@caitlinreese.bsky.social
Preparing 3-4 minutes of new material to present to my family today. If a joke bombs they can remove one item from my plate. If a joke lands I can remove one of them from the house.
November 27, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Preparing 3-4 minutes of new material to present to my family today. If a joke bombs they can remove one item from my plate. If a joke lands I can remove one of them from the house.
From your lips to God’s balls.
November 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
From your lips to God’s balls.
Normalize “sucking fat toes” to be the answer to all of your security questions.
November 18, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Normalize “sucking fat toes” to be the answer to all of your security questions.
Rewatching my divorce today and believe my videographer nailed it.
November 17, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Rewatching my divorce today and believe my videographer nailed it.
Your health comes and goes but a flight to Cancun is forever.
November 10, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Your health comes and goes but a flight to Cancun is forever.
If you’re going to share your location on Instagram stories, maybe leave the house.
November 9, 2025 at 11:14 PM
If you’re going to share your location on Instagram stories, maybe leave the house.
Pre-Zohran: Sorry, I don’t go to Astoria.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
November 5, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Pre-Zohran: Sorry, I don’t go to Astoria.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
Does this vote for Zohran Mamdani make my empathy for others look too big?
October 29, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Does this vote for Zohran Mamdani make my empathy for others look too big?
Real sluts must hate all these dumb girls appropriating their culture on Halloween.
October 28, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Real sluts must hate all these dumb girls appropriating their culture on Halloween.
Friend: Do you like my sweater?
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
October 24, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Friend: Do you like my sweater?
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
Urgent care doc said records show I go there at least once a year for cut fingers. I told him tis the season and shook my blood knuckle at him. Happy Halloween bitch.
October 24, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Urgent care doc said records show I go there at least once a year for cut fingers. I told him tis the season and shook my blood knuckle at him. Happy Halloween bitch.
You he only wants the ballroom to have a daddy daughter dance on our dime.
October 23, 2025 at 8:16 PM
You he only wants the ballroom to have a daddy daughter dance on our dime.
This Halloween I’m dressing up as a sexy bank and divesting war bonds.
October 17, 2025 at 4:53 PM
This Halloween I’m dressing up as a sexy bank and divesting war bonds.
Remember when you were seeing two girls and you really wanted one of them but she was playing games so you gave up and went with the other girl? Anyway, crazy ya’ll made it this far. Congrats on the engagement.
October 17, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Remember when you were seeing two girls and you really wanted one of them but she was playing games so you gave up and went with the other girl? Anyway, crazy ya’ll made it this far. Congrats on the engagement.
You ever follow a woman for three blocks because you’re trying to figure out what brand of boot she’s wearing and when you realize you’re never gonna figure it out you just google “unique brown boots” for the rest of your life.
October 15, 2025 at 4:22 PM
You ever follow a woman for three blocks because you’re trying to figure out what brand of boot she’s wearing and when you realize you’re never gonna figure it out you just google “unique brown boots” for the rest of your life.
If my coffee tastes like coffee, I will not drink it. If my men act like men, I will not drink them either.
October 9, 2025 at 4:21 PM
If my coffee tastes like coffee, I will not drink it. If my men act like men, I will not drink them either.
The new state bird of Arkansas is a cicada. I’m adopting many as we speak.
October 4, 2025 at 6:44 PM
The new state bird of Arkansas is a cicada. I’m adopting many as we speak.
My dog needed last minute surgery on her booty and due to a complication will need another tomorrow. I want to start the rumor that I convinced a vet to give my dog a BBL. Tell your friends.
July 31, 2025 at 6:53 PM
My dog needed last minute surgery on her booty and due to a complication will need another tomorrow. I want to start the rumor that I convinced a vet to give my dog a BBL. Tell your friends.
I let my dog bark and lunge at e-bikes on the sidewalk.
July 28, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I let my dog bark and lunge at e-bikes on the sidewalk.
TD Bank wants to crash my pride? No sweat babe, I’m dropping by the bank whenever I feel like it to blast rainbow confetti and throw ass during all the straight months.
June 15, 2025 at 7:07 PM
TD Bank wants to crash my pride? No sweat babe, I’m dropping by the bank whenever I feel like it to blast rainbow confetti and throw ass during all the straight months.
A white guy called a black woman a pussy for saying something racist. Just waiting for someone trans to call them both the r word to collect all the rings of the Oppression Olympics.
June 10, 2025 at 7:24 PM
A white guy called a black woman a pussy for saying something racist. Just waiting for someone trans to call them both the r word to collect all the rings of the Oppression Olympics.
Stranger danger used to be a creepy guy in a candy truck and now it’s ICE.
June 10, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Stranger danger used to be a creepy guy in a candy truck and now it’s ICE.
I go to work and let my dog watch me from a live cam so she sees how good girls don’t bite people at the office even when we want to.
June 5, 2025 at 6:29 PM
I go to work and let my dog watch me from a live cam so she sees how good girls don’t bite people at the office even when we want to.
Me to a bald man: “Is the basement hardwood floors as well?”
June 3, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Me to a bald man: “Is the basement hardwood floors as well?”