living in this timeline is such a farce;

I just sent my best friend a text reading, "hey guess what, Donald Trump bombed Iran while we were watching Little Shop of Horrors".

I wrote my height on the acting resume I sent out today
and took psychological damage.

WWJCD (what would joan crawford do)

"it's broad fuckin' daylight and I don't have time to smoke a joint with you" is a sentence that just left my mouth,

so I guess I'm officially Old now.

being a lesbian is ridiculous because

what do you mean, I'm slightly frightened of every woman I'm attracted to?

and what do you mean, she KNOWS?

Ebenezer's Law - all theatre people must serve their time on a local production of A Christmas Carol, else they be visited by the Ghosts of Theatre, three: Comedy, Tragedy, and Improv 👻

therapy is expensive but
sitting inside a Waffle House on a snowy day
enjoying afternoon breakfast?
less than 20 bucks. 10/10

snowfall doesn't nudge me into the holiday spirit™, it just moves me to make hot chocolate with black coffee instead of milk at 6pm like an animal with no self-preservation instinct

not to be dramatic, but I would 100% catapult myself into the western sky before sitting next to somebody's child for the entire Wicked movie

can't wait for the pale light of the Thanksgiving midnight moon to transform me into the Grinch for another holiday season like a wretched, winter werewolf 🎄💥💣

the funniest part of me jumping into season 2 of the Daryl Dixon show
(for Carol)
after not watching any TWD since like 2017
is the way I got jumpscared by this series apparently taking place in France