the Netherlands with two Es."
Australia is the only country that could sustain its capital city. Yes, only Australia can bear a Canberra.
September 23, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Australia is the only country that could sustain its capital city. Yes, only Australia can bear a Canberra.
Which Renaissance astronomer is also known for his skill with Japanese drums?
Taiko Brahe!
Taiko Brahe!
September 20, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Which Renaissance astronomer is also known for his skill with Japanese drums?
Taiko Brahe!
Taiko Brahe!
Did you know that, even as nimble as they are, those melon-eating mammals with hooves and horns can't get married on the lam? It's true - canteloupe antelope can't elope.
September 18, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Did you know that, even as nimble as they are, those melon-eating mammals with hooves and horns can't get married on the lam? It's true - canteloupe antelope can't elope.
I'm sculpting a dog out of iron. It's a wrought-weiler.
September 8, 2025 at 5:25 PM
I'm sculpting a dog out of iron. It's a wrought-weiler.
In the past, I've made more mistakes regarding Southeast Asian bearcats than I should have... yeah, I've been too wrong about binturongs.
September 5, 2025 at 5:44 PM
In the past, I've made more mistakes regarding Southeast Asian bearcats than I should have... yeah, I've been too wrong about binturongs.
Did you hear about the dike the Dutch built to keep fluffy little rodents from flooding into their capital?
It's the Amsterdam hamster dam.
It's the Amsterdam hamster dam.
September 5, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Did you hear about the dike the Dutch built to keep fluffy little rodents from flooding into their capital?
It's the Amsterdam hamster dam.
It's the Amsterdam hamster dam.
My friend slipped and hit her head just between her scalp and her forehead. She banged her bangs and got a hairline fracture.
August 29, 2025 at 12:07 AM
My friend slipped and hit her head just between her scalp and her forehead. She banged her bangs and got a hairline fracture.
I have a compulsion that forces me to put caps and covers on weasels, ferrets, and their relatives... I must lid mustelids.
August 27, 2025 at 7:26 PM
I have a compulsion that forces me to put caps and covers on weasels, ferrets, and their relatives... I must lid mustelids.
A Japanese bath fed by a hot spring is called an onsen. Do you know what they call it when the spring dries up?
An offsen.
An offsen.
August 26, 2025 at 6:40 PM
A Japanese bath fed by a hot spring is called an onsen. Do you know what they call it when the spring dries up?
An offsen.
An offsen.
I don't understand why my British friend got upset when I invited him kayaking. All I said was, "You wanna have a row with me?"
August 24, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I don't understand why my British friend got upset when I invited him kayaking. All I said was, "You wanna have a row with me?"
Put another way, a cattle driver's job is to steer steer.
August 23, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Put another way, a cattle driver's job is to steer steer.
Did you hear about the fighter pilot who took up golfing after retiring from the military? He wasn't very good... he just kept taking bogeys.
August 22, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Did you hear about the fighter pilot who took up golfing after retiring from the military? He wasn't very good... he just kept taking bogeys.
Why is it that "milk of magnesia" is the common name for magnesium hydroxide? Wouldn't it be better suited to magnesium lactate?
August 20, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Why is it that "milk of magnesia" is the common name for magnesium hydroxide? Wouldn't it be better suited to magnesium lactate?
Did you hear about the British fellow who went to play golf right after his cuppa? It was his teatime tee time.
August 19, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Did you hear about the British fellow who went to play golf right after his cuppa? It was his teatime tee time.
Build-A-Bear Workshop has a spinoff where you build a baby fox instead of a bear. How do you build it? Well, it's a kit.
August 18, 2025 at 8:44 PM
Build-A-Bear Workshop has a spinoff where you build a baby fox instead of a bear. How do you build it? Well, it's a kit.
The existence of Super Mario Land and Donkey Kong Land on the Game Boy, alongside Super Mario World and Donkey Kong Country on the SNES, has spurred gaming historians to search for the "missing links" of Super Mario Country and Donkey Kong World.
August 17, 2025 at 9:40 PM
The existence of Super Mario Land and Donkey Kong Land on the Game Boy, alongside Super Mario World and Donkey Kong Country on the SNES, has spurred gaming historians to search for the "missing links" of Super Mario Country and Donkey Kong World.
I got involved in a car chase while learning to drive a car with a manual transmission. Unfortunately, my quarry escaped while I was trying to shift gears...
They slipped through my clutch.
They slipped through my clutch.
August 17, 2025 at 3:43 AM
I got involved in a car chase while learning to drive a car with a manual transmission. Unfortunately, my quarry escaped while I was trying to shift gears...
They slipped through my clutch.
They slipped through my clutch.