getting a youtube ad with john mulaney saying “[product] is better than life partners” is not the kind of unsolicited self-dunk i wanted to witness at 2 am on a friday night with half a blunt in my system 😭😭😭

i’m starting to understand the whole “to face unafraid the plans that we made” lyric from Winter Wonderland because how on earth does anybody work up the means & motivation to do anything ever

the job search sucks, why wont someone hire me cuz they think i’m inexperienced and unfit for the position until my spirit and tenacity ultimately shine through and i rally together a group of unlikely allies who ultimately combine their unique strengths to save the community center or whatever tf

i’ve had my issues with youtube ads in the past but serving me an etsy ad that says to “celebrate dog people” as i’m processing a rough breakup with a furry is a new low, man.

is there any way to escape the complete inevitability that matt mercer is gonna show up in media i like? is this my burden to bear?

i may never reach my desired status of burgeoning public icon for my writing abilities but i get a giggle out of my all the dumb names i think up for my little entourage in pikmin go and i think that’s more valuable than what an oscar or whatever could ever offer me

Folks in Washington State:
Here are staff emails for Maria Cantwell since her voicemail is full and she never responds to the email form on her Senate page:
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]

*Wheatley from Portal 2 voice*
I AM NOT A BOTTOM.

Can’t believe they gave the new Switch joycons flesh 😍😍😍

I have discovered the key to a happy gender transition is not merely stare into the abyss but to blush at it and make cute faces cuz then it gets all awkward and tries to avoid eye contact lile it’s not totally into me

that last post was a joke though i actually have two or more weaknesses 👍

the lack of drafts on this app has revealed my one true weakness as a writer; i can’t tell if anything i say is funny because i haven’t put it through the tried-and-true method of opening it as a draft in public and seeing if it makes me giggle like an idiot among complete strangers before i post it

what’s the point? what is it all for? why do i keep flipping the toilet paper back the right way if someone’s just gonna put it on wrong again? can there ever really be justice in the world?

let me christen this account by saying that my dad is currently in his Giant Rat Phase and has been wearing exclusively grey during his work-days while occasionally scurrying quietly into the kitchen to steal cheese from the fridge. sometimes i see him do it and he looks at me like i’ll kill him