goldfish grow to fit the size of their container…

…and apparently so does the amount of dirty laundry i have in my house

HOW IS EVERY HAMPER FULL

the type A parent next to me at the restaurant: sanitizing every surface and putting a bib on their well-dressed toddler before food is served

me: sighing as i guard my chips from my feral, chocolate-milk-covered two-year-old who is trying to emerge from his blanket fort he created under the table